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looking for some advice ............

Old 09-18-2011, 04:16 PM
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looking for some advice ............

I'm 29 and have been drinking for the last 12-13 years, long story short, it has been fun, but over the course of the decade it went from fun to a source of shame. While I don't use alcohol on a consistent basis, when I do it can get ugly like it did last night for instance. I'm sick of it and want to stop. It seems every party, social function, there's alcohol. The sight of me without a beer in my hand will come as a surprise to everyone.

How have you all done it? I'm not sure why I'm insecure about this. It's like I won't accept the reality that after a certain point, I have zero control of myself when I'm drunk. I can be the happy jokerster everyone wants to knock a few back with or I go to weird, dark place and am not myself at all.

I honestly believe that people will be extremely supportive of me stopping since I've had some issues, both legally and personally. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you all.
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:23 PM
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Have you considered finding a local AA group?
That is what I did when I wanted to learn to live without alcohol...

It's been a really interesting and supportive program I'm so glad I decided to attend.


Welcome to SR...
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:24 PM
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Have you tried to stop?
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:29 PM
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Hey JWC, you sound a lot like me...welcome . I'm 27, also a binge drinker...I would drink only occasionally (2-4 times per month), and for every 5 times I drank, 4 times I'd be able to control it. But, it got like playing Russian roulette with that ONE time I would get out of control. I could never predict it, but sometimes I would just get to "that point" where I would literally NOT be able to stop drinking until I blacked out. It wasn't fun.

You said, "it's like I won't accept the reality, that after a certain point, I have zero control over myself when I'm drunk." it actually sounds like you HAVE accepted that, and you're ready to change.

As far as social situations, just cut yourself some slack and don't worry too much about it until you feel more comfortable in your sobriety. It's pertfrctly acceptable to make up a lame excuse right now (antibiotics was my fav), or just tell your friends you had one too many hangovers and you're taking a break. It sounds like your friends are pretty cool and will support that. When your ready, you can open up more (to close friends) about how you don't intend to have alcohol in your life anymore. I was always worried that if I told everyone "HEY IM AN ALCOHOLIC AND IM QUITTING DRINKING!!!" it would make me more scared of failure than I already am!

So, hang in there and keep coming back here - you're in the right place.
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Mark75 View Post
Have you tried to stop?
I have stopped, knowing I would eventually start back up. Frankly, I have never really quit. I was going to quit back in April after a drunken night, but I looked at the calendar and knew there were weddings and other big events where I would drink.

I'm licked though, I have tried to manage and done fine for months, then it gets the best of me.
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by JWC1982 View Post
I'm sick of it and want to stop...

How have you all done it? I'm not sure why I'm insecure about this. It's like I won't accept the reality that after a certain point, I have zero control of myself when I'm drunk...
Originally Posted by JWC1982 View Post
I have stopped, knowing I would eventually start back up. Frankly, I have never really quit.
The single most important thing is to stop vacillating on the issue. To drink again or not to drink again; that is the question. Once you decide on that, everything else will be much easier. If you keep going back and forth, though, you'll be in for some more of the same, possibly with ever increasing penalties.

What is your plan?
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Old 09-18-2011, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Terminally Unique View Post
The single most important thing is to stop vacillating on the issue. To drink again or not to drink again; that is the question. Once you decide on that, everything else will be much easier. If you keep going back and forth, though, you'll be in for some more of the same, possibly with ever increasing penalties.

What is your plan?
I am just not going to drink. Next Saturday will be a huge test for me, I will be at a huge college football game and those are always huge parties.

As simple as your advice is, it's spot on. I will get in trouble again, there's really no other alternative but to stop.
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Old 09-18-2011, 05:47 PM
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For the football game, I would encourage you to have a 'game plan'.

All you have to tell your pals is 'I am not drinking today'. Then order a pop, or a coffee. I believe that in the early days of quitting, it is too much emotional work to have to do the whole song and dance about the damage of alcohol in your life, etc. Later for close friends, you can be more explicit if you care to.

If you think the game is going to be too hard a test so soon, consider giving your ticket to a friend. Sometimes caution helps a person to avoid shame and regret.

And I second the recommendation that you find some sort of program for support. AA meetings are far more helpful than you might think from the outside. Far more. But if you are reluctant to go to a meeting 'cold', try something else. Counseling, medical appointment, talk to a sober person you know; don't try to white-knuckle it all by yourself. Help is available!!

Best wishes for success in this and for a bright future!
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Old 09-18-2011, 07:00 PM
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I like football sober. I have even caught myself enjoying the tailgating sober... Go figure!!!

It takes practice and willingness. Maybe watch the game and go have some pie and coffee at a diner or something... Really. It may feel weird as hell at first, but after a few times, it starts to feel natural... Being sober I mean.

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Old 09-18-2011, 09:31 PM
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I suggest not drinking. If life is better, it was the alcohol.

If life gets worse, it's alcoholism. Try AA.
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Old 09-18-2011, 10:31 PM
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Originally Posted by JWC1982 View Post
How have you all done it?
Hi JWC1982,

Best of luck to you and thanks for your post!

I got referred to an addiction psychiatrist and did a medical detox. Seeing this guy was like a 'watershed' moment - I set a quit date, and felt accountable to him, it broke the pattern (former solo, every day drinker here).

As Terminally Unique says, I made a firm decision - no more alcohol. I have not had a hard time with quitting so far, and I love not drinking. 1 month for me.

I have not been 'tested' with any social occasions yet, in fairness, nor have I been back to work since I quit. This slightly worries me, but only slightly because I cannot fail if I do not drink and that is entirely up to me. That's how I look at it, in any case.

For the refusing drinks thing, I plan on simply saying 'no thanks'. I would not be impressed with anyone who insists, nor feel that I owe them an explanation, but if they do I will say 'I'm not drinking at the moment' and move on. I'll repeat the 'no thanks' as many times as necessary - or until I get fed up and then I will just ignore them LOL :-)

It might be an idea, indeed, not to go to the game until you feel more 'solid'...? You wouldn't want to make it harder on yourself. But - up to you.

Good luck to you!
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Old 09-19-2011, 06:50 AM
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You have to want to quit - cheesy saying for sure but it is a big part.

Find HELP. Whether it is AA, a counselor, therapy or rehab.

I tried to quit by myself for many years in my twenties. There was always a wedding, an event, a party, whatever - where it wasn't a "good time" to quit. That excuse will ALWAYS be there so don't use it!

Get help. It took me 2 OWIs before I was broken down enough to cry for help. Even then, it was not an easy road.
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Old 09-19-2011, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by JWC1982 View Post
It's like I won't accept the reality that after a certain point, I have zero control of myself when I'm drunk.
Your comment is something to think about. It relates to the fisrt step toward getting sober. You have to come to the realization that the point at which you no longer have control isn't when you are drunk, isn't after a certain point of drinking. Once you decide to take the 1st drink and actually take the 1st sip you will ALWAYS zip right past that imaginary point, go directly to drunk, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.

It's what we all do. Some people can sit all night, have a glass of wine and leave half of it unconsumed. Hell, I can't leave a few drops in the bottom of the bottle. Once I have that first sip I am a goner. Doesn't matter what it is - beer, wine, booze. I have come to accept that I cannot consume alcohol because I will always lose control and these days the physical consequences of that - severe hangover lasting days - simply isn't worth it.
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Old 09-19-2011, 07:59 AM
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Football Games are tough, here is what I did.

At first I told my friends that I was not going to drink for 2 weeks, after which I told them a month after which I told them six months, at a point they stopped asking. Once they get over the initial reaction (remember this is new to them also) they really won't care. After a while you will realize that no one really cares how much you drink or do not drink unless you act like an ass (either sober or drunk).

Football Games; I offer to drive, people are always thankful and it gives me another reason to not drink. Have a plan for the tail-gate, because you will realize that sober the reality of sitting in a parking lot for an hour an half without getting smashed is pretty boring. Bring a football and throw it around, play games, I smoke a cigar, just do something because it will be the toughest part of the day. Once you get through that it is all down hill. Do not bring much cash, beer is expensive at games if you don't have the cash you can't buy the beer. Watch the game, I have more fun now that I can pay attention and remember the games instead of being in the drink line or bathroom.

Do not be too hard on yourself, it will seem that everyone is paying attention to your drinking or lack thereof, they are not!! It just seems that way, give yourself a break and try to be calm and keep thing in perspective, you are there for the Game and to get home safe.

Good luck,
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