KathP

Well, I say "today" but really I've been kind of in a funk for about a week. I don't know why -- I'm relatively healthy (gettin' a cold though, I think) and the kids are good and my husband & I haven't even been fighting that much. But there's that obsession creeping back in!

Recently a friend of mine relapsed. She did come back to AA meetings & is much more herself now, but when she told me she'd had a slip, I was actually a bit envious. That is not healthy thinking, especially when I've been sober for over 2 years!

Yes, I have a sponsor. Yes, I'm getting to meetings -- daily since this past Sunday, actually. Yes, I'm staying in touch with people in the program. Yes, I'm trying to pray. Yes, I'm somewhat active -- I do the coffee in my home group.

I know this will pass. This is not the first time that I've felt like drinking in sobriety, but it's been quite some time since it's happened. But what else can I do that I'm not already doing?

foodie1

Hi KathP, I have no words of wisdom for you as I'm newly sober, but I wanted to say hi and that I hope you start feeling better soon. It sounds like you have a good support system around you and, more importantly, are using it.

Jallen83

Kathy,
I felt compelled to say hello and I hope you feel better. I'm only a few days sober and am in quite a funk myself so I feel ya.

heathersweeds

Hi KathP I just got a cold and I dont know about you but right before I get sick I am misserable!!! Also my friend who helped get me in the rooms relapsed a few months ago and is still out there. She met a hot guy they drink every night he got her name tattooed on his body he's talkin about getting married already i was soooo jealous and thought to myself how can I tell her to come back..I want her life!!!! So I sat down and had to run my tapes (I have to do this often) For me its my thinking and I know if I would start drinking again all those feelings would come rushing in - ungreatful low self esteem feeling of entitlement, and the dark dark feeling of no hope not to mention physiclly sick!! I never want to feel the way I did at my bottom again and I know for me It will lead there. Never in my drinking was I ever satisfied at my level of numbness I always had a nagging for more untill I blacked out. Got a call from my friend shes still drinking the new bf and they seem happy but thats her and her journey!

bellakeller

I am in a funk too. No words of wisdom; just know you're not alone.

Earlier in recovery, whenever I learned of a fellow recovering alkie going back out to drink, it really affected me strongly. I couldn't even really describe exactly how it felt; it escapes description. It still bothers me, but it doesn't floor me anymore the way it used to; though I do feel empathy and concern for the person going out.

Much love.

LotusBlossom

In a funk as well, though I know why. Trying to figure out how to get myself out of it right now is the big one. . I really hope you figure out what it is that is causing your trigger because however subtle it is, there is a reason for it, no matter how small. And as everyone has said, you are not alone. And as you know, alcohol will not make it better.

keithj

What Step are you on? Meetings, prayer, having a sponsor, making coffee are all good things, but they are not the specific and precise actions that I took to recover.

Dee74

Hi Kath

Whenever I'm in trouble I find reaching out and dragging that monster into the light helps, so I'm glad you came here

I also find thinking laterally helps - in my case I often found it wasn't the drink I wanted at all - it was a sense of peace, or no responsibility, or respite, or just a bratty desire not to be different anymore?

If you can put a name to what it is you really want then maybe you can work this out?

You and I know there's nothing to be envious about anyway - think about it - would you really want to go back there?

D

artsoul

I do hope things get brighter for you soon. I sometimes miss the "mental vacation" alcohol used to give me, but have found that I can get the same results by just taking a day off (and I mean a day off from everything). No agenda, no "what do I have to do today?" ...... if I want to eat ice cream and watch TV, spend the day on a hobby, or go somewhere, I do it. The only rules: no drinking and no worrying. It seems to work for me.

Getting a cold and seeing your friend relapse could definitely have something to do with your mood. Then again, I can't always find an explanation for mine, and just chalk it up to the ebb and flow of life.

This too shall pass......

eJoshua

The best way I've found to help get myself out of these funks is to perform some type of service, even if that's just coming on here and encouraging others.

Also, I find prayer and connecting with my HP makes a difference.

KathP

Thanks, everyone -- it's all a bit better today. I don't really have any idea what triggered it either, other than perhaps my friend's relapse -- I think it's just a buildup of general, everyday stresses. I still want to drink, though not as desperately, and I've been trying to keep myself distracted. Yesterday I went on a baking spree before I went off to my home group -- they got a veritable feast last night of apple cake, cinnamon buns and ginger cookies! And that worked for a bit, got me out of my own head (scary place in there sometimes). I just realised I have some last-minute costume stuff to do for my kids for Halloween, so that will help distract me today.

NYCDoglvr

I've certainly gone through phases like what you describe over the years.... They pass, as do the good times. You've got excellent instincts and will ride this out.