Anna

I hope you find a way to recover, Spryte.

SSIL75

Why will you keep drinking? (are you drinking now?).

EricL

My experience has been that the location did not necessarily matter, no matter where I was I was still stuck with the same problem, it was a matter of what actions were being taken. I went to treatment for 4 months of inpatient stuff, drank almost immediately after leaving, spent another eight months physically separated from alcohol going to meetings, out to coffee, out for fellowship, but not actually seeking any solution that people were offering me, and still drank eventually. Went to therapy for a while drinking off and on. Simply saying no wasn't working for me, things like recognizing triggers or avoiding drinking situations, or my favorite "thinking the drink through" were all but useless for me.

Once I said **** it, I have no idea how to stay sober, and some people I knew and could identify with as an alcoholic seemed to have a solution, maybe I'll try their solution instead of trying to manage it myself-then things began to change and life started looking up.

So, in my experience it hasn't been the location, but the giving up the idea that I knew what I needed and following someone else's plan of action that took away the problem for me. For me this was AA, for others it has been SMART, or AVRT, or whatever else is out there. I would implore you though to give up that idea that you can get yourself out of the situation, try finding some sort of program and interact with people looking for the same solution.

spryte

why will i keep drinking? b/c I need to, but I think i can get around that. I'm not that addicted.

am i drinking?
well, of COURSE I am SSIL...lol

suki44883

Saying you're not "that addicted" is like saying you're not "that pregnant." Either you are or you aren't. To be honest, it sounds like you are talking yourself out of rehab. Maybe you're not ready yet to quit.

EricL

One thing to consider, if you are still drinking, DTs can be very dangerous, you may want to contact your physician regarding the need for a medical detox for a couple days.

spryte

i read it even closer eric and realized, I am NOT ready to admit that I know nothing and to put faith and trust in any organization

that will never happen...I am a very paranoid person...but smart, so i get by...but I am never giving up my trust in anyone or anything

someway, I am always right, I am always a step ahead

EricL

That seems to have worked well seeing as you're on the internet asking advice from anonymous strangers about your inability to quit drinking.

spryte

it's frusterating b/c I want someone to tell me what to do but i don't trust anyone...and in the meantime i am slowly ******* myself over with this slow drip of drinking

i used to drink one to two bottles a night, and then i realized it's best to have a slow drip - o1.5 drink in the morning and at lunch and at 4 and then let loose

EricL

I hear that! It's terrifying to put my trust in what someone else is telling me. Terrifying to admit that I was wrong, that I had no idea what I was doing. My trust had been broken so many times before, I was scared of how this would go. However, I was at a point of desperation where I had tried everything else I could think of, this was my last shot, the last thing I tried.

onlythetruth

Spryte: I understand fully how frustrating it is to feel you need formal, professional help for your addiction, but have no treatment options in your area that are not 12 step based. It's the same in my area--a veritable mecca for those who like 12 step, but a disaster for everyone else.

Chances are that you've already been repeatedly exposed to 12 step and know perfectly well that it isn't the right path for you, and now here you are with people claiming you can't possibly be serious about getting sober because you had the audacity to express your frustration. They are even making fun of you, saying that your stance is "amusing". What a shame.

I for one can tell you this: you can get sober without ever setting foot inside a 12 step based rehab or an AA or NA meeting. Take your obvious determination and that feisty attitude and get yourself to a local or online SMART Recovery meeting (if you want to go to meetings); write on these boards (stay away from the 12 step ones, there are plenty of us here who don't use 12 step!); and most of all make the decision to quit NO MATTER WHAT.

Dee74

Spryte

whatever you do, do something else but drink ok?

There are a million paths to recovery - sometimes you gotta do some leg work though.

I know you can do this - find something, push the fear aside, and go with it - you're worth it.

take care
D

Mark75

I went to a very, very, as in very, LOL, 12 step based treatment center. I had to, it was a occupational thing, I didn't get to choose. Actually I didn't want to go at all. I still deal with some of the resentment, though I have come to accept it all.

I don't know, I think it is in the posture that we come to recovery with, not so much whether it is 12 step based, or another program.

The common thread I have seen here at SR among those who have recovered, and have achieved a degree of serenity, is one of humility. One of open mindedness and willingness to try something new, something outside their comfort zone, to break through the denial, rationalization and justification.

Some also do it with hard edged will power and determination. That doesn't seem to be working for you.

I wish you well. I detect a hint of ambivalence, that's good. Remember, in AA you don't put your trust in anyone else, or any institution, you put it in God (in yourself )

Terminally Unique

I sent you some information on a method of self-recovery, as well as two other options which you may find more agreeable.

Check your private messages.

sugarbear1

When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, you might stay stopped.
Trying and not working never helped me stay stopped.
I want to stay stopped and enjoy my life as I am.

AA is a fellowship with little organization.

Best wishes! You can do it, if you want to.

Dee74

I removed a few posts that were private discussions, or confusing in what they presented.
Carol will look at them later.

D

Boleo

Sounds like typical alcoholic thinking to me. Delusions are not caused by lack of knowledge, they are the result of starting with a false premise.

BASEjumper

I went to twelve step meetings; while the philosophy did not resonate with me and I never worked the steps, I still found them to be valuable. They connected me with a lively group of helpful people who had my disease and helped me realize I was not alone and it could be beaten.

As another posted, you sort of need to be willing to try anything. Take what works for you and use it, anything that doesn't work, get rid of it.

Be open to new ideas, I used to think that way and I nearly led myself into ruin

LosingmyMisery

12 step programs are devised for recovery. Yoga, although may be useful, is not a recovery program. If rehab is fully funded what have you got to lose? All you have to have is an open mind. Who knows, you may learn something useful. However, you are right, if you are unwilling to do it their way, it may be a waste of time and money. If you want to change and quit drinking, make it happen. You have the time off of work, you want to change and quit drinking forever, yet you are unwilling to do it their way, and still drinking. Time to regroup and reevaluate.

Eddiebuckle

Spryte,

It seems to me that your problem is that you don't know what you don't know about alcoholism and recovery. My own experience may not be all that different from yours, I chose to avoid a local rehab because it appeared to be too evangelical christian in its 12 step program, and I knew that would never work for me. I had no idea how much alcohol had changed my mood, outlook and ability to think, because those changes occurred so gradually over such a long period of time. And almost all of the preconceptions I had about recovery turned out to be false. I have no idea why I was convinced that my opinion was fact, but that's what I thought.

Is it possible that you are in the same boat? One things for sure: alcohol will break you eventually. I hope you live long enough to be ready to do whatever it takes to get and maintain your sobriety. Because that's another one of the things I had no clue about: life without alcohol is not just manageable, it's magnificent.

Good luck & keep posting.