detroiter

Well, it happened. I relapsed after being sober for so long. It was so weird and it just came out of nowhere. I heard my friend was coming back from a long stay overseas, and we used to be drinking buddies so I knew he would want to drink. I planned on staying sober, but then when we were together I finally cracked and decided I could be a social drinker for the night. I ended up getting hammered. For some reason the next night I thought I might as well have a few drinks since I had already thrown away my stretch of sobriety the night before…. Anndddd this has continued for 3 weeks of drinking a fifth every day now. I finally got one sober night in yesterday, and it’s like I’m back to earth. I didn’t have to go to the toilet in the morning for my routine vomit. My head is clear. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m so worried though because all these stupid drinking outings with old friends are going to keep coming up. I live by our old University Campus and old friends frequently come back to visit for football games (aka binge drinking starting in the morning). I’ve hidden from a lot of them that I’m an alcoholic because I lied numerous times about health problems and medications that kept me from drinking. I don’t know how to tell them that I’m not drinking because I’m an alcoholic, I’m worried they’ll judge me. On the other hand, they might not even believe me because I’ve been such a high functioning alcoholic and done rather well in life. I don’t even know how I’m going to have a relationship with some of them anymore because everything was just all about drinking and partying. I was actually going out to the bars with a lot of them and successfully staying sober, but that was because they weren’t trying to force feed me drinks because they thought I was on meds that I couldn’t drink on. That excuse is out the window now. I guess all that really matters in the end is my sobriety and we’ll see who I lose while staying sober.

doggonecarl

...everything was just all about drinking and partying.

Doesn't seem the kind of foundation strong, lifetime friendships are built on. I am sure there is more to your relationships than drinking...but how much more? If it impedes your recovery, maybe it is time to find new friends.

Good luck

tomdecel

This was me for years: 6 to 8 month sober, 5 week binge. Over and over again. It always started the same way. Just a couple with a friend, or at a wedding, or on a trip, or the nasty toothache, whatever, and 5 weeks later I was drinking 3 to 4- 1.75s of scotch or vodka per week. And I thought I was high functioning?

It is not that I have a drinking problem, I can drink with the best, it is that I have a stopping problem. I've known that for years. I just kept beating me up so badly every time. It wasn't until I was in so much pain 11 months ago that I had a real dialogue with myself and I decided that enough was enough, and to do whatever it takes to not get close to that first drink.

Real friends (and I do have a few) don't need excuses. They all know without me saying a word.

Best to you.

choublak

Just be honest. They probably won't judge you; if they do, they're not real friends anyway.

sugarbear1

You are so lucky to feel clear after a day of stopping after weeks of drinking! I'd have had a hangover!! Stay stopped and don't worry about what others think. They don't live in your shoes! How badly do you want to stay stopped?

CarolD

Welcome back to sR....

I am glad you want to get back on track...do you have a plan this time?

BennyHill

This is excellent advice.
The only way you will truly get over this hump is to be honest about your alcoholism. You have to tell them, and fcuk them if they don't accept you.
I doubt they would take the party to your hospital bed, if you got that worse.
Good luck to you, I hope you regain and keep sobriety, and peace of mind!

JimE

Some of my friends from the drinking daze are still in my life, some have died from this thing and some just faded away. Most people knew I was alcoholic before I told them. Good friends will want what's best for you.

Dee74

same great advice here detroiter - basically, real friends want whats best for you.

But we have to want whats best for ourselves too - there's really noone here that should be going to bars and putting ourselves in situations where drinking is the focus in early recovery...heck I still avoid drinkfests today.

I stayed away from my old drinking buddies and my haunts for a while - I was a pretty different guy at 90 days than I was at day one...

I'd consider doing the same at least until you're sure you're going to stay true to what you know is right for yourself

D

sherman32

I always look at it two ways like this:

Is this friend a friend or a drinking buddy?

If I can't easily tell, I'll ask myself a series of questions.

1.) Can I go mountain biking or jogging with this person and have a good time?

2.) Can I go do anything with this person that doesn't require alcohol and have a good time?


If your friend requires alcohol to be around, you just have a drinking buddy and not a real friend. I've had alot of good friends over the years that I used to drink with. I hardly hang out with any of them anymore.

Of course this is my opinion, but it is based upon my experiences.

Supercrew

I agree with telling the truth, but the truth doesn't have to include, "Hi I'm Detroiter, and I'm an alcoholic". I just tell people I decided to quit drinking. It wasn't agreeing with my lifestyle anymore, I am trying to get healthier and alcohol isn't part of my diet anymore. If they ask more I tell them all the benefits I have seen since I quit as far as my depression going away, how much weight I lost, and how much better I feel every morning.

If people think you are an alcoholic they automatically think you had to quit, and many will judge you and think you have a problem...even close old friends. If you tell them you decided to quit...which you did, and you tell them the benefits you have seen, all of the sudden you are a really bright and health conscious person who has control over his life.

If you tell people it's a lifestyle change people will respect you and not try to goad you into drinking.

eJoshua

Sorry you relapsed.

I lost most of my friends when I got sober, and I didn't have that many to begin with. I will tell you that I would rather lose my old friends and be sober than drink myself to an early grave.

I hate to say it, but the old maxim is true: Family sticks around but friends come and go. You will make new friends in recovery if you make the effort.

Don't beat yourself up about the relapse, just try to learn from it and try again!

detroiter

As my sobriety continues, so does my understanding of this situation. I know that I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO stay sober or I'm going to drink myself to death eventually. It's hard to formulate a plan for this though. Sometimes I wish I could just take a break and leave somewhere for a month. Or I wish I could just not answer my phone without feeling shady. After I originally posted this I talked to some of my closest friends about staying sober forever because I'm an alcoholic, and no one was really shocked. It seemed like either they didn't think I could do it, I didn't need to do it, or that they wish they could do it themselves. The general response was kinda like "uhhh so what ru gonna do with your free time now?" Two of them said they need to hit the brakes on their drinking too. I may have some awkward moments with people, and I bet people will do their fair share of whispering and rumor spreading... but whatever. It's worth my life. Most of them are alcoholics too, they just haven't accepted it as a problem. It's so much harder to quit when you live in a sub-culture that doesn't know how to have fun without alcohol. Every street is flooded with bars and liquor shops and everyone is just stuck there, thinking there isn't more to life. I haven't tried to meet people without alcohol. I don't think it's going to be easy.

CarolD

Have you considered attending AA?
That is where I have found new sober friends and we do all sorts of interesting and fun things without drinking.....:yup;

The best thing about watching football sober is not only do I know who won...but how...

BTW by the time I quit....my social circle were all at best....excessive drinkers.
Since I stopped 22 years ago...36 of those acquaintances have died from alcohol related causes.
What a tragic needless waste.

TheEnd

If you can't be honest with your friends, you're going to have these episode on a regular basis. If all your friends want to do is drink and you're an alcoholic, then that's a bad combination in my book. Maybe you should consider alternate activities with these friends or maybe even alternate friends.