coffeespoons

Greetings!

27 y/o female here. I hit my bottom last week, after about 4 years of trying to "moderate" my post college drinking. I fall into the binger side of alcoholism...I can go for weeks with nothing (or very little) to drink and feel totally fine. More and more often though, I've found myself blacking out during the times I do drink. I've also started to wet the bed almost EVERY time I drink (so gross, I know...). I never drink on week nights because I know there is a 1 in 3 chance or so that I'll black out and not make it to work.

Anyways, last weekend I blacked out in front of my very patient and laid back parents. They were horrified, wanted to take me to the hospital, etc. It was so eye opening for me. I've blacked out in front of boyfriend, friends, etc, but never my parents. It made me realize that I have no control over my drinking, even though I only drink "occasionally."

My question is: I live in a large Metropolitan area with TONS of meeting options available. I want to pick the right one, I guess, but I'm confused as to big-book versus lecture versus "chip" meetings. Many of the meetings also say "closed" on the online schedule, but they fit the best for me with time frame and neighborhood. Should I just show up at a meeting? Should I go to a "youth" or "women's" meeting instead of just a general one? I'm not shy and generally get along with everyone, but I know I'll feel sheepish and nervous at my first few meetings.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

SDSurfn

Closed meetings are open to anyone who has a desire to stop drinking.

Don't let the word "closed" throw you. It just means family members of alcoholics and the general public are not welcomed at closed meetings.

So, if you want to stop drinking, you are welcome to attend a "closed" meeting.

All the best,

SD

sugarbear1

I never met anyone who liked their first meeting. Try as many as you want and try to compare IN.

Try searching for aa speakers and listen online. experience, strenngth, and hope is shared.

Fourth dimension group has Bob S. on audio in a big book study. He now has almost 34 years and his personal story is good....long time drunk who has great sobriety today.

Best wishes and welcome!

BadCompany

Womens meeting would be a good place to start. Steer clear of meeting halls and toward ones held in library and church basements. Get there about ten minutes early ask for the chairperson and tell them you are new and what to do about it. Most likely they will introduce you to a few people and let you know what goes on during that meeting (The format and such).

Boleo

Since you have "TONS" of meetings to choose from, try the ones closest to you first and work your way further and further away till you find 3 or 4 that strike you as comfortable.

Keep in mind that some meetings are better than others so don't judge AA as a whole based on your first few. Eventually you should include some Big Book meetings but keep in mind they are more formal.

Taking5

What Boleo said. I will add the following which is the best article I know of on what to expect at an AA meeting:

Your First AA Meeting

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community.....

I too was a a blackout drinker...it was scarey and I did all sorts of dangerous things.

I too got sober in a city...D.C. has a large variety What worked best for me...
I found a group of mostly singles they met 7 days a week...I could
easily attend before work,,it
it was a Topic meeeting/Open Discussion and I like starting my day with AA.

As an added bonus...weekend meetings often lead to bbrunches
and all sorts of interesting non drinking things to do.
I wanted a social circle of new non drinking friends who shared my goals and understood me...

coffeespoons

Thank you all so much! I'm really relieved to know that Closed doesn't really mean closed . I'll try those that fit my schedule best first and then branch out. Seriously, thanks, it is so helpful to know there is a wealth of resources here online for people like me.

CarolD

Do remember to come back and let us know how you are doing.

PaleMale

This reminds how fortunate I have been living in a big city. There are more meetings I have not been to, than I have been to. I need to start doing some Meeting Tourism, so I can enjoy an even broader taste of the various styles different groups adopt.

I need to remind myself to take advantage of such wealth! And museums a little more often too.

JobiWanKenobi

Try an honest 90 in 90 (90 meetings in 90 days) and you will get a great foundation to start your spiritual journey. I know it sounds daunting but if you are truly sincere about wanting recovery, you will be able to do it no matter what your schedule is.

DayTrader

Yep, what he ^^ said. You're going to have to be willing to do some leg work. Luckily for you, it sounds like you'll be able to drive yourself....that makes it a lot easier than it is for those of us without licenses.

"How much are you willing to put into your sobriety Michael?" was the question the substance abuse therapist I saw kept asking me. Well, that one along with, "Why are you so sure that everything you THINK you know is as correct as you THINK it is? / Why do you think your defiance will eventually lead to success?" / .....and a bunch of others......lol

Anyway, back to the point...... you're going to have to do some searching and some exploring. AM meetings have a different vibe than PM meetings. You may like both or one over the other. Most meetings tend to ebb and flow: they're strong for a while, then can start to go sideways for a while. Some groups hold to the tradition of sticking to a common problem AND a common solution, some are free-for-alls where anything is discussed and/or the members believe themselves to be therapists and just the right person to solve all your problems.... There are alllllllllll sorts of meetings just like there are allllllllll sorts of AA members. I'm NOT a fan of "going to a lot of meetings." I'm sure there will be several suggestions to do "90 in 90" throughout this thread. I guess that's a good suggestion for some.....but it's not good for others. Personally, I recommend my sponsees NOT do 90 in 90. For me, I'd rather hit ONE good meeting per MONTH than 7 "anything goes" meetings per week. (Luckily, there's a lot of AA in my area so it's not too tough to find a couple good meetings every week.) I'll take quality over quantity any day. And besides.....meetings will only help keep you sober for a little while.....sooner or later you're going to have to get into the step work IF you're an alcoholic like me. Most of the folks I know who've done the 90 in 90 route get stuck on the idea that if they go to enough meetings they'll get and stay sober.....unfortunately, that's not part of the AA program and it's farrrrrrrrr from reality.

The best advice I could give you, or anyone new to the AA process, would be to sit there and listen as closely as you can to the people talking. Listen for the sounds of recovery: sobriety time, happy now, enjoy life, not whining and complaining about this or that all the time, have successful careers and social lives/marriages..... you know, listen for the folks who seem to be living their recovery to the hilt. That'll also mean you won't be able to sit there and really plan what you're going to say when it's your turn to talk.......that's ok...... it's cool to just say you're there to listen and learn.

So, once you've found some folks you respect....shadow them. Sit near them, introduce yourself to them, and ask them what meetings they like in the area. Have a piece of paper and a pen with you at all times so you can write down these "recommended meetings" when they tell you about them. Some of the recommendations will be stinkers.....but there are bound to be a couple winners in the lot. So.....go check THOSE meetings out. Repeat the process.....over and over. Try to sit with the ppl you like the most and get to know them.....

I'd also start asking around......ask the ppl you like who THEY would recommend as a good sponsor. Don't trust your initial judgment in this area (that's my experience.....and the experience of MANY of my AA friends.... early in sobriety, we're not really good judges of who'd be a good sponsor and who wouldn't). Ask several ppl who they'd pick.......and run the other suggestions by them.....that will REALLY help you narrow your focus down to a couple ppl to sponsor you. ......again, "what are YOU willing to do/not do for a lifetime of sobriety and serenity?"

Now, for me........I didn't do ANY of that stuff for many months and it carried a severe cost. I hung at crappy meetings (thought they were "good ones" cuz we all talked about "our problems" for an hour, had some coffee and some cookies and went home right afterwards), didn't look for a sponsor, and I didn't get into the real program - working the steps in all my affairs (I was part of "the fellowship" - I attended meetings and didn't wanna drink.......but I wasn't working the program really at all). I basically went to meetings, talked about my issues as they related to the step in question, 1/10th listened to what anyone else had to say, and basically tried to run my own sobriety. DON'T DO WHAT I DID - IT'S HALF-A$$ RECOVERY AND IT DIDN'T WORK WELL AT ALL FOR ME. Lots of ppl IN AA can just stop drinking and they basically use the tables as a free support group. I tried that route.....horrible results for me. I was basically left with no choice BUT to try doing the work cuz I couldn't take another minute of ME......and "my version" of sobriety.

There ARE strong AA members out there who live and practice the program.... "when the student is ready, the teacher appears."