Justfor1

Well I currently live with a number of family members & the house in in my mothers name. They have told me that the next bender I go on that I will be out the door. Now technically, I did not bring booze/drugs into the home or was even intoxicated at the house. I spent the days boozing & for 2 nights I slept on subway & another at a friends. Sadly, she did not believe that I was staying at a womens place and believed that I was intoxicated. Of course, I was but feel her rules need to be clearer. Looking back I always seemed to get into treatment or halfway house during the cold winter months. It is really hard being homeless in Chicago during the winter. It is also harder to find a shelter (thats not full) and hustle when it's cold. I've been applying at some very menial jobs just for something to do. I don't even mind minimum wage. My mother is getting part of my food stamps so there is incentive for her to let me live here. God I need to keep sober.

Taking5

I read this:

and then this:

So you can't go on a bender. Anywhere. I'd say she is clear enough now, don't you agree?

What are you doing for recovery? AA? SMART? Anything?

tallcactus

It is her house and her rules.
Get to AA meeting and get around people who are struggling also. This way you won't feel alone.
Finding employment would also help and fill in your waking hours and make you feel worth while.
Stay sober.

Justfor1

tallcactus, I agree working is a must. I can go to 90 AA meetings in 90 days but it wont pay the bills. The scary part is that my family is no longer believing the lies that I tell.

stugotz

Now thats the best thing I have read in days.

But anyway, if it was my house I would already have your garbage bags packed and waitin for ya in the driveway.

Justfor1

I was just thinking why were the devastating consequences of my drinking never enough to get me sober? What normal person would continue drinking after losing everything? Consequences never changed my behavior. I suspect my mental illness has an impact on the severity of my addiction. I'm currently so depressed I don't even have the energy to go on a 2-3 bender. I don't have the energy to go through the winter dealing with shelters, in-patient treatment, sober houses, psych ward, ect....

DaveO

This worked once for someone else I know.

Think about this, and dig deep with no excuses in the way.
Put the mental illness thought aside for the time being.

Is there something that you do not like about sobriety that you may be avoiding, or someone?

Just think about throughout the days

Justfor1

David, no I do not always like sobriety. I never even liked myself before I picked up the booze.

BackToSquareOne

I doubt that that question even has a simple answer other than we went back to drinking because we wanted to. The drive to do it was just stronger than the desire not to. Just look at the number of people on this board that had very serious consequences but still did it again and again. Searching for a reason is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

In my case I often had no more reason to go off on another bender than I had to paint myself bright flamingo pink and go jogging naked at 3 in the morning. There was just no rhyme or reason to it other than I felt like doing it. I quit searching for the why of it and put my focus on solutions but even with that the desire to stop the insanity had to be greater than the desire to continue on the merry-go-round.

AA4life

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Take your step, start working for your sobriety. Be proactive and try to think ahead of your disease. Stay two steps ahead of it. If you buy liquor when you have money in your wallet, then don't carry money. The first few weeks and months in recovery are really difficult but you have to start and then keep on keeping on.

Regards,