5 months in and struggling
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by pounding 
I am researching people who post that they can drink in moderation and I am pretending I am the same! (no way am I )
This is tough, I had thought I had beaten the cravings, I never thought they would return like this.
The battle in my head is becoming all consuming. I really dont care that the negatives far outweigh the positives. Today I was looking at the price of wine and beer - why? I need to get through this.
This is tough, I had thought I had beaten the cravings, I never thought they would return like this.
The battle in my head is becoming all consuming. I really dont care that the negatives far outweigh the positives. Today I was looking at the price of wine and beer - why? I need to get through this.
Wishing you peace today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Originally Posted by pounding
I really dont care that the negatives far outweigh the positives.
Talk to some people who know what you are going through - other alcoholcs that have been in and still are in recovery. They will help you weather this storm. It's just alcohol's last ditch effort to get your soul back. Don't give in.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Originally Posted by pounding
My stomach problem was a worsening pain in the lower left part of my stomach. I have had a colonoscopy and it came back clear, the pain has slowly gone since I gave up alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 335
You've lost weight, stomach problems are gone, home a better place more money. Concentrate on all the positives and what you will be throwing away. A craving is a craving it will pass. I'm at 4 months sober and i have my bad days and if I have a thought about alcohol I think about all the positives in my life and that I have much to lose by picking up that first drink. I'm never looking back.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Dunno pounding....... sounds like you've got the same alcoholism I have. Get me dry too long and it comes on me like a ton of bricks. All the frothy emotional appeal in the world: call your sponsor, just don't drink, focus on the good you have, you're doing so well.....etc etc etc. That sort of stuff didn't keep an alkie like me sober in my drinking days and it sure won't keep me sober now.
......and in your case, you've got many months since your last drink.....yet here it is again....trying to push it's way back into your life.
Maybe it's temporary and it'll go away on it's own. Maybe it's not though and, as Boleo suggested, you may need to incorporate a spiritual game-plan into what you're already doing.
That's what worked for me..... Things in my life were, on the outside, going better but internally I was not much better than I was months earlier. That's how chronic alcoholism effects a drunk like me.....it gets me when I'm not drinking, out of the blue, and for no reason. If I could just keep myself sober, think happy thoughts and have a fabulous life without the spirituality and everything that in encompass, believe me, I wouldn't be doing it. For an alkie like me though, there's just 2 choices: spiritual program of action or going back to living and dying that alcoholic death.
As I said........maybe it's just a phase........but maybe it's a indication that there's more, more deep down...more that you need out of recovery than what you're currently doing. ........just something for you to consider.
......and in your case, you've got many months since your last drink.....yet here it is again....trying to push it's way back into your life.
Maybe it's temporary and it'll go away on it's own. Maybe it's not though and, as Boleo suggested, you may need to incorporate a spiritual game-plan into what you're already doing.
That's what worked for me..... Things in my life were, on the outside, going better but internally I was not much better than I was months earlier. That's how chronic alcoholism effects a drunk like me.....it gets me when I'm not drinking, out of the blue, and for no reason. If I could just keep myself sober, think happy thoughts and have a fabulous life without the spirituality and everything that in encompass, believe me, I wouldn't be doing it. For an alkie like me though, there's just 2 choices: spiritual program of action or going back to living and dying that alcoholic death.
As I said........maybe it's just a phase........but maybe it's a indication that there's more, more deep down...more that you need out of recovery than what you're currently doing. ........just something for you to consider.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
I have learned that we drink to change the way we feel, and for the effect. I also understand that we drink because of untreated alcoholism.
So if we are having that strong obsession to drink again, then we are looking for some sort of relief or to change the way we feel, or just as our book tells us...succumbing to the desire which is more powerful than any desire to stay sober at times.
This has been true for me anyway.
I am working with a sponsor in AA, on my sober mind, identifying mind patterns...ex. drama creating, repressed anger...the things I would use as excuses to drink.
I am thinking that the only reason why I picked up a drink after 4 months sober which I did this past May, was all in my mind. I was free of physical cravings. I hadn't had alcohol in four months.
But I was angry one day. My mind said, go drink. What's the use and then it said, you can have beer if you want to. From anger to a decision to go to the store and buy beer happened in all of a couple of minutes, and I was off.
I get angry, though, and then the mental anger, becomes a physical reaction, and my body now craves the thing to calm it. I think this is why it's not only mental but physical. I think it starts in the mind with unrest, anger, or irrational thinking like that a drink is good, would be fun, whatever...and then something physical happens, and the whole body and mind are now craving, and a careless decision, an absurd action is taken.
And...it's spiritual, because that one day, I don't pray at that moment, I don't pause when agitated and pray, and utilize all that I have learned in my program. I just go drink. After four months of doing differently, this time, I am not spiritually fit, I don't pick up the phone and call someone or go to a meeting, this time, I throw it all away.
So.
I am thinking it is that when we are not alright in our minds. That we have anger, or things bothering us, or we get complacent with our program, that our minds will generate the old idea, that a drink sounds good. I am believing more and more that p. 52, is the root of my problem. The spiritual malady, the unmanageable life. I could go on, but better save that for my sponsor!
I hope that a good look back at the reasons why you desired sobriety will be sufficient for you to stay sober.
Stay close to your support network, and in the work, practical application of the AA principles daily so that you don't fall like I did.
So if we are having that strong obsession to drink again, then we are looking for some sort of relief or to change the way we feel, or just as our book tells us...succumbing to the desire which is more powerful than any desire to stay sober at times.
This has been true for me anyway.
I am working with a sponsor in AA, on my sober mind, identifying mind patterns...ex. drama creating, repressed anger...the things I would use as excuses to drink.
I am thinking that the only reason why I picked up a drink after 4 months sober which I did this past May, was all in my mind. I was free of physical cravings. I hadn't had alcohol in four months.
But I was angry one day. My mind said, go drink. What's the use and then it said, you can have beer if you want to. From anger to a decision to go to the store and buy beer happened in all of a couple of minutes, and I was off.
I get angry, though, and then the mental anger, becomes a physical reaction, and my body now craves the thing to calm it. I think this is why it's not only mental but physical. I think it starts in the mind with unrest, anger, or irrational thinking like that a drink is good, would be fun, whatever...and then something physical happens, and the whole body and mind are now craving, and a careless decision, an absurd action is taken.
And...it's spiritual, because that one day, I don't pray at that moment, I don't pause when agitated and pray, and utilize all that I have learned in my program. I just go drink. After four months of doing differently, this time, I am not spiritually fit, I don't pick up the phone and call someone or go to a meeting, this time, I throw it all away.
So.
I am thinking it is that when we are not alright in our minds. That we have anger, or things bothering us, or we get complacent with our program, that our minds will generate the old idea, that a drink sounds good. I am believing more and more that p. 52, is the root of my problem. The spiritual malady, the unmanageable life. I could go on, but better save that for my sponsor!
I hope that a good look back at the reasons why you desired sobriety will be sufficient for you to stay sober.
Stay close to your support network, and in the work, practical application of the AA principles daily so that you don't fall like I did.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 12
First of all, congrats on having 5 months. One day can seem like a major accomplishment sometimes, and you have over 100 of them in a row. That, in and of itself, is a big deal.
I can definitely relate when you talk about cravings returning. You'd depended on the drink to help get you through, and a sports injury took away a healthy activity that you enjoyed. Something similar happened to me fairly recently. I felt like I had the rug pulled from beneath my feet when the academic year and my on-campus job ended in May. Coincidentally, I also had 5 months off the sauce at the time (after going on and off the stuff for about 15 years.) I'm back now, but it left me with very little to do for 3 months, and the empty hours drove me nuts.
I read further down in the thread that you were able to beat the cravings over the last couple days. I'm glad to see that. I hope you're able to keep staying strong. I know this may not help much, but I hope you'll remember that I'm limping through this right along with you.
One day can seem like a major accomplishment sometimes, and you have over 100 of them in a row. That, in and of itself, is a big deal.I can definitely relate when you talk about cravings returning. You'd depended on the drink to help get you through, and a sports injury took away a healthy activity that you enjoyed. Something similar happened to me fairly recently. I felt like I had the rug pulled from beneath my feet when the academic year and my on-campus job ended in May. Coincidentally, I also had 5 months off the sauce at the time (after going on and off the stuff for about 15 years.) I'm back now, but it left me with very little to do for 3 months, and the empty hours drove me nuts.
I read further down in the thread that you were able to beat the cravings over the last couple days. I'm glad to see that.
I hope you're able to keep staying strong. I know this may not help much, but I hope you'll remember that I'm limping through this right along with you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 99
Hi, as CarolD linked to, you are most likely suffering from PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). I've experienced it on a number of occasions during my 10 months sober. Thankfully it is becoming less frequent. These 'episodes' are categorised, for me, by intense cravings and black, circular thoughts and depression, like a battle being waged in my head between giving in and staying the course. I can only say I got through them by being honest with myself about the repercussions of that first drink and telling myself that the feelings will pass. They did. As miserable as cravings and PAWS can be, holding firm throughout will only enlighten you and fortify you, I believe.
Recovery from alcoholism and drugs is in many cases a war that we can never really win. Our addictions will never surrender but we can grow in experience and knowledge while we recover in order to hold it at bay with growing confidence and self-awareness. It's not easy, of course it isn't, but as someone on here once said, "still waters do not make skillful sailors". Therein lies, I believe, the profound opportunity inherent in recovery from addiction: the opportunity to grow as a person, in knowledge, wisdom and compassion -for ourselves and others-, and to meet life's trials with renewed pride and clarity.
Keep going!
Recovery from alcoholism and drugs is in many cases a war that we can never really win. Our addictions will never surrender but we can grow in experience and knowledge while we recover in order to hold it at bay with growing confidence and self-awareness. It's not easy, of course it isn't, but as someone on here once said, "still waters do not make skillful sailors". Therein lies, I believe, the profound opportunity inherent in recovery from addiction: the opportunity to grow as a person, in knowledge, wisdom and compassion -for ourselves and others-, and to meet life's trials with renewed pride and clarity.
Keep going!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 27
3 days later and I am still sober. This afternoon I didn't get the cravings I had experienced over the previous 2 days . No one said this would be easy. I guess when it happens again I will have the experience and knowledge that it wont last forever and will pass. I feel mentally exhausted and have been sleeping most afternoons.
I think this is a reminder that we deal with this disease day by day. For the last week the feel good factor had gone,today it returned.
I think this is a reminder that we deal with this disease day by day. For the last week the feel good factor had gone,today it returned.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: St petersburg florida
Posts: 29
5 months took me out, it was the sat 8am "complain about your roomates dish in the sink meeting" just woken up for that !
anger resentment = drink 4 me
20 guys 6 apartments. he left a dish in the sink crap, dish in the sink who cares !
revolving conversations at these tabels
1. drug use glory storys
2. sexual jokes and stories comments puns constant potty talk
3. trouble with the law stories
4. sports player name dropping
5. slander, gossip about person not present
6. "dish in the sink"
back to topic 1 over and over and over. I had no car to get away, get a life.
4 weeks till car.
Im going to have 1 just one beer. screw these loosers screw "dish in the sink" at 8 am.
it was 10 drinks> vodka then > hotel > 200 more > 5 months, 1 beer took me out !!!!!
anger resentment = drink 4 me
20 guys 6 apartments. he left a dish in the sink crap, dish in the sink who cares !
revolving conversations at these tabels
1. drug use glory storys
2. sexual jokes and stories comments puns constant potty talk
3. trouble with the law stories
4. sports player name dropping
5. slander, gossip about person not present
6. "dish in the sink"
back to topic 1 over and over and over. I had no car to get away, get a life.
4 weeks till car.
Im going to have 1 just one beer. screw these loosers screw "dish in the sink" at 8 am.
it was 10 drinks> vodka then > hotel > 200 more > 5 months, 1 beer took me out !!!!!
High on Life
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Been to Hell and Back
Posts: 1,157
The first time around when I had 5 months, I was struggling also. And guess what, I caved and it doesn't get easier when you cave. You will just be kicking yourself. This time around, now I have 6 months and I don't even think about using. Hopefully it will stay that way. The only thing I would tell you is to push through it, because you once you pick up that drink, it's back to day 1.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
