lund1982

I have 74 days back today. Recently, I've had some health problems which are, I'm positive, related to drinking for half my human existence. Because of said problems I've not been able to attend as many meetings as I'd like to. Last night, my sponsor suggested that I try some online meetings since doctor's orders prevent me from leaving house until next week. I don't & never really have understood chat rooms all that well, so this forum seems my next best bet. I am really good at isolating, always have been & always will be if I don't work my program. I am already feeling off due to lack of human interaction &, for some reason, haven't been able to muster up the courage to call another AA other than my sponsor. I haven't been sleeping well, have been depressed as a result of having a chain of three very distinct illnesses going on simultaneously. Over the weekend I was hopeful that things were improving until Sunday night when I had my first severe allergic reaction to anything. After leaving the ER, I couldn't sleep at all that night. I have lost two days worth of sleep because I fear that I am not getting any better. I have had an anxiety disorder for as long as I remember & I wonder, at times, if my mind is just playing tricks on me or if the symptoms are not subsiding as they should. These last 3 weeks have been the loneliest & scariest that I've ever experienced. I need to let go of these fears & start reaching out. I know that if I make phone calls to a few people I will feel better, it's been proven historically....I guess that my thinking is getting in the way of the next best thing. I am just wondering, however, how do I get out of this funk? The more that I feel sick or perceive sickness, the more that I am blocking out the sunlight. Anyway, I apologize for rambling, because, as I said, I am sleep deprived & struggling. I am certainly not going to drink over any of this. If there was any doubt my first time around, there's definitely no doubt now that I am powerless over alcohol. Am I just allowing myself to believe that I am terminally unique? I know that I am not the only one in the world that is experiencing some sort of debilitating illness...Why do I feel so alone, though? I have the tools, I just have to use them.

CarolD

I suggest you ask your sponser about bringing a meeting to you.
We often do that and it's not as formal...but always a good thing...

On line meetings? I suggest you check out AA On line and Pal Talk.
Pal talk offers you a chance to speak not only type...not sure about AA On line and I don't have the links.

Sorry you are house bound for awhile....hope your health improves soon.

sugarbear1

I will go to any lengths to stay sober today.

Best wishes!

JimE

Chat hasn't been easy for me either because I type rather slowly but you might give this a try....

AAOnline.net--Realtime Open AA Meetings on the Internet

I hope your health improves real soon. You can post here till then....

Tosh

No lund, you're not unique; I can relate to loads in your post. Left to my own devices I will also isolate; it's a common trait with alkies. I've had stages where leaving the house was a huge mental effort, to just do the normal stuff, like work or shopping. It gets easier; it just takes some time; and the program works like magic and gives me the confidence to do those things that once frightened me.

I could spend all morning procrastinating about going out to work (I'm self employed), and then couldn't. And I did this while sober in recovery; not while I was drinking.

I hope you get well soon and can get back to your AA meetings; AA is brilliant at gently integrating us back into society to being 'normal' human beings.

Keep posting and sharing your experience and growth; I'd love to read it.

You take care,

Tosh

Zebra1275

If calling an AA member has worked before, than do it again. Hang around SR a lot now that you are homebound, that will probably help too.

lund1982

Thanks for the feedback, everyone!