No Choice I Had To Relapse.....
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Originally Posted by Beanfrost 
How could anyone f things up any worse than you ?
" I've been in and out of treatment programs most of my adult life" is alcoholic speak for I never listen to anyone and I have a whole sack full of reasons why I can't do anything you suggest.
The reason you can't stay sober is you.
" I've been in and out of treatment programs most of my adult life" is alcoholic speak for I never listen to anyone and I have a whole sack full of reasons why I can't do anything you suggest.
The reason you can't stay sober is you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by Justfor1
I have never received the right help for my mental illness. I was misdiagnosed for years. I had 9 months of quality sobriety so I am able to achieve something. U right I doubt anyone could f things up as bad as me. I have had a number of good jobs in the past but always seemed to get fired because I started showing up intoxicated. I have been to treatment so many times I feel as if I could run the groups myself. I am not allowed at many of the recovery homes around here because I owe them money.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
In the immortal words of Monty Python "And now for something completely different..."
I work in a grocery store. Yesterday I passed the liquor section and my eye fell on something I used to like in my crazier days. Yesterday morning I had woken up to some disturbing news, the sort that makes me think "why do I bother, what's the difference, Life is just as it always was"
YES, life is what it always was, and life will be that, but the thing is I am not what I always was. I am learning a new way of living and dealing with life, so even when the same old bugaboos come knocking on my door, I am equipped to deal with them in a way in which I never was. So, my experience of life...is completely different.
I knew, if I bought that bottle, exactly what my experience would be, and I knew that I would not like it, so I tried something different. I don't always like the results of my first or second try, because I am in a learning process, and I can try a new something different tomorrow if I choose to.
I have choices now. Yesterday I chose not to relapse. Today I choose, right from the get go, to live today sober.
I work in a grocery store. Yesterday I passed the liquor section and my eye fell on something I used to like in my crazier days. Yesterday morning I had woken up to some disturbing news, the sort that makes me think "why do I bother, what's the difference, Life is just as it always was"
YES, life is what it always was, and life will be that, but the thing is I am not what I always was. I am learning a new way of living and dealing with life, so even when the same old bugaboos come knocking on my door, I am equipped to deal with them in a way in which I never was. So, my experience of life...is completely different.
I knew, if I bought that bottle, exactly what my experience would be, and I knew that I would not like it, so I tried something different. I don't always like the results of my first or second try, because I am in a learning process, and I can try a new something different tomorrow if I choose to.
I have choices now. Yesterday I chose not to relapse. Today I choose, right from the get go, to live today sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Justfor1
I have never received the right help for my mental illness. I was misdiagnosed for years. I had 9 months of quality sobriety so I am able to achieve something. U right I doubt anyone could f things up as bad as me. I have had a number of good jobs in the past but always seemed to get fired because I started showing up intoxicated. I have been to treatment so many times I feel as if I could run the groups myself. I am not allowed at many of the recovery homes around here because I owe them money.
The big problem was giving up my will and control, and I hear the same coming from you.
I feel for ya man, but I won't coddle you or co-sign any ********, so I might sound a bit harsh at times.
We like to be in control and we come up with these plans including the delusional idea that we know the outcome.
We have to surrender and admit we can't know the outcome.
My last trip to detox I finally surrendered and followed through. Here's how it went, I made the usual detox form of surrender, "God, I don't know what to do so please help me" well the next day the detox center told me they had found a place for me, 300 miles away in a little town where I knew no one.
My first thought was all the reasons I couldn't do that, and that's when it hit me, what good was that detox plea if I wouldn't follow through?
So I went, without knowing what would happen and guess what? I got sober, over 8 years now, I am still following through, and I still don't know what's going to happen.
The point being, think about what it means to surrender and follow through, surrender stops when we stop following through.
Quit planning and start doing the next right thing, You knew you should go to a meeting.
Dammit, have some faith man
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by Beanfrost
Your story sounds a lot like mine J41, I struggled for years and burned a lot of bridges.
The big problem was giving up my will and control, and I hear the same coming from you.
I feel for ya man, but I won't coddle you or co-sign any ********, so I might sound a bit harsh at times.
We like to be in control and we come up with these plans including the delusional idea that we know the outcome.
We have to surrender and admit we can't know the outcome.
My last trip to detox I finally surrendered and followed through. Here's how it went, I made the usual detox form of surrender, "God, I don't know what to do so please help me" well the next day the detox center told me they had found a place for me, 300 miles away in a little town where I knew no one.
My first thought was all the reasons I couldn't do that, and that's when it hit me, what good was that detox plea if I wouldn't follow through?
So I went, without knowing what would happen and guess what? I got sober, over 8 years now, I am still following through, and I still don't know what's going to happen.
The point being, think about what it means to surrender and follow through, surrender stops when we stop following through.
Quit planning and start doing the next right thing, You knew you should go to a meeting.
Dammit, have some faith man
The big problem was giving up my will and control, and I hear the same coming from you.
I feel for ya man, but I won't coddle you or co-sign any ********, so I might sound a bit harsh at times.
We like to be in control and we come up with these plans including the delusional idea that we know the outcome.
We have to surrender and admit we can't know the outcome.
My last trip to detox I finally surrendered and followed through. Here's how it went, I made the usual detox form of surrender, "God, I don't know what to do so please help me" well the next day the detox center told me they had found a place for me, 300 miles away in a little town where I knew no one.
My first thought was all the reasons I couldn't do that, and that's when it hit me, what good was that detox plea if I wouldn't follow through?
So I went, without knowing what would happen and guess what? I got sober, over 8 years now, I am still following through, and I still don't know what's going to happen.
The point being, think about what it means to surrender and follow through, surrender stops when we stop following through.
Quit planning and start doing the next right thing, You knew you should go to a meeting.
Dammit, have some faith man
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Martinsville, Ohio
Posts: 79
After five months of new found sobriety with treatment, AA and a good sponsor I think my emotions was just my middle brain crying for more drug, in my case alcohol. I hear you crying out for help and I pray that you find it or yes, it will kill you. Do you want sobriety more than anything else in the world? When I could finally admit that, I got the help that made those emotions go away. It's hard, it isn't easy but now I can say...
IT'S WONDERFUL!
IT'S WONDERFUL!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I hope you find what works for you.
I'm living proof that long-term sobriety is possible.
I've been through more painful stuff sober than I ever went through drunk, and I made it to the other side a better person.
I've hurt so bad I felt my guts were being ripped out, and I reached out to others in recovery. Thank God that I did.
Relapse is a choice, not a "have to."
I'm living proof that long-term sobriety is possible.
I've been through more painful stuff sober than I ever went through drunk, and I made it to the other side a better person.
I've hurt so bad I felt my guts were being ripped out, and I reached out to others in recovery. Thank God that I did.
Relapse is a choice, not a "have to."
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