AlexThedude

Hi, I woke up this morning, with homework to do, for class (I'm 21 in college)
I've been drinking for about 2 1/2 years on and off(not heavily for the most part until I turned 21) and lately, i've been drinking almost every night... and sometimes earlier
and I am experiencing this utter feeling of inadequacy because my mind won't let me forget about my past, and my failures, and how it could have been blah blah blah... and I really don't want to be stuck at home, but half a liter of Rum won't shut up about me drinking it. how do I summon whatever it is to not drink it?! help, please quick because I really want to drink it.
in an hour and a half I have to leave for class, but can't if I'm drunk.

freethinking

You could:

1) Pour it out. Don't think about it, just do it.
2) Get out of the house, grab a coffee and go to a library to study.

suki44883

Pour the rum down the drain and find a therapist you can discuss your issues with. Drinking never solved any problems and generally makes them worse.

AlexThedude

thanks for your replies, I feel a lot stronger now. I'm finishing up my homework, and eating pizza bread and drinking lime water, instead of Rum. I'm not anywhere near strong enough to pour it all out, but I am strong enough to not drink it, and to go to class. thanks again

iliveforyou

When you get back from class - check in here. You can do this - don't pick up that drink. You've come here for a reason, you can catch this while you are young and save yourself of many more years of misery. I'm glad you were able to go off to class sober, good first step I'm not a member of AA but many have had success with it or you could look into alternative programs - could be an option if you need some face to face support.

-Jess

Image101

Alex...I cannot even begin to tell you the number of classes I missed and assignments I failed to do because of booze. The number of times I said 'oh a drink will help me think about this paper' and then proceeded to get plastered and accomplish nothing. I too was drinking nightly at 21. It sucked me of all motivation, passion, and aspiration to be anything. Giving it up if it's affecting you like this is probably the best decision you could make right now. I know what it's like to be an alcoholic student; PM me if you ever want to talk.

LifeBlows

Image101 you sound exactly like me. Alexthedude please please leave the alcohol alone. I drank so much and failed so many classes I ended up getting thrown out of my program and haven't been able to sort myself out for long enough to get back in.

Please get help now!

whiskeyman

you can pour it out. you can do it.
save yourself.
what are you going to school for. to have a career, a good life, make money.
if you keep drinking thats all going away. and it will go quickly

tryingtolive

Heh, I first found this place when I was living in a frat house at age 21.

dawnrunner

I see drunk and hungover students in my classes, and I hear the excuses of students who have chosen to drink and drug rather than complete their projects and papers.

These students usually drop out/get academically dismissed and go back home after a semester or two. They then attend the local community college and either turn things around & study, or continue the pattern of drinking etc. and minimum-wage jobs, absenteeism from work, loss of jobs, and then either living in their parents' basement or out amongst others who now inhabit the culture of in-and-out (of jail).

After a few convictions (DUI, possession, public nuisance, assault etc.) it is very hard for them to come back to a better life. No license, no car, no parental support (burned through that), missing some teeth now, friends all use and steal from each other, bad employment record... They look back on those days at the U as from a great distance, and wonder what they hell they were thinking.

My point is that you are at a very real crossroads. It is not one paper, and one bottle of rum. It is a very high-stakes game, where to pick up is to fold.

Frustriert

Stop it, now. It is so much easier to do it now. Get HELP. Get a therapist. Go to AA and get a sponsor. SOMETHING.

I know the shame and guilt and loathing of past deeds. I know how you feel, the bottle calling to you, not able to stop thinking about it and what it gives you. It finally shuts down your brain, it finally just makes you feel good if only for a few hours. Then the next day, it all starts over again...that sick feeling in your stomach (and it isn't from the hangover), the guilt, the embarrassment, the shame.

There is a way out. There are a lot of people willing to help but you have to get to them.

If you can't pour the bottle out just get to an AA meeting. It is embarrassing at first, you'll be scared and thinking a lot of self-critical thoughts. JUST GO. Tell people your story. They will help you.

CarolD

The sooner you take an honest look at your drinking...the better

The fact you could not pour it out is a red flag for sure.
I know because I could not have done so either as a drinker
It's called protecting your current supply and defending your choice to drink.

Welcome...

bmwcycle

Alex, hope things worked out for you and that you made the right choice. To me I see a lot of good in your post, you recognize you have problem and you are attempting to fix it. I wish you luck in your struggle and hope you keep posting here with updates.

AlexThedude

I means a lot to me to get this many replies from people who've experienced similar hells... I went to class that day, came home, and got really hammered... and I've been pretty messed up every single night since then... I've managed to not drink during the day, but I realize now this is only the most recent addiction in a long line of them throughout my life, addiction, escapism is part of my identity... most of them were more subtle and this is the most destructive one by far. So much of what people said is true... it's so hard to do homework plastered for me, and it's taken motivation and shafted it away. I am most certainly addicted now, that's a first step right?? I just feel so damn horrible all the time... even when I'm outta my head. I find it's impossible for me to accept my past =( and I find myself sabotaging everything that could make me happy, so i'll have an excuse to go back to my addiction. I'm not in the driver seat anymore, last night I literally watched my hand pour some rum and lime water down my throat, without my consent. It's like my ID has hijacked the action potential region of my dopamine system (I'm studying psychology btw...) And yes, I understand the mechanism of addiction both from personal experience and classes on the topic... but I can't help but watch it unfold anyway. I'm sober at the moment, but God are the cravings starting fiercely. I'm slightly hung over, but, hey, that's normal right? =(

Animal454

How are you doing today? You plan on starting fresh with day one again or do you plan to drink tonight?

dawnrunner

Your university health service has a program to help you. Go see a confidential drop-in counselor. Tell them a bit of what you've written here. Do not be shy or feel superior to getting help. You should not be alone in facing this beast. You can turn this around. The semester is about 1/3 over. Don't burn up that tuition, and don't kill any more brain cells.

Best wishes for your return to sanity and health.

CarolD

I'm pleased you posted again...

Speaking of first steps....here is the one from AA.....

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

Yes...I happen to be an active long time member and hope you will check out your local AA groups..we do understand about alcoholism...

This might be a little basic for you...but I found it interesting

http://chemcases.com/alcohol/alc-07.htm

MemphisKitten

Congratulations! The first step is admitting your life has become unmanageable! I feel you, as I am an addict also desperately trying to make it through college. I'm also hoping to find some help here. Best of luck to you, and YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

CarolD

MemphisKitten....Welcome to our recovery community and to the Alcoholism Forum...
Glad to know you are heading into a clean and sober future..good for you!....

ForeverDecember

I dropped out of uni due to drinking. I was a young alcoholic and by the time I was in my second year of uni I was missing early classes due to hangovers, and missing afternoon classes due to being drunk. I remember one class I used to attend after a jug of beer at the uni bar and, boy, did I come up with some embarrassing stuff in that one.

I finished my degree, after a three year gap, with almost as many completed subjects as failed ones. And they charge you for the ones you don't complete. So I have pretty much doubled my HECS debt because I was too messed up to study properly.

Don't think that you're clever enough to be an alcoholic and a successful student - in my first year I had 8 subjects, and battled with the bottle, knowing that I had a problem, but thinking that I could manage it. I finished with 2 high distinctions, 5 distinctions and 1 credit (the scale from best to worst being High Distinction, distinction, credit, pass 1, pass 2, fail). I thought I was so clever, getting such a high grade point average, that I could drink and study... As I said, after 2 more years of being a "full time student" passing 2 subjects, failing 2, passing 2, failing 2, and being brought in to speak to the course coordinator due to poor performance and repeatedly failing the same subjects I left uni, my degree not even half completed.

Once I started to clean up my life, I took some subjects by correspondence. I eventually returned as a full time student, and somehow remained sober enough to complete my final year with a GPA a 6.11 out of 7. My degree is hanging on my wall next to the computer as I type this. The degree represents so much more to me than the subjects I took.

Get help sooner rather than later. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking "I'm an alcoholic" and so you act like one. Think to yourself "I'm sober" and act like that instead.