Back to where I started.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Back to where I started.
Well, I started logging into this website about 5 months ago and did really good for about a month.... and then it was right back to the start. Actually no, it's been worse from where it started.
This is my initial post:
"Hey everyone -
I'd like to introduce myself here. I'm Erin. I've been a pretty steady alcoholic for about four years now. I drink about 5 nights a week until I fall asleep. I feel that it started as a coping mechanism, then lead to boredom when I lost my job and now is just a habit.
I've begun noticing symptoms of alcohol abuse and I know I'm killing my body right now. I work two jobs and don't feel I have time to go to meetings (maybe just an excuse on my part especially since I have time to drink still) but I'm reaching out for some online support.
Anyone else in the same boat?"
My drinking has progressed to a point where I have called in "sick" to work just so I can stay home and be drunk. I no longer have the strength to have a bottle of any type of alcohol in my house without me having to drink it all, even if that means missing work.
I hate it. I hate the hold it has over me and I'm starting to hate myself for it. I am 26 years old, I have a Master's Degree and I have a great heart (emotionally speaking) and I know I could be doing so much more with my life right now. At the same time I know I am wasting my life right now and killing my body. It's just so frustrating.
This is my initial post:
"Hey everyone -
I'd like to introduce myself here. I'm Erin. I've been a pretty steady alcoholic for about four years now. I drink about 5 nights a week until I fall asleep. I feel that it started as a coping mechanism, then lead to boredom when I lost my job and now is just a habit.
I've begun noticing symptoms of alcohol abuse and I know I'm killing my body right now. I work two jobs and don't feel I have time to go to meetings (maybe just an excuse on my part especially since I have time to drink still) but I'm reaching out for some online support.
Anyone else in the same boat?"
My drinking has progressed to a point where I have called in "sick" to work just so I can stay home and be drunk. I no longer have the strength to have a bottle of any type of alcohol in my house without me having to drink it all, even if that means missing work.
I hate it. I hate the hold it has over me and I'm starting to hate myself for it. I am 26 years old, I have a Master's Degree and I have a great heart (emotionally speaking) and I know I could be doing so much more with my life right now. At the same time I know I am wasting my life right now and killing my body. It's just so frustrating.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Welcome back.
I know how discouraging things can be, I was in a very similar place when I finally found sobriety.
Have you tried a program of recovery to help you quit? Here is a list of many of them: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Some you go to meetings for and some you don't. There are many different options available to assist you in quitting. You don't have to go it alone or be miserable. I know being here at SR has helped me immensely with my sobriety. I hope it does you as well
I know how discouraging things can be, I was in a very similar place when I finally found sobriety.
Have you tried a program of recovery to help you quit? Here is a list of many of them: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Some you go to meetings for and some you don't. There are many different options available to assist you in quitting. You don't have to go it alone or be miserable. I know being here at SR has helped me immensely with my sobriety. I hope it does you as well
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 6
Erin,
You have your whole life ahead of you. San Diego is one of the most prettiest areas in America, I used to live in La Jolla. I used to go to meetings out there. Steps/meetings????
I am of your age and have had very similar feelings....Gotta make positive steps to try to get sober.
You have your whole life ahead of you. San Diego is one of the most prettiest areas in America, I used to live in La Jolla. I used to go to meetings out there. Steps/meetings????
I am of your age and have had very similar feelings....Gotta make positive steps to try to get sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Nandm - No, I haven't started any physical programs yet. I'm planning on going to a women's program tomorrow between jobs. It's just hard for me because I have an hour between jobs. I work 8-1:30 with one job and 2:30 to 10 with the other. So yeah, I have very little free time and there aren't any late night meetings to my knowledge around here.
Evenkeal - San Diego is beautiful. I think I struggle even while being a beautiful place because I don't really want to be here. I moved here to be with a boyfriend, which didn't work, but I'd made such strong friendships with people so I've stayed here. I want to be in a smaller town. I don't like to deal with fake personalities and high rent. I'm trying to be positive and naturally I am a positive person so it's easy but it's still frustrating. As much as I believe that my life is going to be great, I'm frustrated by the dependence I have.
Evenkeal - San Diego is beautiful. I think I struggle even while being a beautiful place because I don't really want to be here. I moved here to be with a boyfriend, which didn't work, but I'd made such strong friendships with people so I've stayed here. I want to be in a smaller town. I don't like to deal with fake personalities and high rent. I'm trying to be positive and naturally I am a positive person so it's easy but it's still frustrating. As much as I believe that my life is going to be great, I'm frustrated by the dependence I have.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 705
Sorry to hear you are struggling. I am too. But I am not drinking tonight and thats good.
I WANT to cuz the anxiety is strong but I know ultimately drinking makes the anxiety sooo much worse.
Don't drink tonight with me.
I WANT to cuz the anxiety is strong but I know ultimately drinking makes the anxiety sooo much worse.
Don't drink tonight with me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 44
When I finally quit drinking, I didn't really care if I called in sick to work from the brown bottle flu. Some days I would show up hung over the night before, other days I would show up still drunk from the night before. Sometimes the boss would call, then the next day I would try to remember what the conversation was about, did I tell him to f-off, etc.
I realized it wasn't good for me, and well, I kept on doing it. Most of the time I was in such a fog that it didn't matter. Looking back, that fog was polarizing. It kept me from seeing what was really going on. It kept me living in a dream world where reality didn't line up with my drinking.
For me, I finally just had to take the time to seriously address the situation. Once I gave myself the respect, time, and tools to quit, it just took time. It was a bit of a roller coaster in the early days. But it was well worth it.
I didn't realize how polarizing drinking was for me. When I was drinking, I couldn't imagine any detail of my life without it. The other side is so much better!
I realized it wasn't good for me, and well, I kept on doing it. Most of the time I was in such a fog that it didn't matter. Looking back, that fog was polarizing. It kept me from seeing what was really going on. It kept me living in a dream world where reality didn't line up with my drinking.
For me, I finally just had to take the time to seriously address the situation. Once I gave myself the respect, time, and tools to quit, it just took time. It was a bit of a roller coaster in the early days. But it was well worth it.
I didn't realize how polarizing drinking was for me. When I was drinking, I couldn't imagine any detail of my life without it. The other side is so much better!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome back....
In early sobreity....I lived in D.C. lots of meetings and
I found an AA meeting that met at 7 a.m. before I had to get to work.
I really like starting my day with a meeting...
In early sobreity....I lived in D.C. lots of meetings and
I found an AA meeting that met at 7 a.m. before I had to get to work.
I really like starting my day with a meeting...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Thanks for the support everyone! I've done really good the last couple of days 
I've been coming home after my second job and instead of pouring a drink like I usually do, I've been taking a walk or going to the gym. It's been a good outlet so far and by the time I get back and shower I'm so tired I don't want to do anything but sleep.
@ Gravity: I do need to work two jobs right now because I have student loans to pay every month on top of rent, car insurance and debt from being in school. If I didn't have two jobs, I'd have to move back in with my parents and I know that won't end well.
My real struggle with the positive track I am starting on with be the next two days though. I only work one job tomorrow and have all of Friday off so I'm sure I will try to convince myself that being that I have nothing I have to do, it will be okay to drink. I'm worried about it but I guess that means I'm aware. I already have plans to go to a local lake on Friday so I hope that will give me the start I need for the day.
Thanks again for all of your support!
I've been coming home after my second job and instead of pouring a drink like I usually do, I've been taking a walk or going to the gym. It's been a good outlet so far and by the time I get back and shower I'm so tired I don't want to do anything but sleep. @ Gravity: I do need to work two jobs right now because I have student loans to pay every month on top of rent, car insurance and debt from being in school. If I didn't have two jobs, I'd have to move back in with my parents and I know that won't end well.
My real struggle with the positive track I am starting on with be the next two days though. I only work one job tomorrow and have all of Friday off so I'm sure I will try to convince myself that being that I have nothing I have to do, it will be okay to drink. I'm worried about it but I guess that means I'm aware. I already have plans to go to a local lake on Friday so I hope that will give me the start I need for the day.
Thanks again for all of your support!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 22
I am starting over too. On day five today. One thing that works for me to distract me from wanting to drink is to do two things at once. Some of my favorites are hand sewing (buttons, tears,etc) and watching shows on the internet/tv at the same time, or painting and watching shows. For some reason it helps because both my brain and my hands are occupied, but neither one of them with anything too difficult. At the end, I have accomplished something to show for my time- and it's not a hangover! Just an idea!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I only work one job tomorrow and have all of Friday off so I'm sure I will try to convince myself that being that I have nothing I have to do, it will be okay to drink.
If you feel like you're losing your footing, come here and get grounded again, eat something, distract yourself, do whatever it takes....... just nuture that wonderful person that you want to bring back to the surface. Each time you get through another tough spot, the addiction will lose a little bit of power over you.
Cheering you on.........:day6
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes....for quite awhile I used 2 on line sites to supplement my meetings...
sorry I no longer have the links...but Google for
Pal Talk and AA OnLine
The SR Chat room has recovery meetings...tho not AA.
sorry I no longer have the links...but Google for
Pal Talk and AA OnLine
The SR Chat room has recovery meetings...tho not AA.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 6
i feel you. boy, do i feel you. my best is 32 days...then right back off the wagon and face-first into the freshest pile of manure the horse left behind. i currently have zero days of sobriety... :\ good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 12
Thank you! I didn't know they had online meetings. I am going to utilize that when I'm having a hard time but don't have anyone at my apartment to talk to... especially with my free day tomorrow. I am going to a meeting tomorrow too which is exciting, nerve-wracking and scary all the same time!
@iwritethesongs: You have no idea how many times I could have posted that same exact post. I felt really confident in myself when I first joined this site. I was so sure that I was at my breaking point... that I was ready to acknowledge the addiction and be stronger than it. And I was for almost two months but then I was right back to where I started. I'm just hoping now that this is the time for me to be strong and move on with my life. I think everyone has to fail sometimes to enjoy success that much more.
As an English Lit. geek, I found some type of comfort in Emily Dickinson's poem, Success. I have the first stanza posted on my bathroom mirror.
@iwritethesongs: You have no idea how many times I could have posted that same exact post. I felt really confident in myself when I first joined this site. I was so sure that I was at my breaking point... that I was ready to acknowledge the addiction and be stronger than it. And I was for almost two months but then I was right back to where I started. I'm just hoping now that this is the time for me to be strong and move on with my life. I think everyone has to fail sometimes to enjoy success that much more.
As an English Lit. geek, I found some type of comfort in Emily Dickinson's poem, Success. I have the first stanza posted on my bathroom mirror.
Success is counted sweetest
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: San Diego, CA today, TX,KS,IL previously
Posts: 107
Not sure if you're considering A.A. but I work at 8 and go to a meeting every morning before work. There is one in Kearny Mesa at 6:45 and one in Coronado at 5:30.
It's a great way to start your day.
It's a great way to start your day.
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