Good bye old friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 2
Good bye old friend
First time here and just want to share my experience. I've been drinking for 20 years non stop and would consider myself an alcoholic.
I suppose I am one of those closet drinkers as I have been able to hold a steady career as a software engineer and at the same time hide my alcoholism from everyone around me. Although I suppose it was easy considering I made a considerable effort to alienate myself from other people for years just so I could drink with out feeling guilty. "I drink alone" was my motto. And alone did I drink!
I loved my alcohol so much that I have sacrificed most of my life to to appreciate my own drunkenness every day of my life. I'm not married and never had to deal with all that because I am a selfish drunk. Nobody was going to get in the way of my booze. Period. Alcohol was the only friend I needed.
for nearly two decades I have been drinking so much I do believe it has affected my mental ability in some ways and with age, I think the results are starting to show
Physical problems are part of the package now also. I have gout attacks often.
It was a common schedule for me to drink a 24 case of beer or a 5th of whiskey within a day during the weekends. During the week I would drink 12-18 beers or a half a 5th every single night and be at work the next day. I was a very functional alcoholic.
I've never once tried to stop drinking. I liked it to much and there was no way I would ever stop.
.....
3 months ago I stopped cold turkey. Mostly because I was tired of the painful gout attacks. For me it was rather easy. I think... I took it one day at a time. Sure it did take an effort the first few weeks. The hardest part was that it seemed I did not have as much enthusiasm for the things I enjoyed while I was drunk as when I am sober. While they seemed very exciting and interesting while boozed up, the soon become a little boring while sober. It was a little difficult to keep my thoughts from wandering with "I wish I had a drink while doing this".
The strange thing is that I never had any bit of real withdraw symptoms. In fact, every day that went buy, the better I felt. I was eating better, getting more sleep, and feeling good about doing something positive. I've read some really terrible withdraw symptoms other people have experienced here and that must have been very difficult.
During these 3 months I've come to understand and accept the reality of my condition was a horrible mess. When I was drinking I was always exhausted, strung out and sweaty. The best cure for that was to drink. I would drink from the time I arrived home from work until the time I went to bed at a time usually 1am -3am and wake up for work at 7am. It was like a viscous cycle. I would feel horrible because I stayed up drinking all night, leave work exhausted wondering why i felt like crap and I knew the only thing that could make me feel better was to start drinking as quickly as I could after work.
Well that's all over and done with. I haven't had the slightest urge to start drinking again. I've thought about it sure. But all I have to do is to think about how miserable I felt for the past 20 years and I instantly am finished with the thought.
I think that some may think that I must not have been very deep in the depths of the horrible disease by my saying that. Oh but trust me I was. I've come to understand that for me, my recovery will be the easiest part of life. All I need to do is remember that horrible putrid dank place I've existed in and struggled with for half my life. Now that was real work. That was very difficult to make the decision to continue to abuse myself, my soul and the people I wanted to love. I was in living hell. Now for some easy life, whats left of it anyway.
3 months sober. 3 decades more to come.
Wondering if I will ever hit the wall that everyone talks about in the future. But right now I'm not thinking so.
I suppose I am one of those closet drinkers as I have been able to hold a steady career as a software engineer and at the same time hide my alcoholism from everyone around me. Although I suppose it was easy considering I made a considerable effort to alienate myself from other people for years just so I could drink with out feeling guilty. "I drink alone" was my motto. And alone did I drink!
I loved my alcohol so much that I have sacrificed most of my life to to appreciate my own drunkenness every day of my life. I'm not married and never had to deal with all that because I am a selfish drunk. Nobody was going to get in the way of my booze. Period. Alcohol was the only friend I needed.
for nearly two decades I have been drinking so much I do believe it has affected my mental ability in some ways and with age, I think the results are starting to show
Physical problems are part of the package now also. I have gout attacks often.It was a common schedule for me to drink a 24 case of beer or a 5th of whiskey within a day during the weekends. During the week I would drink 12-18 beers or a half a 5th every single night and be at work the next day. I was a very functional alcoholic.
I've never once tried to stop drinking. I liked it to much and there was no way I would ever stop.
.....
3 months ago I stopped cold turkey. Mostly because I was tired of the painful gout attacks. For me it was rather easy. I think... I took it one day at a time. Sure it did take an effort the first few weeks. The hardest part was that it seemed I did not have as much enthusiasm for the things I enjoyed while I was drunk as when I am sober. While they seemed very exciting and interesting while boozed up, the soon become a little boring while sober. It was a little difficult to keep my thoughts from wandering with "I wish I had a drink while doing this".
The strange thing is that I never had any bit of real withdraw symptoms. In fact, every day that went buy, the better I felt. I was eating better, getting more sleep, and feeling good about doing something positive. I've read some really terrible withdraw symptoms other people have experienced here and that must have been very difficult.
During these 3 months I've come to understand and accept the reality of my condition was a horrible mess. When I was drinking I was always exhausted, strung out and sweaty. The best cure for that was to drink. I would drink from the time I arrived home from work until the time I went to bed at a time usually 1am -3am and wake up for work at 7am. It was like a viscous cycle. I would feel horrible because I stayed up drinking all night, leave work exhausted wondering why i felt like crap and I knew the only thing that could make me feel better was to start drinking as quickly as I could after work.
Well that's all over and done with. I haven't had the slightest urge to start drinking again. I've thought about it sure. But all I have to do is to think about how miserable I felt for the past 20 years and I instantly am finished with the thought.
I think that some may think that I must not have been very deep in the depths of the horrible disease by my saying that. Oh but trust me I was. I've come to understand that for me, my recovery will be the easiest part of life. All I need to do is remember that horrible putrid dank place I've existed in and struggled with for half my life. Now that was real work. That was very difficult to make the decision to continue to abuse myself, my soul and the people I wanted to love. I was in living hell. Now for some easy life, whats left of it anyway.
3 months sober. 3 decades more to come.
Wondering if I will ever hit the wall that everyone talks about in the future. But right now I'm not thinking so.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Choctaw))) - Welcome to SR! I think I hit the similar wall, though I was a crack addict and the thought of going to prison greatly influenced my decision. My "recovery program" is a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and a whole lot of SR
I've got a little over 4-1/2 years in recovery, but can still vividly remember how miserable I was when I relapsed and how much damage I did. It goes a long way in shutting down the rare thoughts I have of getting numb.
Congratulations on 3 months!!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I've got a little over 4-1/2 years in recovery, but can still vividly remember how miserable I was when I relapsed and how much damage I did. It goes a long way in shutting down the rare thoughts I have of getting numb.
Congratulations on 3 months!!!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Keep on keepin' on.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Choctaw 
...I've come to understand and accept the reality of my condition was a horrible mess. When I was drinking I was always exhausted, strung out and sweaty. The best cure for that was to drink. I would drink from the time I arrived home from work until the time I went to bed at a time usually 1am -3am and wake up for work at 7am. It was like a viscous cycle. I would feel horrible because I stayed up drinking all night, leave work exhausted wondering why i felt like crap and I knew the only thing that could make me feel better was to start drinking as quickly as I could after work.
Well that's all over and done with...
Well that's all over and done with...
I will be blessed to be sober 14 months on Nov. 5th. Hoping the same success for you. Congrats on three months and welcome to SR.
--Carl
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
