Toddtoday

Never thought I'd be sober. Never thought I needed to be..but I'm damn glad that I chose to quit. Today is day 356, almost a year.

For me quitting means being alone very soon. my partner and I are both alcoholics. I used to say that he was the worse one -- he drank way more than me, binges more, ends up in more trouble. But I don't see it that way anymore. We both have big problems We both need to quit. We both said we would. Over and over again.

And I quit. And I'm alone.

I know that I shouldn't talk about his drinking problem. So I won't. My problem now is that I need to leave after years and years of joint recklessness, injury, fighting, illness, legal problems, loss. And now after nearly a year of sobriety, I continue to want to stay, to be there to protect someone. But I can't stay. I can't live like this. Trying to be sober but trying to survive with someone who is not.

It feels that for me to successfully recover, I need to move out and be alone, throw away years of both good and bad.

Our lease ends soon, and we are going our separate ways. I feel guilt and fear for not just myself. I don't feel good about it.

But I'll try to stay sober. And alone.

SASA

you made it almost 1 year. Congratulations. Life is change and sometimes we do not see the good things right away. Hang in there.

CarolD

Welcome to sR....

Yes..Icanunderstand how spliting up would be difficult but often relationships become toxic for various reasons

I did part from my still drinking lover of 5 years ..tho he supported my AA recovery...we no longer shared the same lifestyles or goals.

i HAVE MANY SOBER FRIENDS...i AM ONLY ALONE WHEN i CHOOSE TO BE...AND i DO PERFER BEING IN MY OWN APARTMENT...

wELL L DONE ON YOUR SOBER TIME....
pLEASE E DO KEEP POSTING WIT


.

Beebizzy

^ Ditto (not the 356 days though - well done!!!!).

Welcome to SR!

I can relate to a lot in your post, although I am not as far down the line as you are with the decision-making part.

My bf and I both recently quit too. Well, I should qualify that to say that he got 3 weeks and then drank 'socially' at a work trip - I'm still waiting to see if that leads back to daily binges (like you - he was the binger, and got into trouble - never me).

If he continues to drink only a few socially then I am OK with that. If it goes back to the way it was - not so OK with it. Decision time, then.

Toddtoday, I admire you for making this decision - it is brave. I fully understand the guilt and fear - I would feel exactly the same. But if staying is going to harm you I see two things happening: 1) you start drinking again, or 2) you stay sober but are miserable. Either way you are doing no good to yourself, and therefore no good to your partner.

And don't forget that 'alone' does not have to equal 'lonely'.

His recovery is up to him. Yours is up to you. Do everything to nurture it, for yourself and others.

Good luck!
BB

Boleo

When I got sober, I thought "what am I going to do with all this extra free time?"

BORING was my first answer. LONELY was my second. Thankfully I learned how to meditate. I found it to be essential in my new life.

"A man should measure his wealth by that which he does not need"
(unknown Buddhist)

newdayfortoday

I understand what you're going through and I'm not as far along sober wise as you are but in getting sober I found that my BF and I were no longer compatible. Could've been the lasting damage from my drinking that built up resentment or the avoidance of the problems we had either way it hurt and I felt/feel alone. However sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better and sometimes the best decisions aren't the easiest ones. I stayed sober throughout the seperation and move out and am now working on rebuilding the new me.

Best of luck. I know these things are never easy.

checkmate1

This is just the beginning of a fresh start....you have done really well to get to a year of sobriety congratz and it looks like you are making positive changes. Good luck.

JimE

Hi Toddtoday and welcome. Congrats on nearly a year of sobriety. Parting will probably be best for you since he doesn't want to be sober but I can surely understand your feeling bad about parting with him. I was divorced not long ago. There is a grieving process for relationships ending, be good to yourself. You're doing the right thing.

backbeat

Hi Toddtoday- wow can I relate to your story. I was sober once before, long ago, and had to split from people I thought I cared very much about. It was the hardest thing I ever did and after I did it I tried clawing my way back into the relationship out of fear, or more accurately, terror. I went through some dark times. But I can tell you this with 100% certainty- you come out the other side a better, stronger, healthier person. Happy in ways you don't yet realize exist, and in ways you won't experience until you go through it.

You're not alone at all. Far from it. We might be strangers on the internet but if I was in a room with you I'd give you a hug and tell you I get it because I do. We're all here for you. You can do this.

Toddtoday

Thanks to each of you for taking the time to reply. It means a lot to have such support and encouragement. Peace.

Stang

Get a dog!! SERIOUSLY go to the pound and get a dog That's what I did! This is after you leave him.

SeekSobriety

You are not alone. You have thousands of people here and at AA or other support meetings who are ready to "listen" and share the road of recovery with you. It sounds like you are making the right tough decision to leave a unhealthy and toxic relationship. Congratulations on your almost 1 year of sobriety. You have alot of strength and your story can and will help many other people struggling with these types of issues.

Together we can all help each other overcome the struggles of life. I thank you for your willingness to share your experience here and hope and wish only the best for you as you take a important step for your wellbeing and future.

NYCDoglvr

My heart goes out to you ........of course this is painful but necessary. I hope you grab all the support you can find. And, it's natural to want to stay where you are, it feels safer. Congratulations on your extraordinarily achievement -- sober! On your anniversary you'll have gone through every season, every holiday, sober!