chickenbiscuit

Hello all,
I guess I came here today in hopes that I might listen to a stranger's advice. I tell myself that if I were busier, I wouldn't abuse substances. I am a binge drinker and sought treatment before, but everyone in my life said I didn't need it, so I didn't go. I turned to Evangelical Christianity, I told myself I would be a "good girl" and never drink or smoke pot again. Not sure how long that lasted.
I really enjoy smoking pot more than drinking, but they can go hand in hand. I'd try to stop smoking pot to get a job, and I'd drink instead. I quit smoking before I got married because I was tired of it- that feeling happens a lot, but here I am, still smoking! My husband didn't mind me smoking, but he did want me to be more active. When he broke up with me a few months ago, he said I've gone downhill since my father passed away a couple of years ago.
It has been a hard 3 years. My husband encouraged me to quit my job and figure out what I wanted to do (great idea for a pothead, right?). I knew it was a bad idea. Days after I left my job, the stock market crashed, my father's health rapidly declined, and I spent a lot of time in hospitals, mental wards (he had dementia). Obviously, it was very depressing.
So my husband and I separate and we're divorced within four months, but yet he already had a girlfriend for a month by the time we divorced. I finally realized his calm affect was due to him possibly being a sociopath and he really didn't feel anything for me. I also found out this is his M.O.- he admitted it's usually only a week or two before he has a new girlfriend. I knew the marriage was wrong, but I truly thought we'd stay friends because we loved each other. I've been heart broken all over again knowing he just easily moved on and I will never talk to him again.
I got a DUI a few weeks ago, my first, and it's really all hitting me now. I plead guilty to get it behind me and it was bad- I blew a .18 and had to get an interlock system in my car. I am grateful I can drive wherever I want, but my car insurance hasn't been re-evaluated. I'm afraid I won't be able to afford my insurance...while I do live within walking distance to the grocery store and I have friendly neighbors. But, the neighbors are a problem, too. They spend their weekends hanging out, drinking and smoking pot.
I feel trapped in my home in every sense, I don't really want to drive anywhere, I don't have many friends and I have none that are single.
I work for my family's small business and I need to make more money, but I don't know if people will hire me. I am missing my dad even more now, I'm ashamed all the time (even before the DUI), I feel so alone.
BUT, of course, I don't want to admit I have a problem and be totally sober because I want to be "normal". But my fear and stress are through the roof. I don't want to be labeled into AA.
Sorry this is long. Obviously there is a lot on my mind and not many people to listen. Can someone kick my butt?

suki44883

The only way to find out if people will hire you is to go out and apply for jobs. Nothing is going to just magically get better. Sorry you married a jerk, but it's time to get shed of him and move on. You are responsible for your own life, so you'll get out of it about as much as you're willing to put into it.

Figure out what you really want and then take steps to get it. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Make changes.

Terminally Unique

All that to get to this part? :-)

You are normal, you just happen to be addicted. If you quit boozing and drugging, you won't have any further problems from drinking or using, and you will be able to get started on fixing your life. It might take some work, but at least you will have a chance.

If you don't want to go to AA, then don't. The choice is not between drinking/using and AA, it is between drinking/using and quitting. Check out the secular connections forums here.

chickenbiscuit

Ugh, wish I could delete my post now. Thanks for the advertisements. Geez.

suki44883

What advertisements? No one here is advertising anything. Many people get sober without AA, so no one is advertising AA. There are several other options, one of which is AVRT. There is also Smart Recovery. What it boils down to is either you want to get sober or you don't. If you do, then be willing to do whatever it takes. If you don't, well then...

Dee74

Hi chicken biscuit
welcome

I was a pot smoker and drinker too - I knew I had a problem and I knew needed to make changes in my life but it was easy to ignore those nagging feelings once I had the first beer and bowl of the day....

I did nothing about anything and my addictions progressed, and got worse and worse.

To break out of the cycle we need to actively do something I think.

It needn't be AA but it needs to be something - some other kind of recovery group, counselling, even seeing your Dr might be a good first step.

I do believe that we need to be abstinent - I think, if you're a drinker and a doper like me, getting drunk or high just keeps us in the cycle....there's no going back to 'normal' use.

I hope you'll stick around - some posters might challenge you, but there is a lot of support and encouragement here

D

Terminally Unique

I wouldn't worry about it. I think you'll find something that suits you.

jimmydean

Maybe you are trying to commit to too much at one time?

I do this all the time and find myself scatterbrained. Pick one thing small that you want to work on, can be anything, pour yourself into it, you will get a huge boost when you accomplish it. In the mean time, read, pray, meditate and take your vitamins, things will come together, they just don't if you try to fix everything at once!!

Hang in there and welcome to the club!

CarolD

No one here is trying to deminish your situation.
There are many of us who are winning over addictions regardless of external circumstances....that can be true for you as well...

Drugging and drinking is simply unhealthy any way you cut it. I hope you will soon quit.

Welcome to our SR Alcoholism Forum...

TheEnd

It seems like you're too focused on the external surroundings, getting sober is an internal battle. Hope you make the right choice.

DayTrader

Chicken..... you've got a LOT on your plate right now. I know you know that.....but be sure you recognize that there can be side effects to all the pressure. I've been there. My marriage ended with my wife finally admitting to a several-year long affair. I was almost relieved to find out because I thought I was losing my mind prior to discovering the truth. At least the "news" showed me something really WAS up and that she was lying....

Anyway...... getting sober, trying to figure out your thoughts, dealing with the guilt and hurt feelings of divorce, uncertainty about the future, etc etc etc... that can be VERY powerful stuff. You don't have to BE and alcoholic or "admit" you're one to go to AA - you just have to have some sort of problem with booze and have some desire to stop. I promise you it's not all that bad. Hell, you might even like it - but you won't know till you try it out.

And whether it's AA, therapy, or some other sort of support group....... make damn sure you seek out some help. You've got some massive "issues" rolling through your head just like I did when I was thinking about getting sober (I had court issues as well, but that's beside the point). The deal is, I did nothing about it. I figured that, just like everything else in my past, "this too shall pass." Well......it passed alright.......it passed into oblivion as my drinking went through the frickin roof......not to mention my emotional state tanked to levels so low I'm half shocked I didn't blow my brains out (pretty much a good thing I'm really a coward at heard or I may have had the balls to go through with it).

There will be lots of support here.......but you would probably benefit from some recovery and some professional advice. None of us are trained professionals. We're just like you - ppl with issues and ppl with drinking problems / alcoholism. Use this group for what it is......but don't expect an online recovery site to deliver more than it's able to.

I don't mean to be pushy but I remember what it was like to be in your shoes and how devastating it was for me to handle things the way I felt best vs. listening to ppl who'd been in my shoes and advised me to seek out some "real" help. It's serious stuff........but recovery, a good solid program of recovery anyway, will teach you how to live sober and happily in spite of all that crap that's hitting you all at once.

sherman32

chickenbiscuit,

What is it that you want to do? I see a few points from your post:

1.) You want to be busier with your time

2.) Your husband left you, and moved on a little to quick for anyones tastes.

3.) You got a DUI, an interlocking device, and your neighbors party it up alot

4.) You are ashamed of the DUI

5.) You are concerned about getting a job

#1) Is there anything you have done in the past that you want to do again, like go to the gym, run, ski, etc? Exercise is always good for the mind and body.

#2) Sorry. That sucks and I've been there. Try not to feel sorry for yourself and bury yourself in alcohol. Your better off without him and don't let him take you down like this

#3) Make sure you comply with your court orders. The last thing you want to do is to get thrown into jail or end up caught up in the system and unable to get out.

#4) Everyone makes mistakes. Just make sure you learned from it (as in won't repeat) and move on. You can't move on unless you quit punishing yourself.

#5) Aren't you already employed? If you are looking for a new job, start applying for them. A great attitude and positive outlook on life always help when interviewing, so quit beating yourself up so much, and get busy!

You can be positive as easily as negative. It just seems once the brain starts thinking negative it keeps going in that direction. I'd try to start by focusing on the positives.

Beebizzy

I second everything everyone else has said. You have a lot going on right now, this is for sure. But look, if you continue to drink and use pot it will be all the harder to get yourself out of this maze. I would tackle that first and make it a priority (AA or whatever way you prefer - there are many recovery programmes and I have had success with none at all, except a large helping of SR). Because without sobriety you won't be able to tackle the rest (it's like putting the cart before the horse). And it doesn't get any better (can't speak for pot but certainly for alcohol).

Then my advice to you would be to break it all down into manageable bits - like sherman32 has done above. It's way too much to think about all these things at once.

Also - being 'busier' will not help with addiction - it will find a way to sneak itself in regardless of how much you are doing. For sure. And then ultimately you will be busy only with addiction. As others have said, this is an internal thing, an inside job, and I would set it apart from everything else and kick pot and alcohol to the kerb before you take on any of your other issues. You will then be in a) a much better frame of mind and b) a much better position to sort the other issues.

JMHO.

I hope it makes sense and wish you the best of luck,
BB

NYCDoglvr

I can only commit to not drinking TODAY and doing that has resulted in 7200+ days. If someone had told me I had to commit to being sober forever I would have raised a glass and kept drinking.

freshstart57

[kick] ChickenBiscuit, I thought you posted on SR to get your butt kicked. If that is true, you have come to the right place.

So, here it is: accept what happened to you, and acknowledge the reality of your situation as it is now. Make a plan to fix your situation, starting with a commitment to sobriety starting right now. To do anything else is to resign yourself to continue to circle the drain. The solution to your situation is dead simple. I agree that doing this will be challenging, but only as challenging as you decide to make it.

So, what is your plan for continued use of alcohol and weed? [/kick]

Please stay with us at SR. There is a lot of support and encouragement here too.