TigerLili

I've been drinking again on and off for the last few months and now it's back to where I was before I stopped before. Tonight and tomorrow night I'll be staying with friends and as I don't drink in front of people (long term closet drinker lol), I know I'll be okay.

I don't know if I'll be able to regain my abstinence. I haven't been regularly to AA meetings for at least a year because I just don't enjoy them and often feel worse when I leave than when I arrived! I'm in touch fairly regularly with several AA people who have long term sobriety and I finally told them I replapsed and we have plans to meet up. I know they'll tell me to go back to meetings but they just make me want to bang my head on the table.

The hardest part for me is in the evenings. I don't want to drink in the morning when I'm feeling crappy from drinking the night before, but by the afternoon I'm feeling better and ready to drink again. Maybe it would help if I started a daily check in thread for myself and in the evenings when I'm feeling like I want to drink I can post there to affirm my commitment to abstinence.

What do you think I should do?

doggonecarl

Something, anything, because your present plan isn't working. You don't like AA. There are other recovery programs. Try one. I'd say just don't drink, no matter what, but willpower on its own and resisting the temptation to drink doesn't seem like it is working for you either.

Are you sure you are committed to not drinking? Wanting it, and doing anything to get there is key to recovery.

Good

TigerLili

I guess truthfully my commitment to not drinking is that I'll do whatever it takes, as long as it's convenient. Sigh. I don't want to drink. I want to find the place I was before where I lost the compulsion and craving and the thought of drinking alcohol was truly repugnant. I would say that kicked in at about the six month mark, but I was doing a lot of meetings at the time.

I am heading out the door now to go to a meeting cos I have no idea what else to do.

MTUSA

Hi Tiger,

I don't believe anyone addicted to alcohol or drugs, is selfish. I do believe it is a horrible physical and mental addiction. I watched my mom destroy herself from my earliest memories with alcohol.

I can't know what it's like for you. I just want you to know, that I hope you do meet up with your AA friends. They must know where you are with your addiction an struggle.

I hope you will somehow find a reason to stop using alcohol. Something that is stronger than your physical and emotional need for alcohol. (Does that make sense? )

Looking back (mother was an alcoholic), I wish I would have had the knowledge to be able to sit down with her (as an adult) and just talk with her, regarding her struggle. Kindly offer support. Give her a hug, the hug...she couldn't give me. And mean ever bit of it.

It's too late for me to do that as she passed away 13 years ago. I hope that if there is a family member or loved one who has tried to help you, please know that we don't know the right things to do or say (even if we're in Alanon..).

The years have changed me, for the better. I wish I had the compassion then, that I do now, as a result of my sons addiction to drugs.

I am thinking of you and hope if there is anyone.. who was or is trying to reach out to help you, please know they may not be saying or doing the right things. If their message as a whole is....I love you...I care about you... then really believe it.

Those of us who love others struggling, do NOT know what to do. We threaten, we beg, we get angry, we shout, we do most everything we should not. But we do it hoping that something will make the user know how important they are.

When those struggling go down, they take the one's who love them with them. Avoiding us, doesn't make that go away. If you love someone, you love them... Please have compassion for those who are trying to help. Understand we don't know what to do or say. I posted a thread about my son... I have prayed that I don't wake up in the morning, as it is so difficult to watch him slowly kill himself with oxy/heroin.

Just a mom...but I bet someone out there knows and loves you. Don't forget that, and please don't be mad or let down if they don't say or do the right things. Heck...us co dependents will try anything to "straighten" you addicts/alcoholics up!

Please seek out those you love and whom love you...

Deb

TigerLili

The meeting has either moved or closed down. Blergh.

Thanks for your kind words, MTUSA. No one outside of AA is aware I have a drinking problem. I was always very secretive about my drinking. My boyfriend is also an alcoholic and struggling to get and stay sober AGAIN as well.

m0re0ver

In case this isn't blindingly obvious, is there something else you could do in the evenings like take a night course or pick up a part-time job? Or as an alternative to AA, have you tried SMART recovery? They have online meetings, and also live meetings in some parts of Australia:

www -dot- smartrecovery -dot- org/meetings_db/view/show_countryau -dot- php

cheers

LaFemme

Nights were my hurdle too. When I got sober I spent my evenings here. Then I started doing thighs with my evenings....slowly but surely. Now the emptiness of the evening is no longer an impossible hurdle for me.

You say you want to quit as long as it is convenient to you. I promise you the most convenient thing you will ever do is quit. I found the book the Easy WY to Quit drinking by Carr to be very convenient

Sending you positive thoughts.

TigerLili

LOL La Femme! I know you're right! I will look for that book, thanks.

TigerLili

mOreOver - actually they aren't options right now. I have a chronic health problem and getting through 9-5 and the long commute each way pretty much wipes me out for the evening. If I was well, I'd definitely be looking for an evening job and if I had any money, I'd be taking university courses in the evening.

I have a major operation coming up in November which will change my life for good and bad and I really want to be sober and healthy for it. I will be off work for several months to recover afterwards.

TigerLili

I haven't tried SMART. My first attempt was via Rational Recovery and it helped, but the online forums were pretty discouraging. I started going to AA after hearing about it here and that certainly helped fill in the evenings. I was going to 2, sometimes 3 meetings a day for the first 6 months.

LaFemme

Sobriety will certainly help in recuperation...and you don't want to go under anesthesia with a drinking problem in full rage.

Get the book...it really helped me. 14 months after never making it 5 days...the book was a big part of that

TigerLili

I know that the reason drinking is attractive is because that first couple wipes out the stress I live with every day - my work has been laying people off all year and it's like living with an axe over my head, huge debt to pay off, chronic health problm, caring for elderly parents who need to be in assisted living but won't do it.

I know other people manage much worse without drinking themselves into oblivion every day. I want to be one of those people! (Maybe not so much with the 'much worse' though eek.)

Beebizzy

^ This. Ditto for me.

TigerLili, I'm so sorry to read about your situation - very good luck with the op and I hope it all goes well for you.

I like your idea of a daily thread - I'll definitely chime in there to cheer you on!

Thinking of you,
BB

m0re0ver

"getting through 9-5 and the long commute each way"

Interesting. After about twenty years of being a fairly severe weekend binger, it was a long commute on top of a job I disliked that flipped me into being a daily drinker. That lasted about seven years until my health collapsed. Then I white-knuckled it, albeit with the wife watching me like a hawk. Somehow sober patterns of living re-established themselves, and when I do relapse now (for a few days at most), it's a quick job to get back on track afterwards. Mind you, I'm currently unemployed...

LaFemme

I hear you...changing how I handeled stress has been so key for me. And establishing boundaries is also important, especially with parents who aren't well.

TigerLili

mOreOver - I was a weekend binger to begin with, then my social life began to revolve around meeting friends or dates for drinks after work, which devolved into me drinking at home because it got too expensive to drink in bars, plus I'd always drink too much and end up embarassing myself or having an accident (fallen off balconies and through windows, fallen into traffic etc).

I definitely drink to medicate a general unhappiness with my life, but most of that unhappiness has drinking as a root cause. I have tons of debt due to poor financial decisions I made while drinking, for example. Everything is better when I don't drink and I really want to get back to that place. It seems so far off though.

ReadyAndAble

Of course you can, TigerLili. You really can. I understand how health and responsibilities could keep you at home in the evenings. But if you have time to drink, then I'm guessing you have time to read the book LaFemme suggested (I never read it, but his "quit smoking" book was a revelation to me). You also have time to hop onto SR, to go for a walk—to do whatever it takes to deal with the stress in a healthy way. If you're anything like me, alcohol is probably adding to your overall stress level. It's a cause, not a cure.

I'm glad you came back to SR. Whatever you decide, I hope you stick around.

TigerLili

Thanks beebizzy.

I'll make a thread and anyone can chime in to either affirm their sobriety for the day or to cheer us on.

ReadyAndAble

Totally true for me.

The good news is that it means that when we stop drinking, we prevent countless future problems. Changing that one thing changed my whole outlook on life.

TigerLili

Aww thanks ReadyandAble. Your kind words put a tear in my eye.