ButterflyMan

Day 52. I guess I had kind of started to believe this was going to be easy. I seemed to be flying up until a couple of days ago but now I'm slowly starting to remember that feeling of escape. I know what it will mean if I drink again. I thought sonehow that things would become magically better by now but now I feel like Im going through the motions. I wont give in but Im having a dark few days. Hopefully just putting my feelings here will help a little.

suki44883

Yeah, once that pink cloud dissipates, reality sets in. Are you using any type of recovery program? Most people find it helpful.

Aegian

Hi ButterflyMan,

I can relate. 45 days here and missing what I can only call the 'ramp down' - that time at the end of the day where I used to switch from Daytime On to Evening Numb via the bottle. Finding that hot tea helps for that transition physically, but some days, the mind just doesn't want to cooperate.

It is apparently a learning process?

You aren't alone.

xxzzfile

The trick is in feeling the feelings. It sucks but it does get easier with practice. I drank to kill all my emotions and feelings. Now I feel the pain. Each episode makes me stronger. Plus I take Anatabuse to remove my option to drink on a slip. Sober 2 years 6 months and 11 days. But in reality one day at a time.

CarolD

How I keep my pink cloud flying high.....I go help someone else ....

Yes...it's often a fellow AA member..but I don't put limitations on my assistance.

I share on the Gratitude Forum....I have daily connection to my God.

Boleo

That's how I felt after every relapse I had, before having a spiritual awakening. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop - which it always did.

I had to find a way to escape from the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse; terror, frustration, bewilderment and despair. Alcohol was my escape for so long I knew of no alternatives.

It was not until I found peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose that sobriety seemed worth having. I now use self-appraisal, prayer and meditation to enjoy being sober. When the suffering stopped, the drinking stopped automatically.

eJoshua

I found that things got harder for a while and then they got even easier, not because life was suddenly easy but because I started finally learning how to live without alcohol. I don't think this started making any sense until 90 days in. I defeinitely remember some low parts around the 45-90 day mark. Stick with it, it will probably get better.

That being said, I agree with Carol that helping others and getting out of my own head has been a big thing that has helped to keep me sober, even if that's just coming on SR for a bit to try to encourage someone else.

foodie1

I'm in the same boat ButterflyMan. A few weekends ago I really really wanted to blow off some steam, in all truthfulness, I wanted to "be bad." Whatever that means! Lately it's more of a bored-with-sober-living type of feeling, but I have to blame myself for this because I'm not giving myself any "activities" or fun releases, like I did in my first 3 weeks of sobriety, just coming home after work and relaxing. Relaxing is nice, but I think it's time to add a little variety. I'm trying to remind myself that the only limits to what I can do with my every day are those limits I put on myself, especially now that I'm sober. So if I'm bored/angry/rebellious/lonely it's up to me to seek out the cure for that moment. (and the cure ain't drinking)
The old-timers say this will pass, we should hang in there and see if they're right. What's the worst that can happen?