ArgentOfSilvae

Hi All,

So I am on day 4, and feeling great, at the moment I am debating telling my co-workers about my alcoholism. I say they are co-workers but in reality they are 2 of the best friends I have.

I'm self-employed but have been working with these 2 people for the last 7 years daily, both in our own business and also working together as a team in a self employed status on client work.

As far as I know they are not aware of my problem, though I'm sure the times I have been MIA or unproductive has raised questions in their minds, I am especially feeling guilty about the last couple of months as I have been wholly unproductive and barely managing my contracted hours on client work.

I also feel guilty that even now, sober, I am not being productive, I've been online 3 hours and have yet to actually do any work, i've stared at it a bit....

Am i rushing this? should I even tell them if they are unaware of the situation, should i just work hard on getting my act together and making up for the last year of mediocreness?

Appreciate the advice in advance

AoS

bellakeller

I don't really feel like it's necessary to tell co-workers, especially if your motivation is to relieve your own guilt. That can backfire. I would wait.

dawnrunner

Reasons to have a truthful conversation with some very close friends:

1. Reality check: Bringing daylight into your life and the change you have decided to make is really helpful - to you.

2. They can help: They can avoid saying "let's all go out for a drink", or talking about their partying, etc.

3. You will probably be surprised at how much they already know, and how worried about you they have been.

However, don't be sandbagged if they have this typical reaction: "No! You don't have a problem! You just like to have fun!" It is sometimes hard for friends to admit that a friend has anything wrong in life. Sort of analogous to the way a friend will say "no that does not make you look fat". Feeling supportive, they will enable unintentionally. So just in case they do that, make sure YOU know where you are, first.

MsJax

I don't think it's necessary to tell people. Sometimes input, even from friends, is not constructive. In my case they figured it out on their own. Plus, actions speak loudest...

ArgentOfSilvae

Good point bellakeller, now that I think on what i've said it does feel like i want to tell them to relieve my guilt, but I also think I owe them some explanation, I have lied a good many times over the last 7 years as to why I wasn't there, didn't get something done. They have always accepted my excuses and said nothing more of it.

--

I maybe should have mentioned in the first post, although I class these people as some of my closest friends, and they are co-workers, It is an entirely virtual relationship, we are spread across the world and communicate daily via skype, sometimes voice mostly text based. So there are no conversations about going out drinking together, so there will be no pressure from them in that sense.

I'm actually a in the house drinker, and always have been, I dont socialise at all (other than the aforementioned skype), now that I think about it other than my partner and family members, I have no 'real world' friends

AoS

Mark75

My opinion, and that's all it is, though I have experience with this... Wait until you've made some more progress.

Apologizing are just words. Amends is something different. Once you've recovered, you'll know what the right thing is to do, not necessarily say.

Now, if you have to tell them, that's different.

ArgentOfSilvae

Thanks All,

Had a discussion with my partner on the same subject, who gave me similar advice,

I've decided to hold off until I am further into my recovery, and then to decide how to go about making up for it, be that in actions or words,

appreciate the advice

AoS

Spiderkitty

Waiting is good to be clear on your motives and prepared for the variety of possible reactions. However, as they are such an integral part of your life and not a part of your drinking, telling them may increase your sense of being honest in your world and strengthen your commitment to sobriety. It might be necessary or helpful to ease the strain of your inability to work as productively as you would like during the first weeks. My m.o. while drinking was always to keep quiet, lying by ommision rather than commission.

For me, the more my life is predicated and defined by my being a non-drinker, the greater the safety net in my internal and external life. Moreover, it has been a joy to be an "open book" not worrying that my actions don't match my words even if I am the only one who knows that I am lying. Too, every now and then, it has helped someone else who has a problem. That has been my experience over the years but I took it slowly and carefully.

I wish you well and happy.

Spiderkitty

P.s. I was an at home drinker too.

OceanSize

Hello - 71 days sober here and I would like to share something that someone said to me within my first two weeks, and I'm glad i took her suggestion.

I was on a pink cloud for the first few weeks. I felt crappy for sure but i was so happy to finally feel good (and sober) and basically knee deep in Step 1 that I wanted to let people know "i know what's wrong with me!!!"

but a suggestion from someone with 24 years of continuous sobriety helped me tremendously and i didn't share it with coworkers.

I should also add here that i, too, freelance and some of the folks i work with are also very close friends. But they still don't know.

The suggestion i got was to focus on my recovery. it's a program of attraction which means ultimately our recovery will likely be....obvious. If there are amends to make, it is suggested that we follow the steps, and that's not until step 9. It was suggested to me that thinking about telling people was keeping me in my head. It was suggested that I think long and hard about the consequences of sharing my private anonymous recovering self with the "outside world" - best friends or not. I have found that many folks, bff or not, have their own opinions about a) alcoholism (and what it looks like or "should" be) b) Alcoholics Anonymous and here's the kicker for me: c) the need for we alcoholics to declare ourselves healed as a means of explanation or amends.

I wish you the best. I have been extreeeeeeeeeemely selective about who i tell and still feel like i've told too many people.

Another suggestion that came from the same person was to think about this: once the cat is out of the bag, there's no retracting it....

xoxoxoxo

sugarbear1

give yourself at least 90-180 days!

ArgentOfSilvae

Oceansize, a most helpful post, thank you

OceanSize

:ghug3

happyinco

AOS,

just my two cents but I'm willing to bet, if they are that close for that long, they already know. If they are good friends, might be worth telling them to surround yourself with support.

Keep it up!!

Anna

I agree that holding off, if you are not absolutely sure it's the right idea, is the way to go.

It's not something that you can ever take back, but you could still tell them in six months or so, if you wanted to.

And, do be cautious about acting out of guilt, as others have said.

eJoshua

I do regret some of the people that I told in early sobriety, and like Anna says, you can't take that back. I'd hold off.

ArgentOfSilvae

thanks all,

Definitely going to hold off until I feel it's needed or I am ready, to quote oceansize i'm on a 'Pink Cloud' at the moment and feel like everyone should know how well I'm doing. But it doesnt mean that everyone should know, or will even care :P

I certainly dont want to add another regret to the list, so ill keep stum

cheers

AoS