Giving up any idea that we were like other people
 

So I was driving down the road today, one of those back country roads. It was beautiful outside, and as such there were many people outside. Some were doing yard work, some playing tennis, some just enjoying the weather.

It crossed my mind how different I felt than these people. I felt like on a day like this, I'd have an uncontrollable urge to drink (were I not trying to stay sober in AA). How could I just spend the day off doing mundane normal things, like cleaning up the yard? How could I do it without Alcohol? Would I always be fighting this urge to drink? Would I ever be able to just go about my day like every other person?

I guess I'm just looking for some advice/hope on how to just enjoy everyday things. I've heard it gets better with more time sober, but right now I'm just feeling lost and confused.

Thanks all.

Jon

Well it dmn sure won't get any better if you drink! I've actually come to enjoy those things. I like the progress I've seen. My house doesn't smell like ****, cigarette smoke, and stale beer anymore. I don't waste time drunk or sick.
You're not being like everyone else you are being responsible.

By living the Steps I do all sorts of things sober and enjoy them.
:yup:
If you have not...please do begin working our AA steps.

Get out the BB.....and read The Promises ..page 83/84.
They can happen for you too...:hug:

Check out "A Vision For You" as well.

Just takes some getting used to. As they say,"time takes time".

Hang in there with AA.

Beyond not drinking, AA has taught me patience (sitting still in a meeting for one hour), tolerance (listening to folks with whom I may not agree), empathy (I still wouldn't wish the pain of active alcoholism on anyone), public speaking (soooo not my bag, but sharing in meetings has made speaking in public now not such a big deal), how to get out of my comfort zone and stay there so I can grow more than I would be doing if I was still drinking. AA has helped me so much.

Plus I am not drunk anymore. What a bonus.

Hang in there!

Much love.

Hi Runner,

I remember those feelings as well - in fact I still have them (mainly because I've only been off the sauce for 3 weeks LOL).

When I go outside here in nice weather (or even bad weather) I see people jogging, having lunch outside with family and friends etc. It looks so 'wholesome' and normal and I always think 'when will that be me?'.

Also I realised that a lot of other people are not spending their Saturdays recovering from Friday, or 'waiting' until 6 when they can start drinking, like I was. They were taking care of 'mundane' things and getting their R&R in a healthy way with other people or even alone, but without drinking. Revelation. (It seriously was, I'm afraid, not kidding).

Now I find myself walking in the park. I've caught myself cleaning a VERY small bit around my apartment. I go to the shops. I'm meeting a friend for dinner tomorrow evening (having seen no-one in about a month except doctors). Little things, you know? But to me they are huge - they would not have happened before.

I like to think that I will build on these things as time goes by. I think you are right when you say it is a question of time, and confidence without alcohol. The more things you do without it, the more practiced and brave you become. It can be done, for sure.

Good luck to you,
BB

Hi, Runner.

I was out working in my yard today. It was terrific weather here too. I wonder if anyone drove by and thought, "I'm so different than that guy." ;) I remember being unable to imagine enjoying routine stuff without alcohol as a reward. It really does get better. :)

You raise an interesting point there, R&A! :-)

It never once occurred to me that as I walk in the park, someone just like the old Beebizzy might be looking at me thinking 'gosh how wholesome and normal that girl looks, briskly stomping along. I wish I could quit and be like her'.

My goodness what a thought :-)

The Tenth Step Promises would be a good read as well.

Abstinence is not-drinking and feeling bad about it.

Recovery is not-drinking and feeling good about.

Abstinence is the result of time.

Recovery is the result of action.

Hey Jon
I am only day 120 so I am not much of an authority. You are you and you cannot be anyone else. You are noticing things. You are noticing people doing things. You are comparing what you imagine their life to be, with your own storey about your life.

Noticing and storey telling can be made to be separate activities of your mind.

I have found "just noticing what I am noticing" (and not telling myself a story about it) is a very interesting game to play, and it can be fun to lose yourself in it. It seems to be leading to a new way of relating to things for me.

Wishing you peace, and a clean yard

That's a great question Jon and I wish I'd asked it myself years ago because I think it was underlying my reluctance to quit.

I remember gardening the year before last. I weeded for hours and I really enjoyed it. I had never done it before. I remember even thinking that I was sober and how nice it was to be outside, sober instead of inside drinking the day away as I used to. It was during a period where I was trying to drink less.

I got done with the weeding and decided we should celebrate with some beer (liquor stores closed on sundays.. so no wine available where I am). Went and bought a case and drink 9 of them.

/end productive weeding day. Next day shot with a hangover.

Now I've been sober for a year. Yesterday I weeded again (first time in 2 years :lala). Uncovered multiple ant hills. Came inside and googled solution (google says transfer ants from one hill to another to start territorial ants 'ant war' :run). Gave up. Went for lunch, played with my kids, made dinner, watched TV, ate too much cake, went to bed early.

I didn't want to drink. I definitely thought about the fact that I was sober because my husband had 3 beers over the course of the afternoon and evening and I marveled at his restraint. But it was just a normal day.

I never thought I would feel like that. I have always felt that normal life was lame. That there was not one situation that couldn't be improved by adding alcohol. WHY would anyone want to 'just' weed. Wouldn't it be better to add a beer or 6? Occasionally my book club would suggest meeting at starbucks instead of a restaurant/bar. STARBUCKS?! :react. I really just saw no reason not to drink. If only I could get my pesky over-indulgence under control....

I agree with what was written above. Time takes time. And sober living takes practice and care in building a life you can't bear to lose. Enjoying the freedom of never worrying/obsessing about alcohol. Never feeling hungover or out of control.

But at the heart of it it took accepting in my very core "I am an alcoholic. The fact that I think everything is better if I add alcohol is a symptom of my disease. I am not thinking or living normally".

And then just giving real life a go. A REAL go so that when I had a bad day I didn't think "See? real life is crap! I would be happier if I had a bottle of wine!". Of if I did think that I'd remind myself that that was alcoholic thinking and I still had work to do.

I would say DO everyday things. many, varied things. And the enjoyment will follow as long as you don't sabotage yourself.

I do not believe that alcoholics are truly different from other people, except in the sense of not being able to safely drink alcohol.

When I was drinking, my addiction stole my humanity. I have it back now, and enjoy life no differently than anyone else.

It is a good deal. Keep on doing what you are doing if it is working for you.

It will happen... seriously. In some ways the change will be imperceptible, but then you'll look back, and ... there you will be, doing an everyday thing, sober, a drink not on your mind, having a perfectly fine and enjoyable day...

Hang in there...

Have you thought about grief as part of your recovery?

Yesterday I painted my side door & front door. It cost me $20 for paint and a brush. 37 days ago I would have just drank that money and time away. At least now I have something to show for the money I spent. Try to do productive things that yield results, and you might feel better about not drinking. I'm only 37 days in and it helps me.

PS I also scoff at those "normal" people. But maybe I am becoming one (eek).

Thanks everyone for your responses. I'm on day two now. I did some grocery shopping and probably am gonna clean up this room a bit, before going to a meeting later. These were all very helpful and I think I'll go over these promises :)

Runner, I had the exact feelings when I floated in my pool this weekend. It felt so uncomfortable to not have a drink in hand and a buz on. I floated and floated and just waited, waited and waited to feel like it was okay. That feeling never came. :( I will say this though, there are things I felt exactly the same about but those things have become okay not drinking. But the pool thing, not so much. I understand, I'm on step 3 and I've been on it for two months! LOL We will get there. Hang in there, remember you are NOT ALONE!

I promise, it gets much better but not quickly (at least that's my experience). First there's the process of becoming comfortable in your own skin, with life as a sober person. And that involves changing ourselves. In the first year doing anything for the first time sober was stressful but you do get used to it. While I drank daily for ten years my non-alcoholic brother was growing as a person as he navigated life's challenges. I had to make up for that time.

But today even when life s*ucks it's a thousand times better than it was while I drank. Before I got sober I'd look out the window and see people strolling around, enjoying a nice day, and wonder how they did it. Today I'm one of those people. But as you stay sober you grow in self-esteem and it doesn't take too long to find yourself ok in situations (Thanksgiving! Christmas!) you couldn't handle before.

It helps to compare yourself with yourself instead of yourself vs others. And it's the only true measure of growth and change.

I remember thinking the same thing in the early days of sobriety! how could I.....fill in the blank..without alcohol....but it's amazing when you reach that stage where it all just falls into place...and having a drink in hand..(or near by) just doesn't fit anymore....you will find that place it you maintain your course...it really is possible...I'm living proof...and this comes from a 20 plus year drinker...who is almost 20 months sober!!! :)) all the very best on your journey....

AA is teaching me how to humbly be useful to others both in and out of AA. Along with learning how to live comfortably in my own skin. I like sobriety. I also remember my past, it's made me who I am today.

I have to walk by liquor stores and beer & wine stores (I feel like I've paid their rent) and today, I get no bodily reaction. "Sometimes quickly..." the Promises do come true!

yes me too...as if i need to have a buzz to participate...it's all a mind set and i'm quite jealous of those who do it sober...been to too many parties that are all in a good setting yet the booze keeps flying....ha ha..everyone is acting like an *******...i just fit right in.
i am very shy, drinking makes me part of the game....i am VERY shy until i have a few..then i seem to fit right in ............geeeeeez!