AA Birthday
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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AA Birthday
Today is my 30th day.
For some reason i thought it would be the most beautiful day...ever. huh? yeah. that was a fantasy. But actually....it came true in a very AA way.
Today has been one of the harder days so far. the man i love told me he is unhappy in the relationship, and i quickly found myself in my second meeting of the day, because if i didn't go, i would have gone deep into the -ism of alcoholism and engaged obsessive thoughts and behaviors. Instead i reached out for the hand of AA and found a meeting 5 blocks from my house. It also happened to be a chip meeting, and today is my 30 days bday. I had already been to a meeting this morning, but a chip!!!! i was kind of excited!
When i got to the afternoon meeting, a woman i know from another meeting was there. (and i really like her). I got my chip, and shared a bit. After the meeting, there was fellowship; the woman i know and like from another meeting asked me if i wanted to have lunch and sit in the park.
And so we did.
we even ended up reading from the big book.
My boyfriend and i concluded that we are going to take our relationship one day at a time - and of course i'm very sad. i want to say i'm "freaking out" (because i was for a while) but really, i'm just incredibly sad. I love him, and we have our own set of problems. This isn't the first time i've felt rejected by him. it's not the first time we've taken space, either. but everything about the entire situation is different. i mean, truly everything.
My reaction was different, my feelings about the situation are more evident to me, and the hand of AA - on my AA birthday - well, it was there.
Now I am following my sponsor's suggestion and spending the night with myself and my sadness (in a healthy way) hanging out here on SR, reading literature, and thinking deeply about Higher Power.
On day 30, HP to me is The force, like the Jedi Force, and after 30 days i am 100% confident that i am sober today because of my higher power, and all i really know is that i'm an alcoholic, that i have a disease of the mind-body connection exacerbated by my allergy to alcohol. for some reason, knowing only that is also peaceful.
thank you for being here SR!!!!!
7
For some reason i thought it would be the most beautiful day...ever. huh? yeah. that was a fantasy. But actually....it came true in a very AA way.
Today has been one of the harder days so far. the man i love told me he is unhappy in the relationship, and i quickly found myself in my second meeting of the day, because if i didn't go, i would have gone deep into the -ism of alcoholism and engaged obsessive thoughts and behaviors. Instead i reached out for the hand of AA and found a meeting 5 blocks from my house. It also happened to be a chip meeting, and today is my 30 days bday. I had already been to a meeting this morning, but a chip!!!! i was kind of excited!
When i got to the afternoon meeting, a woman i know from another meeting was there. (and i really like her). I got my chip, and shared a bit. After the meeting, there was fellowship; the woman i know and like from another meeting asked me if i wanted to have lunch and sit in the park.
And so we did.
we even ended up reading from the big book.
My boyfriend and i concluded that we are going to take our relationship one day at a time - and of course i'm very sad. i want to say i'm "freaking out" (because i was for a while) but really, i'm just incredibly sad. I love him, and we have our own set of problems. This isn't the first time i've felt rejected by him. it's not the first time we've taken space, either. but everything about the entire situation is different. i mean, truly everything.
My reaction was different, my feelings about the situation are more evident to me, and the hand of AA - on my AA birthday - well, it was there.
Now I am following my sponsor's suggestion and spending the night with myself and my sadness (in a healthy way) hanging out here on SR, reading literature, and thinking deeply about Higher Power.
On day 30, HP to me is The force, like the Jedi Force, and after 30 days i am 100% confident that i am sober today because of my higher power, and all i really know is that i'm an alcoholic, that i have a disease of the mind-body connection exacerbated by my allergy to alcohol. for some reason, knowing only that is also peaceful.
thank you for being here SR!!!!!
7
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Posts: 289
having a hard time right now - it's midnight, and i'm awake feeling sad and lonely so i'm posting here. I really thought my partner was supportive of me, but now i just don't know, and i wonder why he's unhappy (he doesn't communicate it)
so here i am, stuck in my head, alone.
still sober, though. but lots of pain.
and a bit of resentment - why can't this man put himself in therapy and get the help he needs? why doesn't he want to do that? why isn't my new recovery pretty to him?
ugh those questions are stuck in my head.
I realize the best i can do is pray and take care of myself. I am just so sad, feeling rejected.
i'm glad i threw all the booze out 30 days ago, but i wish i hadn't told him about my recovery, i feel like i told him too much about it.
i didn't talk about it all the time but i did say that it's a spiritual program, and on nights when i was psyched not to drink, i would tell him. Now i really regret doing that at all.
I feel like i'm not lovable to any man because i can't drink, and who wants a chick who won't drink fancy wine?
so here i am, stuck in my head, alone.
still sober, though. but lots of pain.
and a bit of resentment - why can't this man put himself in therapy and get the help he needs? why doesn't he want to do that? why isn't my new recovery pretty to him?
ugh those questions are stuck in my head.
I realize the best i can do is pray and take care of myself. I am just so sad, feeling rejected.
i'm glad i threw all the booze out 30 days ago, but i wish i hadn't told him about my recovery, i feel like i told him too much about it.
i didn't talk about it all the time but i did say that it's a spiritual program, and on nights when i was psyched not to drink, i would tell him. Now i really regret doing that at all.
I feel like i'm not lovable to any man because i can't drink, and who wants a chick who won't drink fancy wine?
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Posts: 289
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
Happy 31 days! You're a miracle!
thank you.
i am reading your note, sitting here bawling. That's how much it meant to me, and i needed to read it. thank you.
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thanks CarolID - i'm having a very hard time this morning. It doesn't feel like progress this morning. I feel like i've relapsed without relapsing.
going to a meeting in 2 1/2 hours.
i am having a hard time recognizing progress.
going to a meeting in 2 1/2 hours.
i am having a hard time recognizing progress.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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Posts: 289
happy day 35 to me!
i looked back on this and got a lot of out of it. boy, i was really having a hard time that night.
the obsession has passed, that was a hard night. I realize there will be more - i am so so grateful for SR and for this new outlook. after 35 days of practice, i am feeling different and i really like it!!!!!!!
kbye
i looked back on this and got a lot of out of it. boy, i was really having a hard time that night.
the obsession has passed, that was a hard night. I realize there will be more - i am so so grateful for SR and for this new outlook. after 35 days of practice, i am feeling different and i really like it!!!!!!!
kbye
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 456
Well, OS. The good news is you seem be feeling the way many of us did at 30 days. The bad new is- you seem to be feeling the way many of us did at 30 days.
Congratulations on this major accomplishment. I can promise you that the next 30 are going to mystical and difficult at the same time. Take it a moment at a time and always remember "this too shall pass."
You have my deepest empathy right now but I promise you that it does get better - and it will happen quickly and most likely when you're not paying attention. Natural smiles and enjoyment will come on with a vengeance.
When I was 30 days sober someone posted the hardest times in sobriety were the first 30 days and second 30 days. I was both relieved and stressed by that. At least you're normal!
-Peace and serenity
Congratulations on this major accomplishment. I can promise you that the next 30 are going to mystical and difficult at the same time. Take it a moment at a time and always remember "this too shall pass."
You have my deepest empathy right now but I promise you that it does get better - and it will happen quickly and most likely when you're not paying attention. Natural smiles and enjoyment will come on with a vengeance.
When I was 30 days sober someone posted the hardest times in sobriety were the first 30 days and second 30 days. I was both relieved and stressed by that. At least you're normal!
-Peace and serenity
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