Hobochk

Ok so I am realizing that I am (was) just like other alcoholics, I think I can control every aspect of my life (and others lives). I know that thinking contributes to anxiety & depression, and alcohol exacerbates both. How do those things connect to alcohol? How does "letting go" and realizing we can't control it all help us not drink? Wondering, was I always like this, and did the alcohol just exacerbate the thinking? Or did alcohol do this to me?

What is the connection between our controlling thinking and alcohol?

Wow, sobriety really makes us THINK!

PaleMale

It's called 'getting out of the ultimate results business' or 'living life on life's terms.' In my experience, I was treating anxiety with alcohol. Which was really just covering it up, not actually addressing anxiety. I think I met and named these demons learning about the 2nd and 3rd steps with my sponsor.

Trying to control things and force results we imagine we desire and putting conditions upon, is very stressful, and can easily alienate our loved ones. Alienating those we love, causes more and new stress/anxiety. At this point, the addiction starts blaming others and drawing erroneous conclusions, often to protect itself. Ultimatums and self-pity keep us drinking, too.

"May as well learn to walk with Life, or Life will drag you, like it or not."

Hobochk

Great point. I think everything (drink, anxiety, self-pity, control issues etc) all feed off each other. I guess they do say alcohol is a symptom of our disease, but that just makes me think, is it? Can I really blame all my "defects" on alcohol? No I cannot. They're certainly easier to identify and work on while sober, but I don't think I can attribute all my life's problems to alcohol.

NYCDoglvr

First you put down the drink, join a group or program that helps you stay sober and build a good foundation. Then it's the 12 Steps and/or therapy. That's how change happens ... it's like building a house: one brick at a time.

Alcohol IS a depressant, it takes us into terrible psychological states, fear, anxiety and depression. It took a while to get here so it takes time and work to climb out of the black hole.

Threshold

I feel like my "need" for control, which stemmed from a infancy and childhood in and atmosphere that was out of control, and which I was told I was responsible for, came first.

I started in childhood to address my anxiety over not being able to "fix" my family and situation by escaping..fantasy, food, self mutilation, religiousity, etc. As I reached adulthood I added "grown up" stuff to the cocktail. Alcohol, drugs, sex, and risky and outrageous behavior.

more consequences, more deceit, more anxiety, more active addiction to address the above.

Took substances and addictive process out, all the anxiety and control issues are still here...ugh.

freshstart57

Do some googling on the topic of 'locus of control'. It gave me a plausible explanation for some of the reasons I react to things the way I do. It also indirectly pointed me to things I need to look at within myself. That then prompted me to look at REBT. I went on this journey because I was self-medicating to avoid dealing with anger, depression and anxiety.

Suggest that learning about this things might help you as much as they have helped me.

Boleo

I don't buy into the "Our best thinking got us here" cliché. It was delusional thinking that got me into trouble. Although I must admit, delusional thinking sure seems like "best thinking".

I now see where delusional thinking was neither smart or dumb. It was simply false superior thinking. It was not that I did not know what was good for me. I thought I knew all the tricks and shortcut's that would allow me surpass everyone else's thinking and come up with something more better. So I thought. The reality was I self-destructing and everyone else saw it before I did. It was not until I "let go" of my old ideas that new ones were able to replace them.

"The highest level of faith is trust in the absurd".
- Soren Kierkegaard