Does Sobriety = Happiness?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I wasn't happy right away......but that's due in good part to the fact that I was REALLY self-centered early on. I spent a lot of time focusing on what I didn't have. It took a little while before I started to accept some gratefulness into my life for the things I DID have.
Interestingly enough, my situation didn't necessarily get any better (no new money, no new relationship, work was still tough, etc etc......)but I started getting "happier" in spite of all that. ......It kinda leads me to believe that happiness may be more of a decision that we make internally than the result of external things putting us into that state.
I also had to learn, through experience, that a lot of the ppl talking about how happy and wonderful their lives are "may" just be saying what they thing other ppl want to hear rather than talking about what's reeeeeeally goin' on. - trying to toe the company line so to speak.
Interestingly enough, my situation didn't necessarily get any better (no new money, no new relationship, work was still tough, etc etc......)but I started getting "happier" in spite of all that. ......It kinda leads me to believe that happiness may be more of a decision that we make internally than the result of external things putting us into that state.
I also had to learn, through experience, that a lot of the ppl talking about how happy and wonderful their lives are "may" just be saying what they thing other ppl want to hear rather than talking about what's reeeeeeally goin' on. - trying to toe the company line so to speak.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Does Sobriety = Happiness?
I've noticed that every now and then people will post that they got sober but really aren't any happier than they were before. I know that it took me a few years to achieve what I would consider a reasonable state of happiness and peace of mind. I would think that it taking some time would be the norm but some claim to have a much quicker transformation. Any comments? Were you instantly transformed into a happy camper or did it take a while?
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Overseas... on the shore of an uncharted desert isle.
Posts: 254
Many on this board have pointed out that according to their definition 'no longer drinking alcohol' does not necessarily equal 'sobriety'. I believe the term they use to describe this situation is a 'dry drunk'.
It might be an AA term but whether you subscribe to AA or not it's still pretty easy to understand: it's someone who no longer drinks alcohol but still has all the behavior patterns and mentality of an alcoholic.
To me, the definition of sobriety is more than just not drinking alcohol; there is also a definite state of mind that comes with it. One may not necessarily be happy - but certainly not miserable. And, in that situation, it's hard to imagine how one would be worse off than when they were drinking.
It might be an AA term but whether you subscribe to AA or not it's still pretty easy to understand: it's someone who no longer drinks alcohol but still has all the behavior patterns and mentality of an alcoholic.
To me, the definition of sobriety is more than just not drinking alcohol; there is also a definite state of mind that comes with it. One may not necessarily be happy - but certainly not miserable. And, in that situation, it's hard to imagine how one would be worse off than when they were drinking.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
i don't know WTF happened but BackToSquare's post was the first on this thread......I replied and somehow ended up above??? Twice!!
not sure what's goin on with the board's server but maybe it's time for a reboot.
I feel ya TU... It's hard sometimes to remember that "the still sick and suffering" might be sitting across the table from me and have more "clean time" than I do. It's a good opportunity for me to pray for them though.
not sure what's goin on with the board's server but maybe it's time for a reboot.
I feel ya TU... It's hard sometimes to remember that "the still sick and suffering" might be sitting across the table from me and have more "clean time" than I do. It's a good opportunity for me to pray for them though.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by DayTrader 
I also had to learn, through experience, that a lot of the ppl talking about how happy and wonderful their lives are "may" just be saying what they thing other ppl want to hear rather than talking about what's reeeeeeally goin' on. - trying to toe the company line so to speak.
"I'm so happy, joyous, and free. My life is wonderful now. All the promises have come true, and I am blissfully serene. Yay me!"
Get to know them, though, and you may find that all they do is watch TV all day smoking cigarettes - in their parent's basement.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes....SR is still working out problems....so please try to be tolerant ...
:
Grateful we are still on line. ....happy we have the techies...joy filled in my recovery...
:Grateful we are still on line. ....happy we have the techies...joy filled in my recovery...
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by DayTrader
i don't know WTF happened but BackToSquare's post was the first on this thread......I replied and somehow ended up above??? Twice!!
not sure what's goin on with the board's server but maybe it's time for a reboot.
not sure what's goin on with the board's server but maybe it's time for a reboot.
sorry to hijack the thread for aminute. there was no magical happiness when i stopped drinking, but there is now a lot more sanity in my day and the ability to reason, organize and it's a relief.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
I am much happier now than I ever was drinking but it took me a year maybe 2 years after stopping drinking to realize that. On the surface my life hasn't changed much I still live in the same place, work at the same boring job, still have very few friends but inside the change is enormous! I like ME now and yes that make me happy.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I have been feeling content since day 10. I am relearning how to function on a daily basis. Getting things done, but slowly. I have spent time with tv & cigs, but I accomplish meetings, socializing, job hunting, daily chores. I am serene, yet when I work, there may be another story coming.
It took me 25 years and horrific consequences, so I'm building a solid aa foundation. I am not special, just another drunk rebuilding a life at 50 years old.
On my way to an interview at an unorganized preschool...some emergency last week, so they said to come back. Peace & Love to you all!
It took me 25 years and horrific consequences, so I'm building a solid aa foundation. I am not special, just another drunk rebuilding a life at 50 years old.
On my way to an interview at an unorganized preschool...some emergency last week, so they said to come back. Peace & Love to you all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 86
Definitely doesn't equal happiness to be honest. Life can suck, drunk or sober.
But putting the practices into place that AA and other things teach me leads me to contentment. I'm a selfish, whiny alcoholic for sure but I'm ever so slowly learning how to be happy and deal with life without booze.
I'm learning to be grateful for what I have in life, whereas I used to focus on what I didn't have, what I wasn't getting. So I'm learning to be happy.....it wasn't something I used to really know how to do so I just drank all the time.
But putting the practices into place that AA and other things teach me leads me to contentment. I'm a selfish, whiny alcoholic for sure but I'm ever so slowly learning how to be happy and deal with life without booze.
I'm learning to be grateful for what I have in life, whereas I used to focus on what I didn't have, what I wasn't getting. So I'm learning to be happy.....it wasn't something I used to really know how to do so I just drank all the time.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Ok, now the interview at the preschool is tomorrow. Denny's interview at 2 today. A bit frustrated, but working through it. Still content & learning I can't control the world. Now, what to wear to a Denny's interview?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: albuquerque nm
Posts: 17
Well, I know for sure I wasnt happy drinking. In fact I was miserable.
For me being sober has opened up doors that were totally unavailable when my only thought and goal was when I could have my next glass of wine. I can actually make plans and know work is going to be good because I wont feel sick. I wont have that overbearing feeling of shame.
I would have to say I am content. This is a whole different world for me. My depression is in check and I feel as if I'm living instead of exhisting. I keep my expectations of others low though. Not to say I dont expect a lot from myself but Ive learned to be easier on myself. This is something Im still working on.
Just changing my focus has been life altering for me. All that time drinking has been replaced with so many other activities. Whether it be reading a book, spending time with my kids or actually making friends. Isolating was my thing. I thought I liked to be alone and drinking. Looking back on my drinking self I see a pathetic person.
How could I not be happier??
Like I said, Im content right now and thats a new way of life for me. Sometimes its actually scarey because its not what I know. Its a learning experience for me and Im enjoying the process.
For me being sober has opened up doors that were totally unavailable when my only thought and goal was when I could have my next glass of wine. I can actually make plans and know work is going to be good because I wont feel sick. I wont have that overbearing feeling of shame.
I would have to say I am content. This is a whole different world for me. My depression is in check and I feel as if I'm living instead of exhisting. I keep my expectations of others low though. Not to say I dont expect a lot from myself but Ive learned to be easier on myself. This is something Im still working on.
Just changing my focus has been life altering for me. All that time drinking has been replaced with so many other activities. Whether it be reading a book, spending time with my kids or actually making friends. Isolating was my thing. I thought I liked to be alone and drinking. Looking back on my drinking self I see a pathetic person.
How could I not be happier??
Like I said, Im content right now and thats a new way of life for me. Sometimes its actually scarey because its not what I know. Its a learning experience for me and Im enjoying the process.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 186
I was sober for almost a year straight and it was probably the most miserable titme in my life. Not because of sobriety in it self, but I spended that year totally isolated, basicly not talking to anyone really. Add to that, the fact that I had so many intense emotions that I had previously numbed out with drinking. Now I wasn't able to numb them, but neither was I able to let them out in any other way, so it was a really weird period of my life. I had a lot of anger and sadness that I didn't know what to do with. A lot of self loathing and self doubt.
I guess that is what they call someone who is dry rather than sober? Because I was simply abstaining from drinking with willpower, and I didn't make any positive changes in my life. I personally think that being sober is just the starting point. You have to also want sobriety, appreciate it, be thankful for it and for life. Then you have to get out of your comfort zone I think.
When I first stopped drinking I was sure that sobriety would bring me piece of mind and happiness and bla bla bla... I was really dissapointed when I realized I was still me, and still had all the problems I had before. That's life I guess...
I guess that is what they call someone who is dry rather than sober? Because I was simply abstaining from drinking with willpower, and I didn't make any positive changes in my life. I personally think that being sober is just the starting point. You have to also want sobriety, appreciate it, be thankful for it and for life. Then you have to get out of your comfort zone I think.
When I first stopped drinking I was sure that sobriety would bring me piece of mind and happiness and bla bla bla... I was really dissapointed when I realized I was still me, and still had all the problems I had before. That's life I guess...
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I realized that what I really wanted was peace of mind and I got this (after a lot of work in AA and therapy). Happy like sadness is a temporary state we move through... it comes and goes. But peace of mind is the biggest gift in the universe, at least for this alcoholic.
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