Beebizzy

Hi Everyone,

It's day 9 for me and doing good so far. Thanks again to SR for all the support!

I consider myself very lucky to have had 'optimal conditions' to detox in - time off work, good doctor, supportive bf, this site, sensible meds, sound lifestyle advice etc.

So the following might sound like a 'luxury problem'. But still, I'd like to know what people's thoughts are and/or what they do or did.

I was a ritualistic drinker - started at 7pm-ish every day - never a drop before then.

So, not surprisingly, this is the hardest time of day for me now. It starts at 5-ish (previously, anticipation of the 'party') and continues for most of the evening, though it abates some (when my brain finally understands it ain't gonna happen, and I'm watching my DVDs).

But during those hours it's pretty rough. I get very low, very 'what's the point, it wasn't so bad' (oh boy), and very antsy, irritable, worried and anxious.

I know one big thing I need to learn is to ride out these feelings - I don't always have to reach for a pill or a drink.

At the moment during these hours I call my bf, read and post here, and cook, eat and do the dishes. Feed the cats. Take a shower. Play solitaire. But it's a bit miserable all the same.

What have others done with this type of situation? Should I maybe choose this time to exercise? If so, will it mess up my eating schedule (I'm really trying to eat at a 'normal' time instead of like 11pm)?

Any other tips?

Er, it will pass right? When my brain catches on to what my body is doing?

Thanks a lot,
BB

SSIL75

Something I read here in early recovery that really helped was along the lines of "actions change your mind more than your mind can change your actions". I think exercising is a great idea! Why would it screw up your eating?

I would say DO something that you love to do! Feeding the cats and playing solitaire sounds boring.

My situation is a little different b/c I have small children so I'm limited but in early sobriety I'd go to the mall after dinner sometimes, meet a friend for some tea, go out for a walk, play with my kids, buy a trashy magazine and inhale it when the kids are asleep, dye my hair.... I can't think of anything else now.

But basically I would find something to DO that you totally love! And go from there.

Congrats on 9 days!

Beebizzy

Thanks SSIL75!

Hmm yeah I wasn't very clear with that exercise remark. I'm no expert on exercise (ahem :-)) but I've read that you should not exercise too close to bedtime (11-ish)? And it's probably not a good idea right after you eat either, right?

I was thinking of walking, indeed, at around 5-ish - then dinner at 7-ish - then... whatever. At the moment I watch DVDs, which I love.

Walking at 5-ish is OK while I'm off work, but when I go back to work I get home around 6.30 (which at least will take care of the 5-6.30 period :-)). Guess I could walk home from work.

I need to plan this a bit more - but I get the idea - thanks a lot!

Feeding the cats is boring, but trust me if you don't do it's a lot worse than boring LOL :-) Miaow, miaow, miaow constantly etc. (But I know you weren't saying I shouldn't feed my cats at all :-)).

Still seeking for things that I love to be quite honest with you - having loved only one thing during those hours for the longest time.

Trashy magazine and dyeing hair... hmmm pampering - THAT sounds good :-D

Thank you very much!

BB

SSIL75

Some exercise after work should help you sleep a lot better. Definitely not too close to your bedtime!

Why not try the couch to 5k program? That's wonderful and will really get you going! Or spend your drinking money on a trainer at the gym!

Beebizzy

Right - that's what I thought - thanks.

What's the couch to 5k program? Is that an official thing, or a euphemism I don't know yet...?

I have a lovely park close to my apartment. I'd like to work up to running there (at least, while it's still light in the evenings) starting with brisk walking.

I also bought a skipping rope - well OK, I haven't bought it yet but it's in my Amazon basket :-) I have a large balcony out the back that I could skip on (and amuse the neighbours), and I could even do it inside if it's raining.

Actually, does anyone know of any good exercise/yoga/pilates-ish DVDs? Or meditation CDs?

Thanks,
BB

SSIL75

I don't think I can post a link b/c it has some commercial stuff but if you google you'll see. it's a free program that gets you from the couch to running a 5k in 9 weeks. So like the first week you run in 90 second intervals (I think) etc. It's great.

Beebizzy

Gosh - my goals were a bit more modest :-) But that sounds fab - I'll google it, thanks a lot SSIL75.

BB

foodie1

Beebizzy it sounds like you and I had very similar drinking patterns, and just about the same time sober too.

Congrats on the sobriety!!

My witching hour starts at 5, directly after work, and it's been a struggle to replace my habit. I started with herbal tea and reading, lots and lots of herbal tea! I was so used to always having something in my hand and drinking, this was a real sanity-saver this first week. Reading just helps me to be 110% absorbed, which was also very useful this first week.

Now that I'm feeling a bit saner, I'm going to change up my routine a bit to include pilates when I get home from work. My biggest problem is anxiety and getting super-hyped up, so this this form of exercise is best for me.

So far I'm finding it's all about habits for me, is this true for anyone else? I had a habit for 20 years and it's not just going to disappear without something else to fill it in.

LifeBlows

I find that it helps to do something that completely engrosses your mind. Playing solitaire and feeding the cats just seems like it would leave too much time for your mind to wander and allows for clock watching. I think everyone on here knows that clock watching is like having needles stuck under your fingernails. Its really hard to tolerate on a daily basis.

Reset

I was the same way and tea helped a lot. Mostly green or white tea, and then some chamomile or red tea before bed. It's hard to put my finger on why the tea helps but something about the hot liquid sends me in a different direction from alcohol, and the ritual of making the tea is both a distraction and also replaces the rituals that come with drinking.

Now I exercise after work, say from 600-730. I eat late but I eat very small dinners, if at all, and go for big lunches instead. I did a lot of my drinking in the kitchen, so unfortunately I do not cook as much as I used to but that's just the way it has to be.

SavingIsabella

Thank you so much for this post, I could have written it myself. I'm on day 5 and last night around 8pm was especially difficult for me. I was online reading this site until about 1am, it really helped keep me focused on why I am doing this.

CarolD

In early sobriety I timed my cravings....tho they felt like hours...they were not.
They were actually 5 to 7 minutes and so then I took actions

I prayed...walked or danced around the room...ate a snack...Showered...brushed my teeth...drank cold water....took a bubble bath with scented candles..sang aloud etc.

I thought of that as actions of disstractions....

Rather quickly they began to abate both in intensity andtime
By the end of 2 months they had vanished ..never have returned during the last 22 years.

Please try any of the above or make up your own distractions
Yes you too can win over alcohol.....keep moving forward......

TwelveSteps

Well, going to meetings is the best thing -- I went to one almost every day around 7 or 7:30 the first year. And for me, not exercising before bed only applies if it's a workout, like running, rock climbing, etc., but I think taking an hour walk is a great idea. That often helped me. Also, working out in the mornings before work was key, it meant I was calm and centered enough at the end of the day to get through that period.

If you don't go to meetings, maybe sign up for a crafts class or something in the evenings. For me, just being out of my house and talking to people was what helped the most.

GG

Beebizzy

Thanks a lot everyone!

@ foodie1: Congrats to you too! I'm drinking LOADS of herbal tea and finding it great as well. Also a lot of water. I love reading and it would absorb me completely, but because I've been on valium I just fall asleep :-( As I'm coming off the valium, the doc has said not to sleep after 3pm or it might be harder to sleep at night. On the plus side, I might get more reading done during the day. Yes, for me it's totally, utterly, 100% about habits. They're hard to change, aren't they? 17 years for me.

@ LifeBlows: very well said. Solitaire is a lot of clock-watching, you are so right. I need something more engrossing.

@ Reset: I'm trying to eat better now too and at normal times. The kitchen isn't a danger zone for me, luckily, so this is working out pretty well. I need to find some new things to make though - am getting a bit bored with the current repertoire, but there's lots on the internet so no worries there.

@ SavingIsabella: Congrats on your 5 days! I know, I spend a LOT of time on here, truly, it helps me so much. And there are moments when I lose sight of the 'why' as well - I can usually fend them off, but it's very disturbing and uncomfortable (at best) when it happens.

@ Carol: SOOOOO glad to hear it passes. Really - so glad.

@ TwelveSteps: I don't go to meetings, no, but I'm hoping to build in some kind of activity or class eventually. At the moment, I'm still too scared to go out, and too scared to see people (they tell me this is the depression). But it's my goal eventually. Exercising in the morning is an excellent idea - thanks.

Many thanks again to all!

BB

artsoul

I didn't go anywhere for a while either, and just spent the evenings here on SR. (TV going in the background). Cleaned out a closet here and there, treated myself to carryout from favorite restaurants, just kept everything pretty low key.

I agree with the others about finding things you enjoy. Being an artist, I love doing things with my hands, so I started making jewelry and took up knitting again... I'm making lots of Christmas gifts this year. Some people are readers, some like to be up and moving all the time..... You'll figure it out. Try picking one thing each day to accomplish. It doesn't have to be anything big, but it will give you a sense of satisfaction.

When I was young, my mother used to say that everything seems bigger at night and I've found that to be true. When I was having a hard time, I just reminded myself I'd feel better after a good night's sleep (and a hangover free morning!).

This is always a good topic. Thanks!!

Boleo

While I no longer depend on AA meetings to keep me sober, I had a hard time with high anxiety in 7 - 9 PM time frame during my first year of sobriety. I don't think it is a coincidence that most meeting start between 7 & 8 PM.

sugarbear1

Outpatient rehab teaches a lot.....

ZZworldontheweb

It absolutely, positively, will pass. I guarantee it. UNLESS you drink again, then you risk re-setting the clock. So don't drink anything, even a tiny thing to take the edge off.

eJoshua

It does pass!

Try to do something that you really love. Retrain your brain to anticipate a healthy activity. Exercise is not a bad idea, unless you hate to exercise (like me)

Best of luck and congrats on 9 days!

Beebizzy

Artsoul,

Thanks for this - good to know you were low-key as well. I think my doc has the idea that I shouldn't 'cop out of life' for too long, but you know... I find it very difficult to face others and go anywhere that isn't a familiar route.

I'm no artist but I do like reading and writing so that's what I'm focussing on at the moment. I start the day thinking things like 'right, I'll tidy the DVD shelves/do some ironing/take a walk' but as the day progresses it gets harder and harder :-( At the moment I accomplish the bare minimum (just about). I am trying to set small goals though yes, I agree it's the way to go.

Your mother was/is a wise woman! It's crazy how the night changes everything isn't it?

Thanks again,
BB