JellyBabyBoo

60+ days blown away... for those of you who know me, I am going through some very stressful times with my mom being terminally ill. Well, the family and I decided to go on a mini vacation to take a break from all of the sadness, and I just couldn't resist a cool drink by the pool. To be honest, I'm not disappointed with the weekend, I drank like a "normal" person on vacation. A drink by the pool, a couple of glasses of wine with a nice dinner, an irish coffee as a dessert. I never got drunk or drank to excess. I drank normally. So great right? Well here is the problem. Now I am already thinking about Sunday and football. I could probably drink like a normal person and have a few beers while watching the game right? Oh yeah, and if I can do that I could most definitely go out with friends and split a bottle or 2 of wine right? So for me, it isn't the actual slip that scares me, it's the voices that are now in my head. Gotta stop them, I know only too well where it will lead. Before I know it I'll be waking up to a nasty hangover every day and having that 'eye opener' just to get rolling. That is what sickens me.

Feels good just to get that off of my chest. On to day 2 (again).

JBB

CarolD

Yes.......that mental obcession is really difficult to counteract.

Hope you plan to re start your sobreity...do you have a plan?

Prayers continue for your Mom and all of you...

Dee74

I'm glad you recognised the road you were on JBB - welcome back
Prayers for you and your family.

D

Miela

It's seems to me that our addictions are a lot like an abusive partner (I am in an abusive relationship). Like my partner, your addiction left you beaten and broken so you decided you'd had enough. You quit, you've can't do it anymore. Desperation gives you strength. Then, as the memory of how bad it made you feel starts to fade, it creeps back in making promises that "it will be different this time", gifts and affection are poured on you. Empty promises. All of these designed to manipulate you. In your case, the joy of being a 'normal' drinker and false promises that it won't go out of control this time. Perhaps it's even trying to convince you that, actually, you're probably not really an alcoholic - your drinking was just a reaction to stress etc., who wouldn't drink under those conditions? The same way as my SO has tried to convince me that his violence isn't his fault. He's stressed... I wind him up... His job is stressful. Anybody would be violent under the same circumstances. Blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.

DON'T listen to that voice!!! I've done it myself - a few occasions drinking normally and that's it, "I'm cured!! It's a miracle!!". Invariably it ends in disaster. Guilt, shame and regrets. You don't deserve that! You've done so well to be sober for as long as you were. Failure is not failing down. Failure is staying there.


Stay strong - you can do it!

M