If you could go back and do it all over...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 119
If you could go back and do it all over...
If you could go back and do it all over, would you have taken your first drink knowing what you now know?
My early days of drinking and drugs, before it became a problem, were pretty good. I had experiences that never would have happened sober. I'm on Day 43 and am reflecting on my drinking days. Was it worth it? I think about all the things in my life that never would have happened without alcohol/drugs. I would have never come out of my shell, I would have been a loner for life, I'd still be a bookworm with no social skills, I would never have had girlfriends or sex, I'd be a virgin today with absolutely no prospects. For me it was worth it.
I'm not trying to glorify drinking here. Obviously it's not a good tradeoff for many people. It can ruin your health or kill you. I'm just saying that my thinking on Day 43 is that I have no regrets. I would be worse off today if I had never drank. Yes, even given the pain I had to endure in the worst years.
That's just me though. I'd like to hear how others feel.
My early days of drinking and drugs, before it became a problem, were pretty good. I had experiences that never would have happened sober. I'm on Day 43 and am reflecting on my drinking days. Was it worth it? I think about all the things in my life that never would have happened without alcohol/drugs. I would have never come out of my shell, I would have been a loner for life, I'd still be a bookworm with no social skills, I would never have had girlfriends or sex, I'd be a virgin today with absolutely no prospects. For me it was worth it.
I'm not trying to glorify drinking here. Obviously it's not a good tradeoff for many people. It can ruin your health or kill you. I'm just saying that my thinking on Day 43 is that I have no regrets. I would be worse off today if I had never drank. Yes, even given the pain I had to endure in the worst years.
That's just me though. I'd like to hear how others feel.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Of course ... I have a few regrets, but just because I got addicted does not invalidate all the wonderful and awesome experience and times I have had.
Would I have done some things differently.... Oh hell yes.
I do not shut the door on my past, all of it.
Would I have done some things differently.... Oh hell yes.
I do not shut the door on my past, all of it.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
If I could go back in time, in some kind of time-machine, and talk to myself as a teen, just before I started drinking. I would not say "Don't drink". I would say "Enjoy it while you can, it won't last forever".
The first 10 years alcohol was great for me. The second 10 years I had mixed results. The third 10 years it was all down-hill. I would not trade those first 10 years for the extra sobriety. Who knows, maybe I would not have made through those years without alcohol.
"I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it"
The first 10 years alcohol was great for me. The second 10 years I had mixed results. The third 10 years it was all down-hill. I would not trade those first 10 years for the extra sobriety. Who knows, maybe I would not have made through those years without alcohol.
"I do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it"
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
For me yes, if I had to do it all over again I think I would have stayed away from it and not gone down the twisting roads that alcohol took me down. I would have spared the hurt that I caused my family and the harm to my body.
Does that mean I never had any fun while drinking? No, of course not. Heck I would have never gotten up to do kareoke for the first time without some courage LOL! But honestly, there is very little that I have done drunk that I haven't done sober as well and at least sober I could always remember it. Besides, (and I speak for me alone), that line of thinking for me would be romancing the drink. I refuse to do anything that may jeopardize my sobriety so I don't really engage in it.
I agree with Mark though. I don't wish to forget the past or close the door on it. Not if it is helpful to others.
Kellye C.
Does that mean I never had any fun while drinking? No, of course not. Heck I would have never gotten up to do kareoke for the first time without some courage LOL! But honestly, there is very little that I have done drunk that I haven't done sober as well and at least sober I could always remember it. Besides, (and I speak for me alone), that line of thinking for me would be romancing the drink. I refuse to do anything that may jeopardize my sobriety so I don't really engage in it.
I agree with Mark though. I don't wish to forget the past or close the door on it. Not if it is helpful to others.
Kellye C.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: in this vessel
Posts: 304
No. I would not have taken that first drink. Not sure that alcohol did much more than rob me of a few years and taint the trust some people had in me. But I can't. Well, actually, I do have more tolerance for people who struggle with addiction. Idk. No regrets. What's the point. All I have is today and so far so good
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
I wouldn't even go there regarding the past. As Krishnamuti states "Memory is incomplete experience" What I remember of the drinking days are just as mutated by time and circumstance as any other memories of the old times. My focus is now and how I can best live in it. I don't give much credance to the future either. I'm pretty darn content at the moment, however. Why worry about what I'd have done differently or not?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm very happy with my life now - and I recognise that everything that's ever happened to me, good and bad, has bought me here to this point...
I've made my choices.
Drinking was not a good one - but I made good on it eventually.
I can live with that now
D
I've made my choices.
Drinking was not a good one - but I made good on it eventually.
I can live with that now
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by abc 
If you could go back and do it all over, would you have taken your first drink knowing what you now know?
My early days of drinking and drugs, before it became a problem, were pretty good. I had experiences that never would have happened sober. I'm on Day 43 and am reflecting on my drinking days. Was it worth it? I think about all the things in my life that never would have happened without alcohol/drugs. I would have never come out of my shell, I would have been a loner for life, I'd still be a bookworm with no social skills, I would never have had girlfriends or sex, I'd be a virgin today with absolutely no prospects. For me it was worth it.
I'm not trying to glorify drinking here. Obviously it's not a good tradeoff for many people. It can ruin your health or kill you. I'm just saying that my thinking on Day 43 is that I have no regrets. I would be worse off today if I had never drank. Yes, even given the pain I had to endure in the worst years.
That's just me though. I'd like to hear how others feel.
My early days of drinking and drugs, before it became a problem, were pretty good. I had experiences that never would have happened sober. I'm on Day 43 and am reflecting on my drinking days. Was it worth it? I think about all the things in my life that never would have happened without alcohol/drugs. I would have never come out of my shell, I would have been a loner for life, I'd still be a bookworm with no social skills, I would never have had girlfriends or sex, I'd be a virgin today with absolutely no prospects. For me it was worth it.
I'm not trying to glorify drinking here. Obviously it's not a good tradeoff for many people. It can ruin your health or kill you. I'm just saying that my thinking on Day 43 is that I have no regrets. I would be worse off today if I had never drank. Yes, even given the pain I had to endure in the worst years.
That's just me though. I'd like to hear how others feel.
Alcohol and pot did bring me out of my shell somewhat, initially, but they really drove me back down and kept me from having meaningful relationships. I'm still a virgin, but have mostly made peace with that, and am now in a position where I'm open to a relationship and women are starting to express an interest. The biggest benefit I can see from my addiction was that I have a better understanding of the nature of suffering and the nature of addiction and I'm a more interesting person, so for that I am grateful. But the downsides of hurting myself, hurting others and generally slowing my personal development far outweighed the good.
I would caution you to be mindful of such thoughts at day 43 because that can be your addictive mind's way of trying to con you back into drinking again by telling you, "Well drinking did get you this..." It's very sneaky and works on me still today. Whenever it pops up I just remind myself of why I quit in the first place and what would happen if I started drinking again. But the fact that you can say you have no regrets at day 43 means you're doing something right so good work.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 92
The buzz gave me a creative state of mind in the first few years and if I look back, I don't have any regret taking that first drink, back in those days.
The last 2 years of my alcoholism didn't brought me anywhere and I was just sitting in my chair, drinking without experiencing any kind of high. It was also the period where I realized I seriously had a problem with alcohol. Those years maybe kind of condemnable, but also brought me a new insight to myself and my problem with alcohol. The feeling of regret doesn't feel good to me, so I try to keep the positive parts with me. It happened in that time, nothing to change about that fact.
The last 2 years of my alcoholism didn't brought me anywhere and I was just sitting in my chair, drinking without experiencing any kind of high. It was also the period where I realized I seriously had a problem with alcohol. Those years maybe kind of condemnable, but also brought me a new insight to myself and my problem with alcohol. The feeling of regret doesn't feel good to me, so I try to keep the positive parts with me. It happened in that time, nothing to change about that fact.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
The past had its place and I would keep it just the way it was. Had a lot of fun, did some damage from which I learned lessons I may not have learned any other way. I would not change the last 12 sober years either.
IMPORTANT: I would not go BACK to drinking. It was then this is now.
Every day is a new beginning and should be treated as such in my opinion.
Jon
IMPORTANT: I would not go BACK to drinking. It was then this is now.
Every day is a new beginning and should be treated as such in my opinion.
Jon
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
My philosophy on this is... since we can't go back, it's an odd question for me. Totally illogical. But hypothetically... maybe. I'm sure there are many things I'd do differently, some risks I'd like to go back and take. I had many opportunities.
My current viewpoint or philosophy is inspired by Zen & Buddhism. I think we are at the perfect place in the present. We are experiencing the culmination of all we've done up until now. And we are learning the karmic lessons associated with our behaviors, past and present.
I'm very much about the present and what I can do now... and also the goals I can plan for and strive for now... to create my future. Or to just experience my future.
And as for taking that first drink... there's no doubt in my mind I'd have taken another "first drink" had I not taken the one I did, no doubt whatsoever.
My current viewpoint or philosophy is inspired by Zen & Buddhism. I think we are at the perfect place in the present. We are experiencing the culmination of all we've done up until now. And we are learning the karmic lessons associated with our behaviors, past and present.
I'm very much about the present and what I can do now... and also the goals I can plan for and strive for now... to create my future. Or to just experience my future.
And as for taking that first drink... there's no doubt in my mind I'd have taken another "first drink" had I not taken the one I did
, no doubt whatsoever.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 119
ClayTheScribe, thanks but don't worry, I'm not even entertaining the fantasy that I can drink now. That is simply not an option for me. I just think it was ok, and in fact, beneficial, that I did in the past. I agree the addictive voice is sneaky like that. But he's also so transparent.
Seems like lots of people said basically "why do you wanna look back on that?", but I do that all the time. I have to overanalyze everything and come to all kinds of dumb conclusions in my head. This is part of why I drank, to shut all that off. And now it's back. The clarity of thought in sobriety is really remarkable. Kinda scary actually.
Seems like lots of people said basically "why do you wanna look back on that?", but I do that all the time. I have to overanalyze everything and come to all kinds of dumb conclusions in my head. This is part of why I drank, to shut all that off. And now it's back. The clarity of thought in sobriety is really remarkable. Kinda scary actually.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,921
If you could go back and do it all over, would you have taken your first drink knowing what you now know?
No.
But if I could go back in time and do things over with the knowledge I have now I would do a lot of things different. And I would always win my bet on the Super Bowl winner.
No.
But if I could go back in time and do things over with the knowledge I have now I would do a lot of things different. And I would always win my bet on the Super Bowl winner.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I had some good years drinking......many actually. Had a lot of great laughs, good times, you name it. You'll never hear me say "My best day drinking wasn't as good as my worst day sober."
Sure, there are things I wish I hadn't done but, like Dee said...... were it not for all those bad experiences I wouldn't have ever done what I did in recovery. I truly had to be forced into it. So, I wouldn't be where I am now without all those bad things. They were, basically, a very necessary evil that led to much bigger and better days.
Sure, there are things I wish I hadn't done but, like Dee said...... were it not for all those bad experiences I wouldn't have ever done what I did in recovery. I truly had to be forced into it. So, I wouldn't be where I am now without all those bad things. They were, basically, a very necessary evil that led to much bigger and better days.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Originally Posted by abc
ClayTheScribe, thanks but don't worry, I'm not even entertaining the fantasy that I can drink now. That is simply not an option for me. I just think it was ok, and in fact, beneficial, that I did in the past. I agree the addictive voice is sneaky like that. But he's also so transparent.
Seems like lots of people said basically "why do you wanna look back on that?", but I do that all the time. I have to overanalyze everything and come to all kinds of dumb conclusions in my head. This is part of why I drank, to shut all that off. And now it's back. The clarity of thought in sobriety is really remarkable. Kinda scary actually.
Seems like lots of people said basically "why do you wanna look back on that?", but I do that all the time. I have to overanalyze everything and come to all kinds of dumb conclusions in my head. This is part of why I drank, to shut all that off. And now it's back. The clarity of thought in sobriety is really remarkable. Kinda scary actually.
I'm also into Buddhism and try to focus on the now and all too often fail, but just bring myself back to the present. I guess it takes practice. However, in my recovery I've been doing mindfulness techniques to keep me sober before I even called myself a Buddhist.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by abc
.....lots of people said basically "why do you wanna look back on that?", but I do that all the time. I have to overanalyze everything and come to all kinds of dumb conclusions in my head. This is part of why I drank, to shut all that off. And now it's back.
In AA we do a 4th step - searching and fearless moral inventory. I haaaaaaaaaaated doing my first one. Saw no benefit in it. Hated writing it out. Felt it just was "living in the past" and that the only thing it continually did was make me want to go back out....
In time though, I've come to love the inventory process. It's the only way I really get to know me. See, I think I know me but I've got a long history of lying to myself......and believing the lies. Going through the inventory process and getting input from ppl more experienced me with inventory.....it's just the best way I've found to really see what I do, how I operate, and see how I'm likely to think/operate in the future. It gives me some awesome things to start working on because, as we all know, not all those defects WILL get removed. Many of them we have to be content with continual and patient improvement. .....so it's nice to know WTF it is I need to be working to improve.
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