joedeertay

Hello everyone, I'm an alcoholic(first time typing/saying that) and a drug addict(not the first). I am not seeking medical advice, just information/experiences.

I want to be sober. I threw out a trashcan that smelled of urine(don't ask, lol most already prob know) While doing that I decided I wanted to throw out another terrible thing in my life, drinking. Came straight from the trash bins and found this site and have been reading for about 3 hours now.

I've been drinking for 4 years (24yrs old)

I've was addicted to opiates/heroin and I beat that July 14, 2009. Never again.

(I could go into back story/etc. but I don't want to waste anyone's time)...So, Since then, I took up a new addiction...alcohol, xanax, valium.

I have a MAJOR problem with insomnia. With that said, lately I have been taking the benzos/alcohol at night...staying up late, sometimes until the sun rises until I can fall asleep. I am currently going through about 2 1.75 liters of whiskey a week. And I have been trying to taper the benzos and have succesfully got down from 1mg xanax/60mg valium to .5mg xanax/15mg valium. So lately, each night I have been taking the benzos and drinking until I can pass out/fall asleep.

I wake up shaking/dehydrated(most major shaking/cloudiness goes away within about a hour with enough water) and go about my day until the next night(usually starting about 12-1am)

I have been doing this to try and get on a normal sleep patten....lol which isn't working and I know the reason why..Geez how did I get myself into this position...

Solution: is also the Problem: Detox. I understand that most, if not all would recommend detox. But, you know what they give in detox..valium/benzos, which is an addiction I already have.

I want to get off of EVERYTHING, I realize what this all is doing to my life, and I won't have it. wow, this got long fast...let me get straight to the point.

I don't want to have a seizure or die. If I only took the benzos and tried to sleep on my own.... when(or if) will I start noticing signs of going cold turkey?

I've stayed up as late as 4hrs after taking benzos(12am) without any notice of withdrawals from alcohol at all, just that I needed something to relax me for sleep...But I've been to scared to try it, actually falling asleep(miracle) and waking with a seizure...

I want to deal with one addiction at a time. I know that most will say go to the Dr....But I would REALLY love to beat this with privacy.

Any and all information/help would be greatly appreciated!

I'm sorry its so long and that I sound to cold/hard headed/stupid....just kind of realizing this is the first time I've wanted to say no to a major problem in my life....

Thank you all so much!! A lot of inspirational people on here!

EDIT: I don't drink during the day at all, this is all a night time/end of day thing...if that makes any difference, kinda a fyi I guess lol

sadsoul2011

Welcome to SR! I'm to new to give advice, but I wanted to let you know that you've found a wonderful place. Many wise members will be by shortly to help you out. Best wishes on your journey. You should be proud that you're making such positive changes at such a young age.

Dee74

Hi Joedeertay

Welcome

I'd go with the Dr.

'Beating it with privacy' is one thing - but so long as you're beating it - it sounds more like it's beating you right now though?

If you're honest about all problems, all you're drinking and taking, and all your past history, a good Dr should work out a suitable treatment for you taking all factors into consideration.

D

joedeertay

Thank y'all for the warm welcome

I was going to write about how much it would effect my life and everyone in my life if I dropped the 'bomb'.....

But, instead I've been sitting here for about 30mins starring at the screen, thinking...

"“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be”Lao Tzu"

...I don't like who I am right now...I wish I could go back to when I had my first drink and just say NO...but whats done is done, can't change the past, only the future.

I've been wanting off of this stuff for a while now..yet here I am. In the back of my mind I kinda knew a Dr. would be the last option. lol and this sounds like its my last option now ....now just have to find the right time to drop the bomb

nut up or shut up. I'll let y'all know when I get a chance to meet a doctor/expose myself.

Dee, thanks bud. Kinda making me now realize what I've known all along is the truth.

Thanks again!

Dee74

I like it when I find myself in the right place and say the right things LOL
Thanks Joe

D

Taking5

If you go to your Dr. your privacy is assured. If your Dr. tells anyone, he can lose his license to practice medicine. What is your concern?

xxzzfile

Detox centers handle multi-addicted people. Find a gov't supported one and do 5 days and then start life over. One day at a time.

dawnrunner

Welcome to this great community!

Handling things with privacy is what many addicts (self included) do best.

It was hugely beneficial to me to start being honest and talking straight to people, starting with a doctor.

Best wishes to you for a sane and healthy future!

Miela

Welcome to SR Joedeertay

I'm afraid I'm only on day 4 so haven't a lot of advice to offer but please do listen to those who have suggested you reach out for RT medical help because it sounds like you could do with it right now.

Wishing you all the best on your journey and keep checking in with us.

M

Hevyn

joedeertray - I'm so glad you found SR. I don't have any specific advice, but wanted to say how glad I am you're coming to this realization at such a young age. Many of us continue abusing into our later years, with disastrous results. I was drinking 24/7 at the end of my career, and almost lost my life trying to control the amounts I drank.

I hope you will get medical advice. Be kind and patient with yourself as the fog lifts - it'll be a whole new world, and you'll be free. Keep talking to us, and it'll help ease the anxiety.

NYCDoglvr

I remember feeling this way, ashamed of myself. I didn't believe it was possible to stop drinking (a magnum of wine/day for a decade). Finally I came within a hair's breath of dying from alcohol. I went to AA with the "gift of desperation" and was surrounded by people who helped me get -- and stay sober. I simply couldn't have done it on my own.

Today I have 7305 days. That's 20 years.

sissy07

Welcome to SR! I love this place.

I am glad to hear that you are dealing with this while you are young. A lot of us spent years drinking, etc. Just remember it will only get harder to quit, and the consequences will get worse....all of the sudden.

Keep reading and posting! Let us know how you are.

bellakeller

Sweetie, you didn't beat addiction, you just replaced it with a different source and name. So you probably still need to get treated for it somehow and learn to live without being addicted to something. Detox is a safe place to get help. I wouldn't try this on my own.

I ended up going to inpatient treatment and that helped for me and I was ready for it. Now I live sober with the help of a recovery program.

Much love and best of luck to you on your journey.

CarolD

Sorry to be tardy....I was busy with an AA meeting and fellowshipping with others who share my goal of lasting recovery..

Glad you will get assistance with your de tox. That is so wise
Look on those bottles of pills...they both say..."Do not drink while taking"
what you are doing is very dangerous.

Welcome to SR...

smacked

Welcome

Mersault

Gotta agree with Bella on this one. Swapping addictions was a specialty of mine. I would also enlist your doc withdrawl from cns depressants can be ugly. I had a bear of a time kicking my ghb addiction, with some lasting damage. Please be safe, and at 24 man what a huge step! Takes a big 24yr old to admit they've been wrong.

joedeertay

Wow.... I expected to make this post and see it disappear .... I can't understand why 16 random people would take the time out of their lives to post in my thread to help me... But all I know is, it really means a lot! I also know that you all probably see a lot of new users post this and never be seen again.... And that I know it has been a while since I first posted this(been waiting for the right time).. And I apologize for not keeping you all updated.

But here is my update: As of now, I have came clean and I now have an appointment on Monday the 21st for a inpatient/outpatient center for an 'assessment'(don't really know that that means..)

I do have one question, how do I know that I have the right doctor? as in, the doctor who could make the best possible plan for my addiction with alcohol and valium/xanax...

And also, I just want my live back before I first had that first drink... And I'm worried about coming off of these drugs without any long lasting/forever effects to me/my personality..

P.S. I'm sorry for using so many '....' I'm just new to this coming clean/doing something about it...lol

Thank you SOO much for each and everyone of you for your post/suggestions/help/caring. It really means a lot!!

DarrenW

Good luck, Joe. I am new here as well and believe this site will be very important for my recovery.

Mark75

Well, it's not neurosurgery you know... Getting off the benzos safely is just a matter of tapering and close observation. If the doctor works with the rehab, I am sure he or she has done it before... If the doc has ASAM after the MD then he or she is a specialist in addiction... But that's not necessary.

Just do what they tell you too... You'll be fine...

Dee74

I'm not sure we can know until we hear what they have to say, Joe.

If you're not satisfied for any reason with what they prescribe or suggest, you can always get a second opinion somewhere else

D