MrDavid

Hi Alex,

I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma. What it boils down to is choices really, and whether we have enough willpower to resist whatever temptation lies ahead. Ultimately, the choice is ours, pure and simple. You...of course didn't respond so well. And that's only the beginning.

It can be the beginning of a fatal obsession or maybe a blind ambush from alcohol craving, but it does merit a second glance however you define it. If you feel overwhelmed, confused or burdened in any way, then it can be many things. However, if you feel the bottle is the only source of comfort, then you need help. If talking to counselors, family or friends bothers you that much, then I suggest you find solace elsewhere. "AA" or an addiction counselor can help. And so can a confidential counselor as stated earlier. Whatever you do...don't drink. It could be your last. Period...

Remember, anything that can detour us from pursuing our passions is not worth the hassle. My suggestion, find a solution that works...for today. If recovery through a traditional 12 step program doesn't work, than I suggest you try an alternative method and see if that helps. Treatment options may vary but the results are the same; a potential for long term sobriety and a lot less headaches, for sure.

~God bless~

freshstart57

Dude, (may I call you that?),
If you want an incredible boost to your self-esteem and your general mood, I have a tip for you. It's a simple exercise, will only take 1 minute, it's free, and after you do it you will feel better than you have in years. There is no training required, no councilor to visit, no meetings, nothing to read, and you can do it this instant all by yourself. You won't believe how much better you feel. It's also foolproof, guaranteed to work. Ready?

Dump your booze and say goodbye and good riddance to it. I double dog dare you to tell me I'm wrong.

*waiting*

keepstrong

Hey Alex,

I'm 31 years old and I'm an alcoholic. I started around the time you did and continued up until a couple months ago. Alcohol took some of my best years away. Money, embarassment and 10 years down the drain. And for what? A few good times (that had little if anything to do with alcohol), tons and tons of money down the drain and a lot of poison down my gullet, and so much recovering from excess alcohol only to do it again and again for years. If I could go back in time, I'd pour that alcohol down the sink, study up, and have fun with people without the drink. Nothing says you have to drink to be around people, whether they are drunk or sober has nothing to do with you right? And do they look like they are having fun when they are becoming violent or sick, recovering, or blowing all their cash on the junk? What a waste!

If you are struggling with cravings, distract yourself with something else. This forum, homework, a nice jog, a small project, prepare a nice meal, something that breaks the cycle of the useless habit.

It may take some time and sacrifices, but it is well worth it!

AlexThedude

so yesterday, I hung out with friends from like 6 pm to 2 in the morning, didn't drink, got home, and did some of my daily exercises, then it did a sneak attack and made me drink it. (what remained of some Bacardi in my trunk) the result is that i got wasted, and did not finish my exercises... (I've been working out every single day without exception for over a year now, but alchohol makes me do less at times) and I am now hung over again.

The thing is, though, it took me longer to start drinking... I almost didn't, but it got me once again just the same... feeling so pathetic

thank you everyone for your replies, even though I failed again...

and yes, freshstart you can call me dude,

endlesspatience

I real feel for your situation there. I like your line about your hand seeming to act all by itself. It didn't though, in reality. And when you're completely sober you'll see that sentence for the lie that it is. Other people in their replies have talked a lot about consquences and because of their experiences, some of them have taken quite a serious tone. But they are talking about seeking help and looking for solutions. They sense that because you're posting here there is help within reach for you. Are you now in a place that you can actively seek help?

Mersault

Well Duder it's really all up to you drink, don't drink but do yourself a favor and read through just the Newcomers posts. Read each one, soak in the PAIN each one is simple oozing with, and then post back here with a good reason why your drinking is going to take you down another path. I'll also tell you brother not all Alcoholics/Addicts drop out on assignments, work outs, employment, lose teerh, and are on the edges of society. I feel desperately for those who are, but that wasn't me. I juggled it all got a degree in Bio/Chem, at 25 I tipped the scale at 235lb at 8% bf, traveled from Asia to Europe for a number of years making ******** money, dodged the three letter boys, opened my own biz, and to all eyes was a rip roaring success. In reality I was a total junkie, and it eventually catches up. Inside I wasn't a success at all. Truthfully I don't know how I made it through the last few years when it really started catching up. I don't want to see anyone go through it. Read the stories brother. It might not be you, hell you might keep juggling it all and never drop a ball. It just gets SO MUCH harder because the longer you wait it's ball after ball after ball and keeping them all in the air is simply exhausting. If your a creature of logic weigh your odds, and ask yourself if it's worth continuing to gamble. Really seems to me you know the answer already, there's not a person in here who can make you quit, but when you make the call to finally quit they'll all hold you up.

AlexThedude

so i went to this public event and saw a bunch of people i knew, but i was so severely hung over i felt like some sort of alien... i ended up basically avoiding people, but I felt offended that they were avoiding me... I have no idea which is real, and it was a trip... but the point is that i'm completely out of booze right now, and the point i want to stress is that I drove by the stores with liquor in them, I think tonight's going to be the night... wish me luck, thanks a million just for reading this... i don't want to drink anything tonight. i'm going to take a walk instead.

Dee74

I hope this can be the start of something new and good Alex

D

Sudz No More

You're doing the right thing Alex. Hang in there those first couple days and remind yourself it will get better the longer you don't drink. You're going to break the chains, you just have to believe in yourself these critical first steps and don't look back.

Pulling for you Buddy.

freshstart57

Now is a good time not to drink, Alex, not to pick up. Convince yourself you can, because you can, of course you can. In your consideration of the present moment, make the plan to never drink during the now part of your life. The future part of your life will fall into place.

That's not going to work very well. How about tonight is the night, I will not drink tonight. You have to make that commitment, Alex, to stop now. Now.

AlexThedude

"make the plan to never drink during the now part of your life. The future part of your life will fall into place." absolutely brilliant quote.

I have a question to anyone who's recovered/recovering:
how did you deal with the past?
Right now, the biggest temptation is coming from all the wasted time i've used up in my addictions. I won't drink tonight. i've made up my mind, but now i'm on a regret trip. it's depressing.

george711

Alexthedude,

I got sober when I was 19 1/2 years old. now at 41, i understand how lucky I was to hit my rock bottom that young. I'm assuming you don't have kids or a spouse--it's easier to focus on yourself.

please don't beat yourself up. hang in there.

George

AlexThedude

Update:

my mental switchboard operator is currently feverishly pressing my buttons... it knows which ones usually send me out to the car trunk to unscrew a cap and pour a bunch of sh*t down my throat...

ugh... i'm, to say the least, disturbed to remember the past without a buzz...
can't sleep... i'm so angry it hurts. I've been muttering wildly to myself in the dark

wow. just wow. I don't like this. still haven't had anything to drink though, but there is wine I had forgotten about... it's not mine, and I dont want it.
how many ppl out there know this feeling??! ugh. not sweating though... feelin nausious and pissed.

Dee74

I know the feeling very well. I think it's something we all have to deal with Alex.

How do you deal with the past? You don't - not right now.
I know it can be hard to let go - but we need to.

We can't change the past, however much we'd like to.

We can make amends for the past - but that's a job for down the road a little IMO - staying sober should be your main priority for now - especially if you're struggling.

Use your energy where it's most needed, you know?

Worrying about regrets can drive you right back to the bottle...give yourself time to learn new ways of coping with emotions, with stress and with life, new skills - get your sobriety solid - then you can start sifting through your past - you'll be in a far better position to do that then.

You seem to be doing it pretty hard right now - besides us, what kind of support network have you got, Alex?

If you haven't got one, maybe you should think about the benefits of getting one?
think about a recovery group, or counselling - even speaking with your Dr can be a first step

D

AlexThedude

Well, that fit is subsided a bit... I feel better, but not okay.

I've got a couple of friends who know I have a problem now, but
as far as I can tell most people I know don't realize I have this problem anyway... I've been hiding addictions since I was 12, and so I'm fairly professional at it... but one of those friends is on a "meth kick," which, just the thought of makes me want to drink.
I'm definately not going to drink this morning, but wow, that fit or whatever it was sucked. still can't sleep and feel like puking, but i'm not pissed at the moment. I should probably mention that I'm also psychologically dependant on
marijuana, and have a script for it. I'm attempting to at least cut way back on that , because i've noticed it slowing my mind especially lately, but my priority is cutting the booze out, at least right now... It's probably the most destructive thing in my life at the moment. Today I've had nothing but 1 hit from a bong.

thanks so much for your support... what kind of non cyber support group is generally efficient? like AA? or would telling more people help? I'm not sure I'll need it, but with episodes like the one awhile ago, I could see them being invaluable.

AlexThedude

hey guys, made it yesterday... my head really hurts now. thanks for support, going to wake up

Sudz No More

Great job Alex! That's right, one step at a time. Too many crutches lost at once will bring them all back tenfold. Get control of the booze problem and work your way out from there.

I just want to warn you, you have a good way to go so don't lose your nerve. Remember these last few days and how bad you hated it, resist the urge to pick up again by going to these bad places in your mind.

Get past a week and just keep reminding yourself that it's all in your mind. You can do it.

AlexThedude

update:
havent had anything all day, and I feel alternately foggy headed, and clear headed... i've been having rage episodes all day, ruined a chair, stabbed a cuttin board, broke cds, threw a banana and waffles lol...
feeling okay, but still nausious on and off... i just can't get over how pissed i am.
i'm proud of myself though woot soberrrr

freshstart57

Alex, from your posts you were a regular sort of alcohol abuser. Now you are a regular sort of new abstainer from alcohol. The symptoms you've described, nausea, fuzzy head, insomnia are typical. I should warn you that if you start to hallucinate, you should get to your emergency hospital right away. Bad things have happened to really heavy drinkers who quick cold turkey. It's also not a bad idea to talk with your Dr. anyway. I can almost guarantee there will be no judgement, just support and medical advice.

You still gotta get rid of all the alcohol within arm's reach. This is a shaky time even for non-typical new abstainers and immediately available booze can't be a good idea. Give yourself every break you can so that you will succeed.

AA will certainly provide you with a non-cyber support group. But, you must admit, that as far as cyber-support groups go, SR has got to be the best.

Mersault

Might want to think about some meditation/centering work to help with the "fits". Learning to relax is something HUGE to addiction prone folks, hell it's that "stillness" that many of us are looking for with substance abuse. Might sound silly but sure helps me. Beats a face full of scare tissue from being an angry 20 something.