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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 28
Newcomer
Hello all,
I have browsed this site numerous times after a bad night of drinking. I would sit in my La-Z-Boy and read all of the posts about black outs and embarrassing incidents, relating to them all, and finding a weird pleasure in knowing I wasn't alone.
I've known alcohol was a problem for me for a long time. From going to a concert in the city and waking up back home with a sealed shut black eye after apparently getting into a fight with my brother and Dad the night before and not remembering a thing. I didn't stop. I've had numerous embarrassing incidents and almost tragic ones. I have amazingly never received a DUI but I do remember driving the wrong way up a ramp off a highway once. Thank God it was in some small hillbilly area and no one else was on the road.
Lately my drinking has been different though. I don't go out and drink on weekends, at least not at night. I prefer to go to a sports bar during the week and get a good buzz around 1-2pm and miss the crowds, then go to a local pub and get more hammered before the crowds come at night. Then I end up going home and passing out. Throughout the drinking I will text people and stuff. I seem to have the wherewithal to delete all of my texts so I don't see them the next day but even if they weren't that bad, when I am hungover and paranoid and anxiety/shame ridden the next day, I imagine the worst anyway. So far it doesn't seem to have affected my relationships (if you can call them that) but that's because I separate myself from everyone I know when I drink.
Yea, the main thing that is different nowadays with my drinking is that I PREFER to do it alone. Well, not alone in my house, but alone at a bar. I will interact with strangers but if it starts to get more crowded I take off. I'm 35 and single and you would think I would want to mingle. But I've always had a hangup about my looks and being a full-time student (working towards 2nd career) at 35 isn't exactly a selling point.
Anyway, I see the road I'm on and I am trying to steer myself straight again. I was thinking about picking up a book called Under the Influence, any thoughts? Oh btw, my last binge was this past Wednesday. No drinks since then but I do love hot wings and beer.
I have browsed this site numerous times after a bad night of drinking. I would sit in my La-Z-Boy and read all of the posts about black outs and embarrassing incidents, relating to them all, and finding a weird pleasure in knowing I wasn't alone.
I've known alcohol was a problem for me for a long time. From going to a concert in the city and waking up back home with a sealed shut black eye after apparently getting into a fight with my brother and Dad the night before and not remembering a thing. I didn't stop. I've had numerous embarrassing incidents and almost tragic ones. I have amazingly never received a DUI but I do remember driving the wrong way up a ramp off a highway once. Thank God it was in some small hillbilly area and no one else was on the road.
Lately my drinking has been different though. I don't go out and drink on weekends, at least not at night. I prefer to go to a sports bar during the week and get a good buzz around 1-2pm and miss the crowds, then go to a local pub and get more hammered before the crowds come at night. Then I end up going home and passing out. Throughout the drinking I will text people and stuff. I seem to have the wherewithal to delete all of my texts so I don't see them the next day but even if they weren't that bad, when I am hungover and paranoid and anxiety/shame ridden the next day, I imagine the worst anyway. So far it doesn't seem to have affected my relationships (if you can call them that) but that's because I separate myself from everyone I know when I drink.
Yea, the main thing that is different nowadays with my drinking is that I PREFER to do it alone. Well, not alone in my house, but alone at a bar. I will interact with strangers but if it starts to get more crowded I take off. I'm 35 and single and you would think I would want to mingle. But I've always had a hangup about my looks and being a full-time student (working towards 2nd career) at 35 isn't exactly a selling point.
Anyway, I see the road I'm on and I am trying to steer myself straight again. I was thinking about picking up a book called Under the Influence, any thoughts? Oh btw, my last binge was this past Wednesday. No drinks since then but I do love hot wings and beer.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi Constable 
Supports very important I think - I needed the support I found here to get through some nights in the early days - I credit SR with helping me turn my life around.
There are of course other suggestions for more face to face support too, and you'll find those here too
I hope you'll find this place useful
Welcome!
D
Supports very important I think - I needed the support I found here to get through some nights in the early days - I credit SR with helping me turn my life around.
There are of course other suggestions for more face to face support too, and you'll find those here too
I hope you'll find this place useful
Welcome!
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Welcome to SR. Sounds like sobriety needs to be a priority in your life right now. I went from social to solitary drinking and it just got worse and so did my life. You say drinking hasn't affected your relationships but then you say you're isolating yourself in and by your drinking. Glad you've been sober since Wednesday, now's a great time to keep it going. How about hotwings and a non-alcoholic beverage? Likes can change if you give them a chance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 28
Thanks guys, there are a couple "bar nights" coming up this month that I am supposed to go to for social/school reasons. I wish I could just skip them but I need to be there for school related reasons and people know I drink so if I become the Diet Coke guy all of the sudden, I'm afraid people will think I'm an alcoholic and that can affect networking for jobs etc... Like, "oh wow, he isn't having a beer or two as usual, maybe he has a problem. Is he just now getting control of it, is he stable, going through recovery?" So now I find myself thinking, "just have one or two beers and leave." What are the odds that happens and I don't just go continue drinking somewhere else by myself?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
You tell me what the odds are. I know other non drinkers and I don't judge them and if someone judges me that's their problem. If your job networking gets screwed up by being sober there's something the matter with the network. If you drink this time what about the next time the situation presents itself and the next. You can't have sobriety and not have it too. It sounds like you're thinking the social "normal" drinking route. You know you best. I wouldn't go there for love, money or networking. I hope you do what's in your best long term interest.
to SR.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Originally Posted by constable80 
Thanks guys, there are a couple "bar nights" coming up this month that I am supposed to go to for social/school reasons. I wish I could just skip them but I need to be there for school related reasons and people know I drink so if I become the Diet Coke guy all of the sudden, I'm afraid people will think I'm an alcoholic and that can affect networking for jobs etc... Like, "oh wow, he isn't having a beer or two as usual, maybe he has a problem. Is he just now getting control of it, is he stable, going through recovery?" So now I find myself thinking, "just have one or two beers and leave." What are the odds that happens and I don't just go continue drinking somewhere else by myself?
Don't be afraid of what other people think. I've realized that most people don't care. Most won't even process it.
Of those that ask, most don't have any agenda behind it. They're making conversation or they're genuinely curious what's going on. Your true friends will reveal themselves.
But be ready with an explanation in case someone asks. Tell them whatever it takes to get through the encounter. I always say, "I'm just going without alcohol for a while to see what it's like, kind of an experiment." For me that was true in the beginning.
Good luck and I hope you stick around.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
"Drinking gives me rotten headaches lately"
"I hate the taste of alcohol"
"On medication for the flu, can't drink"
"Don't enjoy drinking"
"I'm not drinking for Nunya" (Nunya-damned business
) < my personal favorite.
"I have to drive somewhere later, would rather not have booze in my system"
"Training for a <insert sports activity here>"
"Heavy day tomorrow, need a clear head"
e.t.c...
Whatever you need to say, say. Lie through your teeth is my go-to philosophy, if it's necessary to have the pretense that you don't have a problem with alcohol - and that is sometimes the case when it comes to work related issues (whether we like it or not). Anyone presses you might just be doing so out of concern or friendly curiosity.
If you start getting a vibe that they're making it too personal or pressing to hard, simply ask them why they feel it's necessary to do so, because their intentions become questionable at that point. Why you choose not to is seriously nobody's business, and when they make it too much their business it's usually because they need a drinking buddy to offset their own antics, and/or that you are being a buzz kill and hurting their own chances to get off their face. Plenty of closet alkies who need the validity of complicity before they're comfortable boozing, even though boozing is all they really want to do. Either way that kind of attitude has nothing to do with you, it's their own issue with alcohol.
BTW, welcome.
"I hate the taste of alcohol"
"On medication for the flu, can't drink"
"Don't enjoy drinking"
"I'm not drinking for Nunya" (Nunya-damned business
) < my personal favorite. "I have to drive somewhere later, would rather not have booze in my system"
"Training for a <insert sports activity here>"
"Heavy day tomorrow, need a clear head"
e.t.c...
Whatever you need to say, say. Lie through your teeth is my go-to philosophy, if it's necessary to have the pretense that you don't have a problem with alcohol - and that is sometimes the case when it comes to work related issues (whether we like it or not). Anyone presses you might just be doing so out of concern or friendly curiosity.
If you start getting a vibe that they're making it too personal or pressing to hard, simply ask them why they feel it's necessary to do so, because their intentions become questionable at that point. Why you choose not to is seriously nobody's business, and when they make it too much their business it's usually because they need a drinking buddy to offset their own antics, and/or that you are being a buzz kill and hurting their own chances to get off their face. Plenty of closet alkies who need the validity of complicity before they're comfortable boozing, even though boozing is all they really want to do. Either way that kind of attitude has nothing to do with you, it's their own issue with alcohol.
BTW, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi, constable, welcome to SR! You're getting lots of good advice. I totally relate: I gradually went from a social drinker to an isolated one.
Well, if you're anything like me, the odds are pretty slim. I'm really grateful to be free of that—to go where I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want, instead of having everything revolve around booze. Hope you get as much out of SR as I have.
So now I find myself thinking, "just have one or two beers and leave." What are the odds that happens and I don't just go continue drinking somewhere else by myself?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble
Hi, constable, welcome to SR! You're getting lots of good advice. I totally relate: I gradually went from a social drinker to an isolated one.
Well, if you're anything like me, the odds are pretty slim. I'm really grateful to be free of that—to go where I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want, instead of having everything revolve around booze. Hope you get as much out of SR as I have.
Well, if you're anything like me, the odds are pretty slim. I'm really grateful to be free of that—to go where I want, whenever I want, with whomever I want, instead of having everything revolve around booze. Hope you get as much out of SR as I have.
Being able to admit and fully realize that we're just not capable of drinking like normal people is incredibly important for alcoholics, and it can actually be quite liberating as well, if kept in context.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum, constable! I agree with what the others have said - if someone is judging you by whether or not you're drinking, chances are they have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, too.
And remember - it's your life and not theirs. Getting sober is a major, positive step, and something to be proud of.
Stick around and keep posting/reading - having support makes all the difference!
And remember - it's your life and not theirs. Getting sober is a major, positive step, and something to be proud of.
Stick around and keep posting/reading - having support makes all the difference!
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
the main thing that is different nowadays with my drinking is that I PREFER to do it alone. Well, not alone in my house, but alone at a bar.
Alcoholism is progressive. I expect that it won't be long before you are drinking at home alone, watching ESPN. That will become your new "sports bar." It's more convenient and less expensive.
Alcoholism is progressive. I expect that it won't be long before you are drinking at home alone, watching ESPN. That will become your new "sports bar." It's more convenient and less expensive.
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