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Old 10-18-2011, 03:58 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by afraziaaaa View Post
Eddie, I am not sure it is super dangerous for me to abstain without medical help (yet) but then again I am not a doctor. All I know is what I felt today and in the past. Chances are in 5 hours I will be up early and having a drink to "taper off" again. Whether that is true or not, I am coming to the realization that the instances of perceived control are less and less frequent. Those times where I can put booze down after 3 drinks and deal with the discomfort are fading. It is helping me to realize that I am a REAL alcoholic.

Then again, maybe it is more dangerous than I think. I will still post here through the process. Even if I continue to drink over the next few days (until my appointment) I feel that this is the beginning of the end of my drinking.
It's the abrupt stopping without medical supervision that would raise a flag for me. I was caught in a snowstorm on my way to rehab - I can tell you it was more than uncomfortable, I seriously thought I was having a heart attack. While in rehab I saw a girl go through a grand mal seizure a week after medical detox. Will that happen to you if you stop drinking altogether? No way of knowing. Just be careful Afra - that's all I am saying.
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Old 10-18-2011, 04:37 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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If I were you, I wouldn't have a doubt calling myself a REAL alcoholic.
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Old 10-18-2011, 05:03 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr View Post
When I realized that non-alcoholics don't even think about alcohol, they can take it or leave it, I "got it" that I'm an alcoholic.
This was the case for me as well NYC, 100%! It was not the amount of drinking, it was the fact that I was constantly THINKING about drinking. Moderation didn't work for me because it just made the obsession about when/where and how much I could drink waaaaaay worse. I just recently relapsed after 60+ days. I drank "normally" this past weekend, not getting drunk, but the voices are now in my head saying "why can't you have a few beers watching the game this weekend" etc. Non-alcoholics don't think that way. JMHO.
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Old 10-20-2011, 12:07 AM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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afraziaaaa,

It is different to talk with people who understand through their experience the very slow dawning that takes place when we begin to stop kidding ourselves.

When we're still flying blind the first drinks of each drunk are the right and indicated thing to do for perfectly sound reasons that seem completely nuts to anyone but ourselves. For the time it takes to get them down we can suspend our normal and rational abilities which still work well to avoid holding our hands in flames.

We wouldn't ever believe for even a few moments that we can and should drive on the wrong side of the road and it's hard to picture that we would believe wholeheartedly and act on that insanity several times a week for decades, deciding after each awful wreck for sure not to do that again.

Beginning to see through the lies that each time allow us to turn the wheel and switch lanes to yet again take our chances with the oncoming traffic is progress.

Getting to the point where we have clarity 24\7 about what we have been doing to ourselves is hard to accept and admit. Usually we can follow the thread for at best a few days or weeks or months before we are again blinded and temporarily sell ourselves on another perfectly good and proper albeit completely insane reason to do what is nuts to us when we are again in our right mind.

Alcoholics understand alcoholic insanity (taking the first drink). You're comfortable here because you feel that we get what's going on with you and that's true, we do. Having done our time in the same spot you're in makes that possible.

Staying in this spot and not searching further is what most alcoholics do, but some move further and do things in the real world they would rather not do to gain and retain more clarity that lasts for longer stretches, some few even extending themselves to access answers that work well for the rest of their lifetimes.

You'll know which group of alcoholics you're in by what you do or don't do as you go on.

Whatever path you choose you'll be dealing with this condition in some manner while you continue to breathe, so I hope that you will eventually choose well for yourself. As I or someone I care about may someday be among the oncoming traffic you find yourself speeding towards.
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Old 10-20-2011, 03:15 PM
  # 45 (permalink)  
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I am on day 3. I am considering mostly attending NA, but still having a men's AA group that I go to. I am exploring around my area. I stumbled upon an NA meeting on tuesday that I initially thought was AA. It turned out to be a good experience. I went to an AA group last night that I was turned off by. I felt the group was pretentious and unwilling to truly get honest. I mean that I felt like people were trying to just fit in with the AA crowd. I did that. I called myself an alcoholic and talked the AA game without really believing it.

It was probably all in my head, but I don't think I will go back to that one, at least not for a while.

I keep trying to convince myself to drink. I have taken to sweets for the past couple days and they have helped with the cravings. I guess they are better for me than boozing at this point.
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