nvrbeentospain

Hey, all
I posted some here last winter when I gave up alcohol for 30 days. At that point, I wasn't fully committed to lifelong sobriety (some denial there) and started drinking "moderately" again. Since then I've had a couple of attempts to drink less but continue to have slips. I've realized I don't want to have just one ever. When I start drinking, I want to keep on drinking, and my goal of drinking is to get drunk. Once I start, I can't guarantee I can control it. So yeah, I'm an alcoholic. High functioning and all, and luckily I haven't lost anything major (yet!) to my drinking. My plan now is lifelong sobriety.

Right now I'm reading a ton and lurking on boards like this. I'm still thinking AA isn't the answer for me, but I'm open to attending some meetings at some point, mainly for social support. I'm not entirely committed to AVRT, but I have tried to tune in to my "alcoholic voice," which I've certainly got. Big things are that I'm trying to be positive about not drinking, visualizing myself as healthy sober person and stating that I'm a non-drinker.

I'm also putting together a list of the pros and cons of sobriety/drinking to remind myself that there's really very little to gain by continuing to drink, especially since drinking for me = getting drunk. So here's what I've got so far:

Advantages of Sobriety --
1. better health
2. lack of worry about career consequences
3. better relationship with my partner
4. no worries about what I'd do if I got pregnant
5. I can never get a DUI
6. No more hangovers!
7. Better sleep
9. Less money wasted at bars
10. No calories wasted on etoh
11. Better mood -- no post intoxication blues
12. No need for continuing anxiety/guilt about health consequences of drinking
13. better self esteem
14. no more black outs
15. no more post intoxication worrying about what I posted on facebook
16. more time

Cons of sobriety:
1. worries about isolation/separation from peers
2. being drunk is fun while it lasts
3. need to find new coping skills
4. inability to participate in societal rituals that revolve around alcohol
5. people will think I'm weird or boring

Seems pretty obvious which side should win.

ddrayer

I know how you feel on the cons list. One of my biggest struggles is being a graduate student at a large US university. So much of the culture here revolves around alcohol. For me it has been finding new activities and friends that do not always need to have alcohol involved to have fun. Thats been a struggle for me as well, I am a very shy person so I've really used alcohol as a social lubricant. I am trying to relearn how to meet and talk with new people.

I think the pros heavily outweigh the cons. I feel like when I'm drinking I am in constant fear of damaging relationships with loved ones, obviously I'm not nearly as productive, and my general feelings of self is improved greatly. Does that mean I'm successful in sobriety? Far from it I am struggling just like you but I realized its something that adds only negativity to my life and I need to change. I wish you the best in your journey.

CarolD

Glad you remembered we are here..Welcome back...

nvrbeentospain

Yeah, I live in a heavy drinking "sophisticated" town, and most of the social activities I get invited to center around alcohol. I'm shy, too, so it's difficult to branch out. I'm really needing to work on ways to meet new people and hopefully to meet new interesting non-heavy drinking people who share the same interests as me. Of course, I've been so wrapped up in the drinking culture, that non-drinkers seem really foreign. Thanks for sharing your story.

xxzzfile

At one time I had many 'Yets'. Eventually blew through them all except death

velmaT

Wow - making a list is a great idea. I really need to do that.
I'm a little nervous about social situations too. Sunday evening, I was at a dinner party with people who expect me to drink, so I felt like I had to tell them why I wasn't. I declined the beer and wine they were offering by light-heartedly explaining that I had a terrible hangover on the previous day and wasn't quite ready to indulge again. I wish I could use that excuse EVERY time, because people just kind of smile and give you that sympathetic, "Yeah, I've been there" kind of look. These are people I hang out with on a regular basis (my husband's boss and wife), and I'm not sure what to say when they notice I've quit drinking. I feel like I'll offend them, since they themselves seem to be heavy drinkers. {sigh}

But you know what? Your list has inspired me and makes the prospect of facing the "why aren't you drinking" question less tough to face. The pros definitely outweigh the cons!!

SSIL75

I just wanted to address your cons list b/c mine was similar. I have been sober for over a year.


This has been totally unfounded. People really don't give a **** that I'm sober. It stings a little
This was the central point, really for me. But what I didn't know was how much joy I would find in sobriety. Real, pit of my belly joy. It's a no brainer now which is making me happier.
True! All the better to live your life with.
Untrue for me. I still socialize with drinkers (not a ton. I have 3 kids) but all I notice is that people really don't drink that much. Now there was a time when my friends all did but not anymore. YMMV.
See point #1.

NYCDoglvr

Congratulations on staying sober 11 days. I went to AA because I couldn't get -- or stay -- sober alone. I hope you find what's right for you.

Eliasson

Congratulations on getting sober and thank you so much for your list. It's great re-enforcement for me!

nvrbeentospain

Thanks for the reply! It's always good to know that you can be fun and have fun without drinking.