DavidR7845

Hi everyone. I quit drinking on the 8th of July, and now, exactly five weeks later, I am suddenly tempted to drink. A strange set of circumstances led up to my last relapse. Basically I went on a short binge and spent two days in rehab detoxing, followed by an extended stay abroad living with my parentls until february. During that time, all I did was sit around and go to AA meetings. I was terrified of relapse, and was convinced that when I returned to the UK, I could be back drinking. When I was over abroad, my parents agreed they would pay for me to go to uni in Australia to allow me to emmigrate there permanently and get a well paid job. My motivation had never been higher as I had so much to lose by relapse. They coerced me into seeing a psychiatrist, something I would never have done had it not been due to said emmigration. It was pretty much used as leverage. I was then prescribed seroquel to help me sleep. A very high dose, 400 mg all in one go. I have no history of mental illness, and should not have been on this anti psychotic. I became depressed and couldnt think straight. Around april I stopped the drugs cold turkey, which was nasty. Two days later I discovered the university offer was a total lie, but I was trapped in my lease couldnt work full time or pay my rent due to colege. I had constant threats about money placed on me. Now my motivation was taken away, I started drinking socially, with no problems. This lasted three months until more financial problems and threats were put forward. I still had another month of my lease. I lost the plot and went on a massive bender and once again, ended up abroad, where I was prescribed Xanax. I became hooked and suffered horrible withdrawal. I was tapered off using librium by my UK doctor. Now I feel in a contant black mood which has struck out of nowhere. I am tempted to drink again. this has happend before, the exact five week period. Has anyone else experienced sticking points like these?? I know if I drink again problems will occur

newwings

Hey David. Congrats on kicking quite a few nasties in the past few months. You've done a great job on that.

I'm not surprised you are in a black mood. I get the feeling that a lot of people are invested in your sobriety, so there's a lot of pressure there. You had motivations to stay sober, but they were imposed by others and not yourself. Traditional carrot and stick technique, which whilst it works short term, it's not an internal motivation and so is easy to have taken away by others.

What would YOU like to do? I ask that, because it's your sobriety at risk, not anyone else's. You know that by drinking, you are going to stay stuck where you are right now, so that's one thing that needs to be set and solid. Are you doing a recovery plan or anything other than SR?

Froglet

You need to focus and be real about yourself. What do you want to accomplish, where you want to go and be in line w/ reality.

DavidR7845

Hi, thanks for that. I'm not sure others have been invested in my sobriety at all. My parents paid a lot for me to go into rehab that first time then when I got out I quickly discovered they expected me to relapse. I cant understand how they would have spent all that money expecting failure?? The psychiatrist I saw reckoned they wanted me to relapse so they could back out of the uni offer and see me settled in the UK. She also reckoned they wanted to carry on "supporting" me by giving me money etc and steering me away from jobs that paid too well, control and so on. Six months of my life was wiped out because of lies. If I relapse I wont stay where I am I will probaly lose all contact with them because I'm not prepared to go through it all again.

I would like to stay sober to get away from this sick manipulative pattern and just hope my mood improves. I feel negative about everything, especially the lack of career or money and have some hang ups about my looks as well. I feel agressive much of the time and often smash various things and am shocked at the lack of force used to destroy things. My relationship with my flatmate has gone from perfect to probaly poor after my dad phoned me up with one of his abusive phone calls and it was first thing in the morning and I wasnt thinking straight and lost my temper and now she overheard the whole thing about psychiatrists alcohol and drugs etc. dire.

artsoul

Sorry to hear things haven't worked out the way you thought they would. It sounds like it's been a rough couple of months for you.

It's tempting to go back to our old "solution," but when we do we're just taking away the one thing (sobriety) that we need to face our problems. I had a pattern of drinking/sobriety too. I got to almost 4 years of sobriety twice and relapsed. I got away from recovery and was doing everything on my own.

Are you still seeing a psychiatrist? I've suffered from depression off and on since I was 18, so keeping things in balance is really important for me. I still have those days when things seem negative, though...... I find that it really helps to make a gratitude list. I have problems in my life, but I have enough to eat today, a roof over my head, and my children are healthy........

Remember to take it one day at a time and that you don't have to act on your emotions. I really do hope things get better for you.:ghug3

tooling

I know it's tough. But the best way to think of it might be this.

Just be okay doing nothing staring at a wall on Friday night. It sucks but that wall needs looked at.

Saturday night maybe get a picture and put it on the wall so you have something to look at.

And each weekend add something else to the wall to keep you interested in staring at this wall. This is pretty much how getting sober is. You have to build your new life slowly even though it feels hopeless and more boring than you even known.

If I could withstand boredom you can to. You should see my wall!! I have a ton of fun things on it now. But I am still building it myself because it always needs a little work.

Froglet

Keep this in mind. Parenthood is just like anything else, it's something that is not perfect. They make mistakes too, they can be at fault, just like you yourself. You need to stop thinking about how they were lies when in fact they were there to support you. They probably felt like you would relapse because THEY KNOW YOU. It isn't because they want you to fall, they just want to cover the bases because they know IT IS NOT EASY...

To say the least, you are extremely fortunate, and perhaps it is why the fall out came to be. You are totally mis-interpreting your parent's intentions, and I do not understand why your psychiatrist would do something to breed you and your parents away from each other.

Have you really sat down face to face w/ your parents w/o agenda to discuss your feelings? I think you should. I think you should capitulate and tell them you need help and be in line with what you want to do.

Going into rehab and fighting a habit DOES NOT HAPPEN OVERNIGHT, if that were the case, we wouldn't have repeats, and relapses to begin with. It takes time, and your parents are more than able to support you as you've said. Think about it for others who want to thelp their kid but can't.

I think you know what to do. Good luck .