dealing with life

Old 10-19-2011, 09:54 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Michigan
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dealing with life

Well my husband has barely talked to me now for a month. He is deciding whether or not to divorce me. I have not drank since sept. 9th and do not have a desire. I have tried to talk to him but everything is all my fault even though he can be very emotionally and sometimes verbally abusive (this has been going on even before my alcholism). It is tough living with someone like this (can't leave would never want him to have custody of the kids). I have to learn to let my anger go it is not healthy for me. The other day the kids told me that he called me a ******, idiot, yo-yo and a---. When I found out I calmly asked him if the thought that was okay and unbelievably he said what is wrong with that instead of getting angry I just said in the future would you please refrain from doing that in front of the kids.

I don't know but a huge part of me thinks that he is waiting for me to drink again even trying to push me that way. I did have 7 months sober before this time. But I will not and cannot let him have that power. Just wanted to vent and see if anyone had any words of wisdom as to how to deal with this.
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Old 10-20-2011, 07:09 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740

I was not married when I was an active alcoholic or when I quit. so I have no expereince to share.

i do think a divorce lawyer is a good idea....then the custody laws would be explained
call your local bar association ....ask who will see you without a first fee. Some will some will not.

Prayers for peace going out....sorry to know of the situation.
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Old 10-20-2011, 07:12 AM
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bona fido dog-lover
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Location: SF Bay area, CA
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I can only speak for myself, but I would not want to be married to such an abusive and hateful person. To call you names in front of the kids is inexcuseable.
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Old 10-20-2011, 12:20 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 223
I don't have much advise here but I'm sorry about your situation. That is especially hurtful that he called you those names in front of your children.
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Old 10-20-2011, 01:16 PM
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Talk to a lawyer.
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Old 10-20-2011, 01:51 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Sadly, sometimes those we are closest to really don't want us to get sober. Or, they do and do not. I went to OP treatment partly because my husband was complaining about my drinking. During treatment, he was so supportive that it was almost feeling like Munchausen's-by-proxy type situation; he treated me as if I were made of glass. Can I drive you somewhere? Can I bring you anything?

But once my sobriety got established as an everyday way of life, he became quite nasty. The nastiness went further month by month. He began picking at me about very serious commitments of mine such as my career, my horse, my sons, my faithfulness to him, even my religion.

It was weird. I had thought sobriety would save my marriage. Instead it exposed the marriage's instabilities. We are divorcing now pretty amicably. He is drinking rather heavily.

Take care of you and your children. Your husband needs to do some serious emotional work. And from what you wrote, he may not be up to the task.
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