alcoholic outcast?
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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alcoholic outcast?
I went to a bachelor party this weekend for the first time in my life sober. It was strange to watch how drunk and stupid everybody acted. I felt like the outcast and really didn't enjoy myself at all. The irony is I was dead sober and I was considered by some the outcast and labeled as an alcoholic. First time since I stopped drinking 7 months ago I was labeled an alcoholic which made me start thinking how socially acceptable drinking is. I am the one that has given up drinking poison but yet I am called the alcoholic. Even the people that just drink one or two it’s still not healthy for anybody. Why is it so acceptable?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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I never enjoy being around people drinking to excess and, right or wrong, I think bachelor parties are generally about excess even for some normal drinkers, doublecheck....
If these people are giving you a hard time, I'd look for new people to be with
As far as alcohol and drinking goes, I still maintain I was the problem, not alcohol.
What other folks do, even if it's stupid, is none of my business
D
If these people are giving you a hard time, I'd look for new people to be with
As far as alcohol and drinking goes, I still maintain I was the problem, not alcohol.
What other folks do, even if it's stupid, is none of my business
D
Sept 30, 2010
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,672
I would not worry too much about it. You remember the details. Many of them probably were too smashed to remember the next day.
Congratulations for sticking with your principles and not caving in to drinking games. Bachelor parties are just a convenient excuse for some to do things they would never dare do sober or alone.
Congratulations for sticking with your principles and not caving in to drinking games. Bachelor parties are just a convenient excuse for some to do things they would never dare do sober or alone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 432
Frankly most of the people I know don't drink at all, or very little. I was the big drinker of the group, so to them, I've just decided to become normal like them.
There are huge swaths of society that don't drink or barely think about it.
There are huge swaths of society that don't drink or barely think about it.
I need more than Nar-Anon
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 13
Egads.
QUOTE . "It was strange to watch how drunk and stupid everybody acted".[/QUOTE]
The only thing I can say is "Im sure in your drinking days you acted the same as what you are referencing". It is sad, I agree. However, I can't stand it when someone stops drinking, and all of a sudden, they talk about how stuip/dump those who still drink appear. It's kinda like when a smoker stops smoking. All of a sudden "smoke stinks". This is a no brainer.
Just seems when people stop drinking/smoking then they forget. All of a sudden the person who has stopped their habit is some how "better".
I just say to them, "get down off the cross, someone else needs the wood".
POPaTOP
POPaTOP.
The only thing I can say is "Im sure in your drinking days you acted the same as what you are referencing". It is sad, I agree. However, I can't stand it when someone stops drinking, and all of a sudden, they talk about how stuip/dump those who still drink appear. It's kinda like when a smoker stops smoking. All of a sudden "smoke stinks". This is a no brainer.
Just seems when people stop drinking/smoking then they forget. All of a sudden the person who has stopped their habit is some how "better".
I just say to them, "get down off the cross, someone else needs the wood".
POPaTOP
POPaTOP.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
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All of a sudden the person who has stopped their habit is some how "better".
I am.
But seriously, drunk people are stupid and smoke smells. Just because I used to be one doesn't change that. Now I learned not to preach to the drinkers about the hazards of alcohol, but I just consider myself smarter now.
I am.
But seriously, drunk people are stupid and smoke smells. Just because I used to be one doesn't change that. Now I learned not to preach to the drinkers about the hazards of alcohol, but I just consider myself smarter now.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Originally Posted by doublecheck 
Why is it so acceptable?
Very good question...can't go to the grocery store and buy a six pack of crack rocks, you know?
My guess is because it's a legal high. People like getting messed up, even the people who only have a couple.
Kudos to the people who can find a group to hang with that doesn't drink.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Posts: 478
DoubleCheck if I am hearing you right, you aren't judging their behavior now that you are a "non-drinker", sounds like you are shocked at what appears to be hypocrisy, or at least, them not seeing their own issues and almost feeling sorry for you and yours!
I can undertand where you are coming from.
I can undertand where you are coming from.
Gone In
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by doublecheck
I went to a bachelor party this weekend for the first time in my life sober. It was strange to watch how drunk and stupid everybody acted. I felt like the outcast and really didn't enjoy myself at all...
I find now I don't enjoy being around drunk people, I think because it reminds me of me when I was drinking, and I didn't really like myself as a drunk
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
I too am 7 months sober and encountered the same thing, I felt like the outcast because I didn't drink and thought everyone was looking and talking about me being the sober.
Maybe they were at first, given my past actions I understand why is was such a change for them to accept, but once they realized that this was something I was committed to and meant a great deal to me I got tremendous support form the same people that I thought were "talking about me"
Also a bachelor party is an excuse for even the most moderate drinker to act like an idiot and get drunk. Sort of like St. Paddies day, Super Bowl or world cup an acceptable event to lose control that will magnify your choice not to drink because people that would not normally act that way do on those occasions.
To a point someone made above it is most likely that they don't even remember or care about your choice or what label they put on you. Did you care about others who didn't drink while you were? Would it be possible that while your were drinking that you would label someone who choose to quit drinking an "Alcoholic" ??
What I have found again through time is that I have the advantage in social situations BECAUSE I do not drink anymore. I follow conversations much better, am more attentive to my friends and wife rather than making "New Friends" at the bar. I do not have the Monkey on my back that requires an Absolut and Soda every 15 min. to enjoy the situation. I am much more aware of the non-verbal communication from others and tend to enjoy myself more more than I used too. Also I have clarity that they do not as the night goes on, I have the mental capacity to react thoughtfully to situations that when I was drunk would blow out of proportion.
I have lost most of my drinking buddies that I had nothing in common with other than drinking. My buddies that have been long time friends have all remained the same, we had more common than just drinking and still do!!!
I went to the Baseball game Tuesday night with two buddies and we all had a blast. I am the driver now, which has been getting me free tickets, they had a few before we left and a few at the game and I never thought about it at all, I was to consumed watching the game something I would not have done a year ago if I was drinking. A good time had by all, home safe and sound by 11.
My point is it does get easier to be the Sober one, I for one dig it and enjoy going out to social events as much as I used too, although I do not go out as much as I used to because half the time I went out was just to drink.
So relax and give your self a break, what you have accomplished in the last 7 months is so much more important than someone who has had too much to drink and throws some label on you. Be proud of what you continue to do and have an amazing time doing it...
Best of luck,
Maybe they were at first, given my past actions I understand why is was such a change for them to accept, but once they realized that this was something I was committed to and meant a great deal to me I got tremendous support form the same people that I thought were "talking about me"
Also a bachelor party is an excuse for even the most moderate drinker to act like an idiot and get drunk. Sort of like St. Paddies day, Super Bowl or world cup an acceptable event to lose control that will magnify your choice not to drink because people that would not normally act that way do on those occasions.
To a point someone made above it is most likely that they don't even remember or care about your choice or what label they put on you. Did you care about others who didn't drink while you were? Would it be possible that while your were drinking that you would label someone who choose to quit drinking an "Alcoholic" ??
What I have found again through time is that I have the advantage in social situations BECAUSE I do not drink anymore. I follow conversations much better, am more attentive to my friends and wife rather than making "New Friends" at the bar. I do not have the Monkey on my back that requires an Absolut and Soda every 15 min. to enjoy the situation. I am much more aware of the non-verbal communication from others and tend to enjoy myself more more than I used too. Also I have clarity that they do not as the night goes on, I have the mental capacity to react thoughtfully to situations that when I was drunk would blow out of proportion.
I have lost most of my drinking buddies that I had nothing in common with other than drinking. My buddies that have been long time friends have all remained the same, we had more common than just drinking and still do!!!
I went to the Baseball game Tuesday night with two buddies and we all had a blast. I am the driver now, which has been getting me free tickets, they had a few before we left and a few at the game and I never thought about it at all, I was to consumed watching the game something I would not have done a year ago if I was drinking. A good time had by all, home safe and sound by 11.
My point is it does get easier to be the Sober one, I for one dig it and enjoy going out to social events as much as I used too, although I do not go out as much as I used to because half the time I went out was just to drink.
So relax and give your self a break, what you have accomplished in the last 7 months is so much more important than someone who has had too much to drink and throws some label on you. Be proud of what you continue to do and have an amazing time doing it...
Best of luck,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: NYC
Posts: 35
Congrats on getting through bachelor party without picking up! When I'd first got sober I felt that other "normal" drinkers thought that I was an outcast, but really it was my thinking. It's so easy to mold the world to conform with your perception of it. I used to do that all the time when I was drinking & can still do that if I am not careful. People, places, & things sometimes need to be changed to grow in your recovery. If you haven't read "Living Sober," which is a book you can get at most AA meetings, I recommend that you pick up a copy.
I need more than Nar-Anon
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by BASEjumper
I think when you become intoxicated you can't really connect with sober people, and vice-versa.
All I know.....there is nothing worse than a sober when YOU'RE drunk or a drunk when YOU'RE sober!!!!!!
POPaTOP
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Originally Posted by POPaTOP
All I know.....there is nothing worse than a sober when YOU'RE drunk or a drunk when YOU'RE sober!!!!!!
POPaTOP
POPaTOP
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: usa
Posts: 55
[QUOTE=WritingFromLife;3059098]DoubleCheck if I am hearing you right, you aren't judging their behavior now that you are a "non-drinker", sounds like you are shocked at what appears to be hypocrisy, or at least, them not seeing their own issues and almost feeling sorry for you and yours!
I can undertand where you are coming from.[/QUOTE
Well said.
I can undertand where you are coming from.[/QUOTE
Well said.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York City
Posts: 221
Drunk people are really easy to beat at poker. Or more usefully, to trick out of their car keys!
I've also just acted drunk on one occasion and it was hilarious and entertaining! They are easy to fool! Congrats on making it through.
I've also just acted drunk on one occasion and it was hilarious and entertaining! They are easy to fool! Congrats on making it through.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Hey doublecheck ---
When you wrote....: "...made me start thinking how socially acceptable drinking is..."
That got me to thinking; reflecting back to when I was active in my alcoholism/addiction and the groups I usually hung out with; then there's back when I first started out, seeking sobriety/recovery, and the groups I was hanging out with then.....
Both ZZworldonthe web (in Post #7) and lund1982 (in Post #15) made some points that got me to thinking how my mind/outlook/perception changed as I continuously remained sober, and grew in my sobriety/recovery.
Yes, doublecheck, drinking is socially acceptable; it is legal; even over indulgence seems to be acceptable in some social circles. lund1982 mentioned the book, Living Sober. I was given a copy when I was just starting my recovery journey, and found it had a lot common sense suggestions for the newcomers to sobriety, especially the mention/suggestion that we may need to change our playgrounds, and/or our playthings, and/or our playmates, or even all these things.
The more continuous sobriety I had, the more work I put into my program for sobriety, I soon found that these things started to happen almost automatically. Yes, there were certain individuals I had to talk to f2f, and break off our friendship (or maybe just what I thought was friendship), but for the most part, the more sober people I gathered around me (me new social circle), the more of my 'old friends' seemed to drift away.
Back when I was drinkin' 'n druggin' I thought everybody did, just like I did.....HAH!! Now that I've been sober for a bit, like ZZworldontheweb, I've come to realize there are 'huge swaths of society that don't drink or barely think about it' ME included...............
I'm sorry you felt like an outcast. I don't know if you go to AA, or any other program, for that matter, but there are lots of books out there (and people too) that can help you on your way. There have been so threads here on SR listing good books for recovery. Unfortunately, my memory isn't what it used to be, but.....a couple of books you may wanna check out........:
Alcoholics Anonymous (what AAer's call the Big Book, or BB)
Under the Influence
The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure
The Cure for Alcoholism
The Art of AVRT
Recovery Options.............
Heck, there are loads and loads of books out there, just google for some or search on Amazon (I'm a total Amazon junkie)...........Here's wishing you a good journey, and I'll be seein' ya along the way...........
(o:
NoelleR
When you wrote....: "...made me start thinking how socially acceptable drinking is..."
That got me to thinking; reflecting back to when I was active in my alcoholism/addiction and the groups I usually hung out with; then there's back when I first started out, seeking sobriety/recovery, and the groups I was hanging out with then.....
Both ZZworldonthe web (in Post #7) and lund1982 (in Post #15) made some points that got me to thinking how my mind/outlook/perception changed as I continuously remained sober, and grew in my sobriety/recovery.
Yes, doublecheck, drinking is socially acceptable; it is legal; even over indulgence seems to be acceptable in some social circles. lund1982 mentioned the book, Living Sober. I was given a copy when I was just starting my recovery journey, and found it had a lot common sense suggestions for the newcomers to sobriety, especially the mention/suggestion that we may need to change our playgrounds, and/or our playthings, and/or our playmates, or even all these things.
The more continuous sobriety I had, the more work I put into my program for sobriety, I soon found that these things started to happen almost automatically. Yes, there were certain individuals I had to talk to f2f, and break off our friendship (or maybe just what I thought was friendship), but for the most part, the more sober people I gathered around me (me new social circle), the more of my 'old friends' seemed to drift away.
Back when I was drinkin' 'n druggin' I thought everybody did, just like I did.....HAH!! Now that I've been sober for a bit, like ZZworldontheweb, I've come to realize there are 'huge swaths of society that don't drink or barely think about it' ME included...............
I'm sorry you felt like an outcast. I don't know if you go to AA, or any other program, for that matter, but there are lots of books out there (and people too) that can help you on your way. There have been so threads here on SR listing good books for recovery. Unfortunately, my memory isn't what it used to be, but.....a couple of books you may wanna check out........:
Alcoholics Anonymous (what AAer's call the Big Book, or BB)
Under the Influence
The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure
The Cure for Alcoholism
The Art of AVRT
Recovery Options.............
Heck, there are loads and loads of books out there, just google for some or search on Amazon (I'm a total Amazon junkie)...........Here's wishing you a good journey, and I'll be seein' ya along the way...........
(o:
NoelleR
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