Justfor1

I feel as if I have recently started to slide in my recovery. I'm back to very non healthy behaviors. I complain about not having money & no job yet I'm gambling excessively. I spent the day at a casino & upon leaving (after a big loss) I felt like I had just come off a week long bender. I'm also thinking very negatively about my future. I honestly did not think I would survive my addiction and I subsequently lived every day like it was my last. It's a shame that I will face the consequences of those actions for the rest of my life. The city is currently seeking to sue me for various drunken citations (public drinking, urinating ect...) I was briefly homeless so I managed quite a few of these "tickets". I will have to file bankruptcy, seek record expungement, take medication ect... in the future. The famous thought of mine has been coming up, "if this is life sober, why bother saying sober?" My eating & sleeping patterns have been changing also which is telling me that a alcohol/drug bender is on the way into my life. I don't think I am able to control my drinking anymore, I simply don't care and that's very dangerous.

MycoolFitz

I'm sorry for all that but it sounds like it may be sober life but not recovery living. Engaging in an unhealthy life style, feeling negative and down, worried about the future, etc. even with not actively drinking, isn't much for you to look forward to. I think its important to begin the healing process for all of you--physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. I know people who have stayed sober for years but spend their time in misery and bitterness and that's a shame. If you see relapse coming up don't set yourself up for it. What resources support can you draw upon to help you get it together?--AA, friends, family, professionals, ER, anything to help you get it together piece by piece. Remember getting sober opens the door to changing your life in positive and healthy ways, it is not an end in itself. All my best hopes to you and for you.

PaperDolls

What will you do for your recovery today?
Time to make some positive changes in your life.

Mark75

stay the hell out of casinos, at least for now... that whole gambling thing works in the same part of the brain as drinking and all... dopamine...

I don't know where you are at with AA, how you feel about it, but they have a program to deal with a lot of that. Plus you get to be around people with experience with this. They can help keep you accountable until you can do it on your own.



Edit... Good insight on the whole relapse thing, BTW... Now do something about it!!

Englishrose70

Justfor1 I am not placed at all to offer advice as I have no experience of this but I have heard that it is common to replace one addiction with another.

My thoughts and prayers are that you get back on the road to full "holistic" recovery soon and there will be many here who can offer you the practical help and advice you seek.

Boleo

You sound like a good candidate for the free year long recovery mission/farm I attended in Colorado. I hated it at first but grew to like it more and more as I adapted. I have not had a drink since.

They had bankruptcy and legal consoling, as well as church connections and job contacts:

Denver Rescue Mission

sugarbear1

Sounds like alcoholism to me.

sugarbear1

Or untreated alcoholsm. Try a program of recovery in person.

endlesspatience

Casinos are created to be environments to encourage as much as addiction as possible. I completely understand the sinking feeling you get after acting out on other behaviours at times when you are sober from alcohol. The fact that they give you hangover effects is actually good. It serves as a reminder that you are becoming aware of the choices available to you and the consequences of your actions. What choices are open to you now and what are the consequences they carry?

CarolD

I agree with boleo ....tho I've not attended such...I've shared often with you that I think it's a very good idea....

As you are not working...you are not living on your own....you are distressed....this would be an ideal time...IMO

Justfor1

Why would I need to go to a recovery program if I've been alcohol & drug free since the beginning of the year? Granted my behavior hasn't been the best but being a dry drunk is still a bit better than being a wet drunk. I also chair a meeting still that I still seem to enjoy. I am actually considering checking out a GA meeting for the gambling. I remember as a young kid going with my family to the dog races and having them place bets for me. Even at a early age I craved that kind of action. I am getting my criminal record from the police station next week and am going to begin an earnest job search. I don't think I can apply to retail jobs because of a theft charge I may or may not have been convicted of.

topspin

Justfor1,

I got involved with gambling "thru the back door" ...so to speak.

In a statistics and probabilities class, our instructor gambled "for entertainment" (as he described it) once a year in Vegas. Learning the mathematical probabilities for the casino games & poker games never helped me liking any of those odds; ....since (early on, ) I just HATED to lose money.

Back in the early 90's when Day Trading the market was the craze, I eventually developed a devestating gambling compulsion.
Deluding myself ;...... calling it "investing" .

thankful all that's behind me, but I really think you may have a great idea about the GA. It's an important behavior to address, because of how it can really, really mess with your head.

It sure did mine, anyway.


prayers your way,