I'm a loser.. I totally messed up while on vacation
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
The real problem is not that you have too much vacation time or where you choose to vacation. The problem is you are an alcoholic. If you're anything like me, you'll drink anywhere whether you're on vacation or not.
Please address the real problem.
Please address the real problem.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 437
I screwed up a vacation with drinking! We were going to nevada, and I booked a horseback riding tour, a day at a spa, and a week at a nice hotel. We were all set to go, and I starrted drinking. And I drank. And then I took some of my pain pills, vicodin, which were suppose to be for my neck pain, anyway, I guess I came to in the middle of the night and vomited, and I aspirated it. So there I was with a bacterial infection in my lung. Was in the hospital for a week. (thus canceling the vacation) with "aspiration pneumonia". Was told there was 30% morbidity rate. Scared the hell out of me. Did I stop drinking ??? NO
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
A vacation involving rehab might well be the best thing you could do for yourself. It sounds like this last vacation involved full-on moving blackouts, who knows what type of behavior but bad enough to get you everyone's attention in the worst possible way, hospitalization and a serious illness you brought home.
Why not make this the turning point? I don't want to sound too dire, but you just might not survive your next vacation otherwise.
Why not make this the turning point? I don't want to sound too dire, but you just might not survive your next vacation otherwise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
I already sought for vacation with rehab, even before I went to the DR.
I found the best thing was with Jellenik, in the Nethrterlands, they send you off to and island and have you detox safely. I even called them. Seems it is only supported by Netherlands insury. My home insury (Belgium) could probably do nothing for me, and I can't afford this myself.
Maybe I should call them and ask, you never know, but normally, it's only on Netherlands insury.
I found the best thing was with Jellenik, in the Nethrterlands, they send you off to and island and have you detox safely. I even called them. Seems it is only supported by Netherlands insury. My home insury (Belgium) could probably do nothing for me, and I can't afford this myself.
Maybe I should call them and ask, you never know, but normally, it's only on Netherlands insury.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
What I mean I'd like to do but can't afford; Jellinek Retreat - Home (NL)
Tarifs there are from when you're on a Netherlands insurance. I'm not, I'm Belgian. That means 600 EUR a day.
Tarifs there are from when you're on a Netherlands insurance. I'm not, I'm Belgian. That means 600 EUR a day.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Maybe it would be best to stay away from all-inclusive resorts until you're more of a "veteran" and are able to resist the temptation. From liquor dispensers in the room to swim-up bars in the pools, alcohol is everywhere...no wonder you caved.
You could go to the DR and volunteer in one of the local communities. You travel and it feels good! Or volunteer in your own community...although it seems like not knowing what to do with all your vacation time is the least of your problems.
Unfortunately I don't know anything about how insurance works in Europe. I hope you can somehow find a way to work around that.
You could go to the DR and volunteer in one of the local communities. You travel and it feels good! Or volunteer in your own community...although it seems like not knowing what to do with all your vacation time is the least of your problems.
Unfortunately I don't know anything about how insurance works in Europe. I hope you can somehow find a way to work around that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: pacific standard time
Posts: 289
48 days ago (i've been sober 48 days) i got a great suggestion and it has helped tremendously especially in the first 30 days after my "last drunk" - i was full of shame, felt like a loser, i had really screwed up something beautiful, etc. I had flashbacks of a blackout (yes i realize that makes no sense) and felt plagued by shame.
She told me to look in the mirror in the morning and night when i brush teeth and say "I love you and I forgive you"
I put a note by the mirror (i live alone so it's easier, i don't know if you can do this) but the note says "i love you and i forgive you" and after 48 days I am still practicing this exercise.
In those first couple weeks it helped me a) take care of myself b/c part of the assignment was brushing my teeth and b) well, it is magical and i can't explain what part of it helped with my spirituality except to say that i feel much better
I should be clear though: this is not my only method - i have many tools now thanks to AA, even after just 48 days. However, the exercise that was suggested to me in the beginning was extremely helpful in getting me here today. Sober and with the land of the living, up every morning for a 7am meeting, focused on recovery.
I also heard this little nugget tonight in a meeting which may help:
"I have come to realize that anything i put in front of recovery will be lost"
I'm glad you came back here, you aren't a loser. You are alcoholic, and we understand.
She told me to look in the mirror in the morning and night when i brush teeth and say "I love you and I forgive you"
I put a note by the mirror (i live alone so it's easier, i don't know if you can do this) but the note says "i love you and i forgive you" and after 48 days I am still practicing this exercise.
In those first couple weeks it helped me a) take care of myself b/c part of the assignment was brushing my teeth and b) well, it is magical and i can't explain what part of it helped with my spirituality except to say that i feel much better
I should be clear though: this is not my only method - i have many tools now thanks to AA, even after just 48 days. However, the exercise that was suggested to me in the beginning was extremely helpful in getting me here today. Sober and with the land of the living, up every morning for a 7am meeting, focused on recovery.
I also heard this little nugget tonight in a meeting which may help:
"I have come to realize that anything i put in front of recovery will be lost"
I'm glad you came back here, you aren't a loser. You are alcoholic, and we understand.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Posts: 272
Originally Posted by Faith1984 
I already sought for vacation with rehab, even before I went to the DR.
I found the best thing was with Jellenik, in the Nethrterlands, they send you off to and island and have you detox safely. I even called them. Seems it is only supported by Netherlands insury. My home insury (Belgium) could probably do nothing for me, and I can't afford this myself.
Maybe I should call them and ask, you never know, but normally, it's only on Netherlands insury.
I found the best thing was with Jellenik, in the Nethrterlands, they send you off to and island and have you detox safely. I even called them. Seems it is only supported by Netherlands insury. My home insury (Belgium) could probably do nothing for me, and I can't afford this myself.
Maybe I should call them and ask, you never know, but normally, it's only on Netherlands insury.
Have you ever tried a doctor or an addiction specialist/psychiatrist? This is how I detoxed (in Belgium :-)).
Good luck,
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
I'm seeing a psychiatrist for my panic disorder.
He knows about my alcohol history AND recently suggested that I could have a beer under supervision after all the sober time, but wouldn't recommend it.
I haven't told him yet about my relapse. I will on monday. I hope he's not going to look at me differently than otherwise.
I had to call him today because I forgot some of my medication in the hospital at the DR. He's sending me a script. I wouldn't tell him all of this just on the phone.
I hope I will be strong enough to tell him the full truth of what happened.
He knows about my alcohol history AND recently suggested that I could have a beer under supervision after all the sober time, but wouldn't recommend it.
I haven't told him yet about my relapse. I will on monday. I hope he's not going to look at me differently than otherwise.
I had to call him today because I forgot some of my medication in the hospital at the DR. He's sending me a script. I wouldn't tell him all of this just on the phone.
I hope I will be strong enough to tell him the full truth of what happened.
Originally Posted by Beebizzy
Faith 1984,
Have you ever tried a doctor or an addiction specialist/psychiatrist? This is how I detoxed (in Belgium :-)).
Good luck,
BB
Have you ever tried a doctor or an addiction specialist/psychiatrist? This is how I detoxed (in Belgium :-)).
Good luck,
BB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Posts: 272
Hi Faith1984,
Please do tell the doctor - mine has been brilliant with helping me quit.
And another thing - don't worry so much about how people look at you and what they think :-) You need to do what is best for yourself, you know? And especially a psychiatrist - trust me, they've seen it all lol. They are not there to have an opinion, or to judge, but to help you get better.
Good luck with the appointment and let us know how it went!
BB
Please do tell the doctor - mine has been brilliant with helping me quit.
And another thing - don't worry so much about how people look at you and what they think :-) You need to do what is best for yourself, you know? And especially a psychiatrist - trust me, they've seen it all lol. They are not there to have an opinion, or to judge, but to help you get better.
Good luck with the appointment and let us know how it went!
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
I'm still stuck here with a bacterial infection from the DR. That doesn't help much 
I'm seeing a doctor for it within 2 hours. Wasn't able to go to work. Blood pressure went up to 17/11. Normally I have a low blood pressure. I'm worried :/
I'm seeing a doctor for it within 2 hours. Wasn't able to go to work. Blood pressure went up to 17/11. Normally I have a low blood pressure. I'm worried :/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
Since you're in Belgium (I'm also in Brussels):
Do you think my insurance would support this: Jellinek Retreat - Home (NL)
If not, is there a Belgian option?
Do you think my insurance would support this: Jellinek Retreat - Home (NL)
If not, is there a Belgian option?
Originally Posted by Beebizzy
Hi Faith1984,
Please do tell the doctor - mine has been brilliant with helping me quit.
And another thing - don't worry so much about how people look at you and what they think :-) You need to do what is best for yourself, you know? And especially a psychiatrist - trust me, they've seen it all lol. They are not there to have an opinion, or to judge, but to help you get better.
Good luck with the appointment and let us know how it went!
BB
Please do tell the doctor - mine has been brilliant with helping me quit.
And another thing - don't worry so much about how people look at you and what they think :-) You need to do what is best for yourself, you know? And especially a psychiatrist - trust me, they've seen it all lol. They are not there to have an opinion, or to judge, but to help you get better.
Good luck with the appointment and let us know how it went!
BB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Posts: 272
For in-patient rehab I honestly have no idea, sorry - I did not explore those options because I had success with just the doctor. Maybe you could ask your doctor about this on Monday? He might know and have some experience from other patients as to whether insurance covers it, and he might be able to recommend a good facility in Belgium.
Good luck later on with the doctor's appointment - I'm sorry to hear you are still ill.
Maybe I'll PM you as I don't want to monopolise or de-rail your thread :-)
BB
Good luck later on with the doctor's appointment - I'm sorry to hear you are still ill.
Maybe I'll PM you as I don't want to monopolise or de-rail your thread :-)
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
That's okay. Maybe you and I should meet (somewhere safe, I don't meet up with strangers where no people are around). Over a glass of coke light 
Maybe then, I'll FINALLY be able to cry. I've been wanting for so long, I just can't
Maybe then, I'll FINALLY be able to cry. I've been wanting for so long, I just can't
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
She's too clever, my doctor (normal doctor, not my psychiatrist).
I went there for my bacterial infection and blood pressure. I now know the problem is mostly based in my stomach.
She however asked, at the end of the consult, "how much did you drink today?". I told her the truth, nothing today, but a lot yesterday. And that I planned on staying quit, she listened to me how this happened etc. I also told her I wanted to talk to my psych about this monday. She warned me to be careful in the meantime. Due to the "kindling effect" I could have worse withdrawals than expected and to go to emergency if needed.
I'm pretty good at covering up drinking I guess, but not for her!
I went there for my bacterial infection and blood pressure. I now know the problem is mostly based in my stomach.
She however asked, at the end of the consult, "how much did you drink today?". I told her the truth, nothing today, but a lot yesterday. And that I planned on staying quit, she listened to me how this happened etc. I also told her I wanted to talk to my psych about this monday. She warned me to be careful in the meantime. Due to the "kindling effect" I could have worse withdrawals than expected and to go to emergency if needed.
I'm pretty good at covering up drinking I guess, but not for her!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,945
best of luck to you.. A.A. has made all the Difference in my life. i know i could lose everything if i picked up just One bottle of beer. it is a One day at a time thing. God Bless you Faith1984!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
My "higher power" is mother nature
Anyway, I was too worried, I called her (the doctor) up again. She's going to write me a script for something against heart palpilations (Imperal or something?) and some valium.
To get my through until I see the psych. It's good that she noticed something was odd.. I wouldn't have dared to start the conversation by myself. But she knows the history.
She's a really good doctor as she can see what patients don't tell!
Anyway, I was too worried, I called her (the doctor) up again. She's going to write me a script for something against heart palpilations (Imperal or something?) and some valium.
To get my through until I see the psych. It's good that she noticed something was odd.. I wouldn't have dared to start the conversation by myself. But she knows the history.
She's a really good doctor as she can see what patients don't tell!
Originally Posted by 24hrsAday
best of luck to you.. A.A. has made all the Difference in my life. i know i could lose everything if i picked up just One bottle of beer. it is a One day at a time thing. God Bless you Faith1984!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 47
He didn't see me as a full blown alcoholic, rather a panic disorder patient trying to self medicate. Since I had been clean for quite some time he advised if I did want to drink, I'd do it with my grandparents, as they would be able to say no to a second one.
He did however advise me to stay clear of all alcohol. But if I was gonna do it, do it that way.
My grandparents however were smart enough not to allow me any alcoholic beverage.
He did however advise me to stay clear of all alcohol. But if I was gonna do it, do it that way.
My grandparents however were smart enough not to allow me any alcoholic beverage.
Originally Posted by choublak
Have a beer under supervision? What?
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