FetaCheese

I've had a very stressful week... Finding it so hard to wake up and get to work. Somehow I make it on time and get through the day but the urge to drink is always there and I can't shake it. Had a beer today after work and the sad thing is it gave me relief Fortunately it was just one but I feel awful about it. I want another one. I am so depressed honestly... I can't handle the break up I went through a few weeks ago and my mind is deteriorating every day. I think about him all the time but I know hes never coming back because he cheated on me and left like I am worth nothing. I think of what it would be like to just disappear and never be heard from again because I feel so worthless. I've been looking up psychiatrists in the area, theyre all too expensive.. Been looking on the internet everywhere for how I can get help but finding nothing. Its hard to get help with my work schedule too. I don't know what options there are for me. The alcohol counseling centre here runs on the same work hours I have and theres no way for me to get in there. Feeling so hopeless and confused. I am so afraid of the weekend coming up, I don't want to break down and buy that bottle of wine I am craving. I am so lost.

24hrsAday

A.A. can help you Feta..

Opivotal

Believe it or not, we do make it through these tough times. It seems hopeless right now,but it isn't. Don't let someone else define your self worth. It's his loss, not yours FetaCheese.

That bottle of wine will do nothing but make you feel worse. A lot worse. Keep your head up and start a new life. A sober life. You will feel so much better about yourself. You can do this!! This time next year...your boyfriend will be just a bad memory.

Keep trying to find someone to talk to. Your worth it!!!


:ghug3

Best Wishes To You!

DayTrader

I'll throw a "guaranteed" stamp on there....but it comes with an asterisk.


*AA's no magic wand. YOU've got your end of the bargain to keep up. Sadly, this is where everyone I've seen wash out has come up short....they just couldn't or wouldn't do X, or Y, or Z.

There are plenty of options out there but, for now, no magic "anti-alcoholic pill." You're going to haaaave to do something.......you'll have to play a part in it.

Luckily for you though, there are probably tens of thousands of folks who've found happy, productive, rewarding, enjoyable, successful and serene lives in sobriety and they didn't and still don't have half the tools you've probably already got.

Heh.....that was a big motivator to me, early on. I mean, I'd look at "those dip-$hits" at the meetings and I figured if THOSE dopes could do it, a genius like me should have no problem. My ego cost me dearly......but that's another story........and it seems like it's getting more right-sized day by day.

eJoshua

Hi Feta --

I'm sorry things have been so rough for you. Having one drink doesn't have to lead to having another. Try to get up the courage to check out a meeting. I am sure that being able to talk to others will help you feel better. I'm also sure that another drink won't, in the long run.

I know you have been feeling pretty isolated. Have you managed to find/think of anyone that would go to a meeting with you? I found that it helped a lot early on to have someone commit to going with me.

JimE

Hi Feta, breakups are hard. Those used to fuel me for benders and of course, the drinking didn't help matters. When I was getting started in recovery and hadn't tried AA yet I saw a therapist for one on one therapy. I was dry for a few months and feeling depressed so she set up an appt. with a psychiatrist at the clinic there. The shrink told me he wouldn't diagnosis me until I was at least 6 months sober because before then he wouldn't be able to tell if my depression was alcohol related or something medication could address.

Maybe you could give AA a try?

SindyLuhu

DayTrader--The ego is a killer. Took me a long time to realize that my ego was preventing me from being the person I really want to be. I am by no means there by a long shot...but being aware that my ego is as poisonous as the wine is a good start. Thanks for bringing that to attention!

Feta Cheese--Even if you don't believe in all that AA has to offer, if you can find a woman's group you will find a lot of wonderful, supportive people. Best of all, it's free. It may be a start to help you get yourself back on your feet. It's hard to see people in pain. I really wish you well in this.

DayTrader

Having an ego is fine, good, and healthy.... having a grossly inflated, disjointed, overly productive and toxic ego like I've had for most of my life....that's a different story.

We're supposed to have an ego.....just one that's proportional to reality.

sugarbear1

The ego rebuilds itself.

CarolD

Feta....

It's my expereince and observation that not all loves are forever.
And a toxic relationship is simply not going to improve your life.

Certainly it hurts when betrayal happens...our dreams are shattered

However don't let this guy deter you from moving into a better sober future.

You deserve better than a lying cheat ....

Symmetry

Please help! There's a beautiful saying about what if a tree took time to mourn every leaf it lost...How does that go?

FetaCheese

Thank you everybody for your helpful messages... I really appreciate it. Still not doing too well here. I was already drinking a lot before the break up, but for some reason I was happy despite going overboard all the time. It wasn't until after the break up that I doubled the drinks to numb myself and realized I have a problem. Thing is I have no idea how to fix it and how to change my life. I don't know how to get a social life other than dating and partying and neither seem to be very fulfilling.