Sidney14

Hi I find it really hard keeping friends in my life. I have now been sober close to 12months, but just feel really alone in the friends department. Yes I know a lot of people but friends the type of friends one used to have a highschool where you would meet up most weekends and talk on the phone or via email just do not exist. Even when I try to make the effort by trying to organise a movie type date or just catching up for coffee it seems like everyone is too busy or just does not want to be with me.............I have a full live three daughters one is nearly 14 and the other two are 2.5 and 1 year old plus a partner and a full time job. A really well my best friend I had we stopped talking for no reason a year ago, just stopped........we had issues before she always happened to be very judgemental and me being a alcoholic well what can I say but I was always there for her.....in any case her mum passed away now a months ago and she reconnected with me to let me know so I went to her funeral and everyday I send her encouraging messages to stay strong reminding her that I am here for her etc...I also lost my mum and was very close to her seven years ago so I know what it is like........I know she needs time, but I just feel that she does not want to be with me....I do not know........she also does not have any kids nor is she married I guess maybe for that reason our lives kind of started to really drift apart.........but still I miss her ..........Maybe I should just give up.......It just makes me really sad and depressed I so much long for someone I could talk to and be close to apart from my partner who does not judge but is there..........I miss having a close girlfriend............Maybe something is very wrong with me.........sorry obviously am not having a good day.............I feel unwanted at the moment.........maybe I am just wasting my time with my messages to let her know that I am here for her..........so stupid...........just feeling really alone and I have tears streaming down my face too............is it just me ???

TheEnd

Now is about one of those times to make a gratitude list and be thankful for all the things that you do have instead of focusing on what you don't. You have a partner and a family, and that's more than most. Just take this moment as an adjustment period. Things will turn out as they should be, just be accepting of whatever that may be. Cheer up!!

Dee74

I'm sorry you feel down today

I think it can be really hard connecting with people when the only way we've done that for years is with alcohol....but we can learn. We just have to keep up with the practice

Don't give up Sidney - a good relationship is where you get back what you're putting in and the ones you've outlined here sound pretty one way the way you're telling it. I'm not sure that's your fault.

Volunteering was a good way for me to meet new people and to get used to being socially sober.

If you have any hobbies or interests maybe thats another way to meet new people?

D

Sidney14

thanks I do do a gratitude everyday even at work or on the train, and you are right instead of focusing on what I do not have I should focus on what I do have. THanks so much for reminding me....

DaveO

I will say this, and it may not pertain to your situation.

During my drinking career I lost alot of old friends and made new ones.

At the end of my career when I fired the alcohol I lost all of the drinking friends which was fine, but I also lost my old friends.

I felt alone, but after awhile they all came back. I was asked to stand up in a wedding for one, and many other things.

The point is I thought I lost them, but I was the one that pushed them away with my out of control drinking. They said they were there waiting for me to sober up so they could have the old me back.

So this may be the time to let special friends know that you are sober, and making changes. Real friends will be there waiting to hear this, and waiting for you,

choublak

Well, keep in mind that she does know you're married. I mean she did call you to inform you of the funeral, but if you two talked on the phone and online several times every day, how would that look?

You say you miss having a close girlfriend, but isn't your spouse supposed to be your best friend, ideally?

AprilMay1895

I know the feeling!!!!!!!!!!!! I've got zip for friends AND dead single! It's a riot.
I did have one friend for a while but he was incredibly lazy, rude and we lacked anything in common so I told him to take a hike. I guess you shouldn't do that when you don't have any other friends. lol

But I agree with the gratitude list too. That will help you feel better for the husband and beautiful children you have. And for your friend who just lost a loved one, they may just need some space. Being supportive but then waiting for them to come around to you could help.

But anyway, the point is...I know how you feel, I'm there most every day.

CarolD

Well...\Because I have moved around in my life....I have often found myself in
situation of wanting to find new women friends to connect with
.
Depending on what stage in my life....I've been successfull when I joined
. local churches...Red Cross Chapters...PTA groups...Sports Mom's...AA...etc.

I too feel it's vital for me to think Pink when I want to explore new friendships.
I want to do and talk of female things...hair styles...men...fashion...nail colors. .

To get better acquainted...I usually ask someone if they have time to go for
conversation and coffee ...and Heck! I don't even drink coffee...
If one can not ..it's not rejection of me...it's simply they are too busy so
I say "Maybe another day"....then I ask someone else.

In the situation you describe ...I'm thinking you and she have drifted apart as you
now have different interest....not a reflection on either of you...

sugarbear1

Don't give up! Try a mom's play group or other interest...don't know if you have in person support, another place to get to know others. Be gentle with yourself. Can't find a friend by giving up or staying negative & self pitying / self centered. Reach out!