Justfor1

Well if you folks have been reading my posts you won't be surprised I picked up the bottle. I started drinking beer at 10AM & continued drinking cheap Vodka all day long. The usual happened as it always does. I woke up in the ER the same one I have over 50 admissions in. My wallet and cell phone were gone and I had a bruise on my face. My depression is temporarily relieved when I'm drunk. I know booze is a depressant & makes it worse in the long run but I can't stand the pain. I have been on every type of anti-depressant and nothing really helps. I have survived 2 serious suicide attempts yet here I am. Now people will ask me the hated questions like "what are you going to do differently?, what step were you on?" ect.... The ER didn't even give me my usual 5 day Librium detox. Hopefully, I won't get the DT's again but that usually happens when I drink rubbing alcohol ect.... I need to see a psychiatrist more often then every 8-10weeks. I don't care that I don't have insurance I need extensive help. I really feel that the depression is more dangerous than the alcohol/drugs. I just cant take the emotional pain anymore. It's too much.

CarolD

Perhaps this is the time for you to look into the link Boleo gave you to the long term treatment center?

You said you you were not interested because you had been sober for months. Now that changed
I'll see if I can find it. if not I will PM him.

Impurrfect

(((Justfor1))) - Just wanted you to know I really hope you reach out for the help you need. You deserve it.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

nandm

I wish you the best and do hope you will check into the long term treatment that Boleo suggested. It might be just the thing that will help

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear that J41.

I won't offer any suggestions - from past threads, I think you already know of the pretty good array of options available, and I think you must already know what you could have done to avoid this.

I'm glad you're ok, and back with us

D

Opivotal

Thank you for letting us know how you are Justfor1. I'm sorry your going through such a difficult time. Please get yourself some help. We care about you here at SR!



Best Wishes To You!

Rewired

I have been reading your posts and like you I have relapsed because of depression and anxiety. Did it help no. But when you have depression (which came on before the alcoholism) it is hard to deal with. Just so you know you are not alone. There are many times when I feel I am alone but reading your posts make me realize that I am not. What are you going to different I dare say is a cliche'. The most you can do for yourself is love yourself which is next to darn near impossible. Take baby steps towards making yourself a better person for you. Believe in yourself.

Justfor1

I will take a look at the program CarolID. I honestly believe that unless I get better control over my mental illness I will never get long term sobriety. I have been to rehab 12-15 times. In-patient, out-patient, recovery homes ect... I have truely battled this disease with everything I could. In a way I just want to give up and drink/drug to the end. Like that old movie LeavingLasVegas. The quality of the last 10 years of my life is tragic. People in their younger 30's have careers, houses, cars, are married w kids, can handle life. I can't handle any emotions & I have lost everything. I live with family who just barely tolerate me living there. I feel like I'm in a hole the size of Grand Canyon and cant climb out. I hate myself so much it is frightening.

ZZworldontheweb

Good luck brother.

Boleo

Denver Rescue Mission