AprilMay1895

So, what I've noticed for the past year of challenging my drinking is that AA supporters say alternate recovery methods don't work and that alternate recovery method supporters say that sometimes AA doesn't work.

This conflict in agreement has caused me a lot of stress because when I get frustrated with AA and then try something else, someone from AA will usually tell me what I'm doing is wrong and give me some melodramatic line like I'm going to end up dead and drunk in the streets if I don't do AA.

This is just like politics isn't it???? There's the left wingers and the right wingers...the red or the blue...the democrats or republicans...the liberals or the conservatives. Just like politics, who's to say either group is right...but everyone who has a side demands it's the only way to be and gets defensive when faced with opposition. But really, it's up to you to decide what's right for you isn't it? Is that really what the deal is? Because if it is, I'd feel a whole lot of relief from always feeling like I'm doing it wrong according to someone else...when maybe I should just be figuring out what the right way is for me.

jamdls

Yes discussing recovery methods with people that think only their way is the right way is like politics for those with opposing views. There is no 1 size fits all in recovery what works for 1 can be a total bust for another, you do just have to figure out what is right for you. AA works for a lot of people, it wasn't for me but if it works for you great.

yeahgr8

I'm an AA supporter and i don't think that AA is the only way to get sober, i know it is one of the best and oldest programs out there for drunks to get sober, well the ones that actually want to get sober that is...

I don't get the you'll end up dead thing if you drink again that a lot of people in AA say, dying wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest at the end of my drinking...i think something like if you drink again you will return to the living hell you have just left and odds are you won't die quick and will live to 60 odd years old suffering from many health complications before you finally get the sweet release of death...that sounds more realistic:-)

BackToSquareOne

Whenever someone suggests that you're on a one-way road to perdition if you don't think like them just take it with a grain of salt and realize your talking to a very closed minded person.

Terminally Unique

Yes, that is indeed the deal, but you seem unable to trust your own instincts. You have the right idea, though; you just need to follow it to its logical conclusion.

soberlicious

yes...it certainly can seem like that. That's why I am an independent...politically and sobrietally LOL

ain't no maybe about it...

onlythetruth

Exactly. You've got it!

CarolD

I suggest you do what I just did ...go back and read your first post on SR....
I was the first member who replied there and my responses have not changed.

I hoped then as now do quit and stay stopped...

Boleo

Most of the low-bottom drunks that I have gotten to know in AA say "They tried every other option first". Oddly enough, that's when it seems to work best.

Dee74

As a young pup, I got lost in 'the opinions wars' for a while

As an older (and I hope wiser) dog, I think there's only 3 things that are important...freeing yourself from addiction, being happy about that, and finding the way to do that makes sense to you, aprilmay.

D

AprilMay1895

Oh CarolD, that was a very good call. lol I went back, read what I wrote before and I gotta say, I think I have a drinking problem. hahaha Oh Lordy, well I appreciate you all still being here months later and also that the forums keep track of your behavior by saving old posts.

All I have to say after returning to these forums is that AA is not for me and neither is drinking...maybe without either of them in my life, I can stop thinking I'm insane. lol Just reading these posts makes me "re-remember" how awful drinking has made my life and I just need to leave it alone. Yeahgr8 summed up my drinking life very well with "the living hell that refuses to kill you quickly."

Ranger

It is natural for one to become a passionate proponent of a program that leads him/her out of a living hell.

Unfortunately, it is also natural for a person to not only assume his/her path is right for everyone, but to even feel threatened by those who successfully follow alternate paths (or, said differently, to feel unduly bolstered by the number of people who successfully follow the same path).

It's like the "Chevy Syndrome"....I choose to drive a Chevy, so Chevy is the best and anyone who doesn't drive a Chevy is clearly less informed/educated/etc.

Nightsd

This discussion reminds me of the greatest cause of misery and suffering in human history, religion.

And it's just wrong for someone to tell you "this method" doesn't work WHEN THEY HAVE NEVER TRIED IT!

Ignore those ignorance fools.

laurie6781

You know all those years out there that I drank and bartended a lot also, two major "No Nos" for topics:

Religion and Politics.

Now sober a long time. Still 2 major topics I do not discuss unless it is a close friend and a 'friendly' debate are Religion and Politics.

Now these many many years later, when it comes to AA, well that was the only game in town years ago, and it did save my azz. However, what I say today is:

Check out all the different programs and methods available, PICK ONE. Then WORK LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER WORKED BEFORE to make that method work for you.

Recovery is the HARDEST thing you will ever do for yourself, and it is something you will do for the REST OF YOUR LIFE to stay sober and clean.

So, pick one.

Love and hugs,

AprilMay1895

I really wish I'd found a neutral party before I found AA. It looks like after I left AA I wanted to try other things but really thought in the corner of my mind that it just simply wasn't going to work so I read like only one chapter each of my "sobriety literature" and then dropped it. I drank and said to myself, "Am I miserable enough yet to go back to AA?" Nope, I'll drink then. I just pulled out my so called "sobriety literature" from the bins in my basement. I know what I thought after AA when looking at these books, "My sponsor would be so upset if she saw me reading this stuff." I still kind of see them as like banned literature, I need to kill that thought if I'm going to dedicate myself fully to a new option. To humor myself though, this is my library I just found. lol...

The Truth About Addiction and Recovery
12 Steps on Buddha's Path
Beyond the Influence, Understanding and Defeating Alcoholism
Seven Weeks to Sobriety
When AA Doesn't Work For You, Rational Steps to Quitting Alcohol
Undrunk, A Skeptics Guide to AA
24 Hours a Day
Courage to Change One Day at a Time in Al-Anon
Living Sober
Rational Recovery
Alcoholics Anonymous
12 Steps and 12 Traditions

And ironically, the only of these books I've read entirely from first page to last are the big book, the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions and Beyond the Influence.

Terminally Unique

I feel compelled to register my personal opinion that the above three non-AA books make some very dubious assumptions about the nature of addiction recovery. Take that how you will.

Dee74

I really wish you luck with whatever path you choose aprilmay - there's a lot of positive feedback and support to be found at SR

Keep reading and posting

D

LaFemme

I have friends across the political spectrum. I find that once we get past rhetoric we mostly want the same thing...ditto with recovery

LaFemme

Religion has also inspired the greatest acts of charity and compassion and funded the greatest works of art in history. There is always a second side to a story

Threshold

most 12 step programs I've investigated or been part of say they are spiritual not religious programs. If that sort of approach does not jive with you, well, they make it clear right from the start what the program is based on.

if you should choose to go the 12 step way, the HP can be anything that works for you. You are not bound to any one else's idea or concept. That is something that is also explained right up front.

If a person in AA is telling you it's the AA way or death...then it seems to me they are attempting to foist THEIR HP...AA, onto you, and that is not what the program teaches.

This is what I've found, when using any program, go by the program...not what people say about the program. Sure listen to their experience, but stick with the program, not their interpretation. People are imperfect, biased, etc etc.

12 step programs teach that we share experience, strength and hope, not a bludgeon. I am sorry that rather than share THEIR experience those people sought to dictate yours.