flyawayfromhere

Has anyone felt that substance abuse has made you hate everyone? lol Like random strangers just walking down the street...do you just hate them for no good reason?

I've been like this for a few years now and it's a little out of control. There's no reason for me to hate other people and I don't understand why I do. I don't act out on it and if they smile and wave at me, then I'm like, "Oh, what a wonderful person" and then smile and wave back. It's ridiculous.

Spiritually I think it's quite toxic to be this way.

Has anyone ever felt this way before?

Tuesday24

Yes, I have felt this way. Drugs and alcohol change the chemistry in our brains. For me, it turned me into a hateful, angry person. A few weeks without the alcohol and my symptoms subsided.

suki44883

Heck yeah, and I've been sober over 3 years.

SteppingItUp

Absolutely understood.

You're right, I also find that hatred, anger and the like are spiritually toxic to me. I just didn't know how to get free of it by myself.

Interestingly enough, I've found that untreated alcoholism often looks like restlessness, irritability and discontentment -- drunk or sober.

On the other hand, when we get well and learn to maintain our spiritual fitness, I find that we find we get happy, joyous and free.

Recovery has made me love, forgive and want to selflessly serve people.

Choices, choices...

Terminally Unique

The alcohol turned me into a seething ball of rage at the end.

sugarbear1

I was irritable, restless, and discontent until my 15th day of recovery. Then I began to heal.

Dee74

I drank for years - it took a few months for my dark view of the world and its inhabitants to lighten change and fade...give it some time perhaps, or do what I did, and do some volunteer work - that sorted out my perspective

D

Scolova

My reason for drinking was (mostly) hate, I had a reason for hating anyone and everyone, even if it was that they took a breath (including myself)... All of that only hurts ourselves. Now, looking back it's hard for me to remember which came first. lol It's getting better\easier for me (as said above) I often have to stop the irrational thoughts soon after they start, breathe, divert my mind and move on. None of the 'hate episodes' I have now make me want to drink, which is a great feeling.

SteppingItUp

"Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else."* (Even sober...)

Yep.

"From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick."

Yep.

"When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically."

Yep.




* (Might take note that it doesn't say alcohol destroys more alcoholics than anything else...)

Anna

Yes, by the time I stopped drinking I hated myself and everyone else in the world.

When I started focusing on Gratitude, my thinking began to shift.

ArgentOfSilvae

I wouldn't say i hate everyone, but i certainly dont like people, they annoy me, walking down the street I will be thinking to myself, get out of the f'ing way you stupid....,

they also annoy me in the most silly ways, for instance when i was downtown the other day i saw someone waiting to cross the road some 10 feet away from a zebra crossing, I have no idea why such a thing would annoy me, but i seriously disliked that person at the time, like 'use the sodding zebra crossing you idiot!'

I never attributed it to the drink though (until reading this post) i thought i was just a grumpy git

AoS

freethinking

Yeah, I was like that a lot in my first couple of months sober, but it has dissipated a bit now. I have kids, so I can tolerate a lot more than I used to with people. But I still have moments where I chuckle to myself, realizing I think the craziest stuff when out in public: "Oh my God, could this person in front of me BE ANY F*CKING SLOWER?". "Do you HAVE to talk so damn loud on your bluetooth? You look like a lunatic". "Could this fat b*tch in front of my please MOVE? MOOOOOOOVE!". "Why are that man's socks pulled up so high???" "If that were my kid, I'd be giving them a swift kick in the a$$ right about now". The list goes on and on (and on!).

There have been a few times, mainly when I took the train to work, where I actually was so annoyed I said what I was thinking. One time this guy was screaming, I mean screaming, at an employee on the phone for a good 5 minutes. I finally turned around and yelled "We get it! You're important and you get to talk down to people for a living. Now SHUT THE F*CK UP!".

At any rate, i don't think this ever goes away entirely. But moving to a town where people are more spread out and not taking mass transit and not shopping during peak times has helped this issue tremendously for me.

On the flipside of that (re: gratitude), I still think I am a very grateful person. I literally think every day "Thank God I was born in a place where I was given education, shelter, clothing, etc". I realize some people would trade a limb to deal with my "problems" in life. I live pretty well, have a decent husband, kids and a nice house and I am not sure my actions have entitled me to any of this. I am very grateful, yet random strangers who seem sort of clueless still irk me. I find it comical now.

FT

Maybe it's just because I am so OLD now, but it seems to me that the societal TREND in the past 20 years has been towards "seething balls of rage," especially on the freeway.

Hmm, that coincides with when I quit drinking alcohol.

I used to anesthetize myself against having to deal with that feeling, without realizing it was ME who was generating it. Adding fuel to the fire, so to speak. My fuel was alcohol.

Now, I see a lot of anger around me, and not just on the road. Maybe that's what's fueled the concurrent societal trend towards higher rates of alcohol and drug abuse, or maybe we're seeing the results of it. Either way, I get it, but I no longer have to participate in it, and that is a blessing.

FT

flyawayfromhere

Thanks guys and yeah, freethinking your "thought comments" sound an awful lot like mine! lol I think some of mine were due to drinking and some isn't. I tend not to be a people person to begin with and also am used to being alone a lot so I always do things at MY pace, when I want to, however I want to...so when I hop in my car and try to get somewhere, I turn into a monster because everyone is way too slow for my liking. And yeah, I'd like to give myself a swift kick in the a$$ sometimes too for the stuff I think!! lol

minorthreat

That definitely sits true with me. I've mellowed a little bit, but for the longest time I was a raging hell-beast. When I worked retail, just seeing customers walk through into the store I worked in filled me with blood rage, and God help the poor soul if they had a question.

iliveforyou

Oh how this is so familiar. I believe some may be due to my substance abuse...the rest has nothing to do with it. It's strange - I'm compassionate and loving towards those that I love or care about, when it comes to rest of the population I am filled with anger and hate that runs very deep. I have awful thoughts and I don't want to be around people. I prefer keeping to myself.

Thanks for this post though, it's given me some perspective!

-Jess