ZZworldontheweb

Brother, you can do and be anything you want. 90% of who you are is how you act. It has almost nothing to do with surroundings, or wealth, or anybody's opinion of you. If you act in a good and honorable way, you will know it and God will know it. And that's a pretty good audience.

Scrubmuncher

Thankyou all, some kind and helpful words there.
Although, things have taken an even worse step now. Me and my girl had a physical fight infront of our daughter, she pushes the buttons when she knows I'm drunk, sometimes I think she wants me to hurt her, I always refrain from punching her though, I have enough control of that. It usually consists of my grabbing her throat to prevent her from punching my face. I have asked her to go back and live with her mother on several occasions. I would love to go back to the UK to get through this with professional help, but here where I am there is little to no assistance at all in this. I can't get home to the UK as I hav no money, no way I could find the airfare back. Anyway, after all the drama with her, I smashed the kitchen up, the neighbours heard all the calamity, obviously I'm to blame as I'm the one they know to be drunk most days. And so to punish myself I get even further drunk, walked into a bar I've never been in before, looked for the most dangerous looking guy in there and went about my way of antagonizing him to a point of beating the crap out of me. This didn't happen ad the bouncers simply picked me up and threw my out of the door like a rag doll, so I'm covered in cuts and grazes now, no doubt with am enemy I know nothing about and who I have no clue what he looks like, that in itself is dangerous where I live, the murder rate here is pretty serious, and everyone carries guns and uses them, who knows, maybe that is my fate. But god I would love a ticket out of here to some place safe and able to help myself, a hospital, a clinic, whatever.

CarolD

Since drinking is getting you in all sorts of trouble...please go to a local AA meeting and ask for help to stop....

Scrubmuncher

There is no AA here, I live in a tiny village in the hills of Dominican Republic, barely a hospital never mind AA

yogaisland

I wonder if the British Embassy could help you? I'm sure there is one in Santo Domingo but I don't know if you have a way to get to the capital. It might be worth a shot. "Like, I'm sick, I need to get home and get treatment." I've only ever heard of that happening with people who have cancer and their embassy helps them get home, but alcoholism is just as deadly as cancer, in my opinion!

CarolD

Hmm....SM...
Ok....perhaps this would work to your benefit..I sure hope so....

http://www.smartrecovery.org/

I was already successfully AA sober when it was founded...but I do think it is interesting.
I would have tried that had AA not worked for me.

Wishing the 3 of you peace and contentment....

freestater

Man, the darker the evening, the brighter the horizon. Don't give up! Soldier on and things will get better. The world moves on and like it or not we move with it. Things may seem impossible right now, but we're all here right beside you and on your side the whole way!

Don't give up sir, the future is on the horizon! best of luck. Keep the fires burning

Peter G

I'm no one to pull punches Scrub, so I'll use that statement to qualify what I'm about to say.

Here's the thing. What in blue hell else do you need to see before getting sober becomes an option for you? You've gone from a few suicidally inclined posts to telling us that you're now getting drunk and being physically abusive to your wife - along with going out to initiate fights with random knuckleheads who might end up laying for you somewhere down the road. Jesus man. All in a country you don't come from, with a notorious crime rate and gun problem? Hmm, I'm thinking all of the above should say a lot about how continuing to drink is NOT currently helping you out.

Dude, you're in the middle of a train wreck right now, and you're the one controlling the speed and direction. Let me just let you in on this secret; If you want to die from drinking, it doesn't have to happen from liver disease. Things like you've just told us are excellent secondary methods booze kills alcoholics. Keep traveling down this road mate and you're bound to come up against one of the many other ways alcoholism can end you. Setting this $h!te in motion while you're intoxicated means only this: on that brief sober moment you might finally say "I don't want this anymore" but by then it really will be too frikin late as someone you've pi$$ed off decides to pay you a visit. Get bloody real man.

You talk about needing support? Here's another secret. Support exists no matter where you are in the world. I have found no face to face AA program to speak of where I'm at, so I got an online sponsor and do my step work via skype. How did I manage that? I took action and asked, I looked, I made the effort. I made friends here at SR and they help me get and stay sober, and only because it's support I accept, want, and actively pursue. I go to online skype AA meetings with other folks in areas just as remote as yours, who also can't get face to face support. But I'll be damned if they'd help me accomplish anything if I was still in the middle of my own personal $h!tstorm. The only thing I can expect from anyone - as long as I'm still tanking my life? "If you're boozing doesn't kill you this time, call us when you're ready to stop drinking." And that's all I could expect.

You have to come inside first to get warm and dry amigo. Staying out in the weather and then complaining about the rain is bloody useless.

Sure online sponsorship is not optimal, but it keeps me sober. Fact is you have as much support available as you need, but only when you're ready to truly seek it out. Pursue it or wallow in this dis-ease. And wallow you are bro, make no mistake about it. You said you "wish" you could get support? Wish in one hand and take a crap in the other Scrub, you've two substances of identical value in both hands. You say you wish you could leave, yet you're only action to that effect is to get drunk, mess with your wife, and pick fights? Wish in one hand dude.

Your call mate, and so far you're making the wrong call. Support won't ever have the ability to pick up a man who'd rather fall down than stand. You need to take initial steps your damned self to get the hell out of this funk before any support system will have any ability to help you further your goals. The effort needs to come from you first. Full frikin stop.

What's the point of looking in the mirror and hating yourself when the reason you're screwing up is simply because you drink? Might as well look in that mirror, smile and dance a jig, because it really makes no bloody difference. How you feel about the things you are doing drunk makes no difference to WHY you are doing them. You're sick with alcoholism, which means that conflict resolution/support/respite for you is drinking. And that is textbook alcoholism. When the thing that is causing you problems becomes your only solution to those problems, it is self delusional, perverted, active alcoholism. That's the "why" of what you're currently doing, and no amount of internalizing and self loathing will help you fix any of that.

Let all this crap you've done to yourself and others go, at least long enough to pursue and utilize the bloody help that IS out here. You don't have to live like this one second longer. Take the first step.

This might read as harsh, sure. But I wouldn't say this if you didn't remind me of myself at one point. Get real with yourself mate, shake your head clear for a second and say enough is enough.

eJoshua

Well said.

It's so easy for us to find excuses when everyone else has the problem and we can't own up to our issues...

I feel sorry for you Scrubmuncher, because I've been there, but you have to realize that you have the ability to choose to seek help. There's nothing stopping you.

Best of luck