Short Time Lurker, First Time Poster
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: WV
Posts: 83
Short Time Lurker, First Time Poster
Hello everyone,
I've been reading the posts here for a few weeks, & it's done me a lot of good to read your stories & advice for other members. I'm an alcoholic & this is my 32nd day with out drinking.
I'll start with my history with alcohol. I'm currently 42 years old, married & have 2 grown sons. I started drinking at age 16, & would drink to just get totally passed out drunk. From the ages 16 to 30, I was always the drunkest guy in the group, & the first to pass out. I constantly drove drunk & had way too many close calls with DUI's. Things that I did intoxicated, but would never, ever do sober ruined my first marriage. Living on my own after the divorce escalated my drinking, & eventually cost me my job.
I was with my drinking buddy when we wrecked his car & he got a DUI. That scared me. Not that I was going to hurt somebody, but that I could lose my license. I stopped driving while drinking, which pissed off my drinking buddy. He said he got his DUI, now I needed to drive him around until I got mine. He stopped coming around, & I just stayed home & drank.
I learned from my 1st marriage that I always said things to my wife that I would regret the next day. So rarely drank around my 2nd wife. This led to me transitioning to a binge drinker. Every Friday & Saturday night at 10:00, I would kiss my Wife goodnight & shut myself up in my computer room. I got myself into system. As I played computer games for hours, I would drink 3 beers & 1 pint of Wild Turkey whiskey. That would get me just drunk enough to enjoy myself. Any more booze than that & I would feel like **** the next day. When I was done, I would stumble out, eat something & go to bed.
I did that every chance I got. A national holiday meant an extra night to drink. Wife out of town for a few days, more nights to drink. Every vacation I took meant at least 9 days to drink. I looked forward to it, I couldn't wait for 10:00 so I could get started. The fact that every morning after, I would sweat all day, have the shakes & have a red flush all over face were minor inconveniences. My Wife was concerned, but I told her that was just the way I coped with stress.
I had a physical at work 10 years ago, & my liver enzymes were really high. I got the alcohol talk from the doctor. So I did research to see what I could do about it, besides stop drinking. I started taking vitamins, milk thistle & a liver supplement call Liv52 everyday & also after drinking before I went to bed. Added 3 bottles of water to my 3 beers & pint of liquor to help with dehydration. I switched from whiskey to Smirnoff vodka, because I read that clear liquors aren't as damaging as dark liquors. I thought I was so clever. It didn't help my liver enzymes, but surely I would live longer because I was "taking better care of myself". To keep my doctor from lecturing me, I just stopped getting physicals.
Then 42 days ago, things changed. I had to send my youngest so rehab for pain pill addiction. That rocked my world, & made me look at myself in a way
hadn't in a really long time. I took a weeks vacation & really did some drinking, much more than 3 beers & 1 pint. I noticed on the 3rd day of my binge, my chest hurt a little when I was drinking. By the 7th day, my chest hurt a lot when I was drinking. I was getting a little concerned at that point.
During that week, I thought about the role model I was for my sons, they had been joining me in my weekend drinking binges for a while. I got in touch with some family (we are not at all close) I hadn't talked to in years & got some startling news. An aunt had drank herself to death a month ago. An uncle had died from liver failure 3 years ago. Another uncle was homeless begging for money near a shelter & using drugs. On top of that, I didn't know my grandmother died from complications of alcohol abuse, & my grandfather was the town drunk until he found religion. On the mother of my children's side of the family, it was common knowledge her dad, 2 brothers & 1 sister were alcoholics. Genetically, my kids were alcoholics waiting to happen, & I was helping them on their merry way to Hell. Some role model I was. All that, on top of the chest pain, something had to give.
I made the decision. I poured over a gallon of vodka down the sink. Oddly enough, I couldn't pour the beer out. I took the box of 18 beers to a gas station & sat it beside a pump. I'm still not sure why I did that. I also had a jar of moonshine that was a gift that I got rid of, so there was no booze at my house.
My son got out of rehab 2 weeks ago. I told him that I was "on the wagon" & he didn't like it. He told me he wasn't going to take pills anymore, but was still going to drink with his friends. I explained our family history to him, but that didn't make a difference. Oddly enough, he enjoyed the AA meetings that he went to in rehab (even though he was there for pills) & plans on going to meetings now that he's back home. I'm going to go to some meeting with him. We'll see how it goes.
As for me, right now, I'm doing okay. Shockingly enough, after drinking for over 2 decades, not drinking hasn't been too bad. I haven't played on the computer, because I know that's a trigger for me. I started helping my Dad (whom I rarely saw) with a business he has on the weekends to keep me busy. When ever I think about drinking, I lift weights or run on a treadmill. A side effect of that & not drinking (& the 3 slices of pizza that followed before bed) has been I've lost 12 pounds in the last 31 days. I'm still way over my ideal weight, all these years of drinking have not been kind to my body. Healing the damage I've done to my body also motivates me.
I was talking to my oldest son (he's 26) about it, & he says it sounds like I had more a of a habit instead of an addiction. He told me that I should be able to have a beer or two & be okay with it. That's not gonna happen though. I get a sense of satisfaction as I watch the days count up. If I had one beer, it would reset that clock for me & make all that work for nothing.
I have my first physical in many years next week. I'm looking forward to seeing what my liver enzymes levels are. I'm also going to have them give my heart a thorough check up.
I've read a lot of your stories, & I've gotten a lot of comfort & motivation from your posts. I realize I'm having an easier time at this than some. But, it's just been 31 days, with hopefully a few decades to go. It wasn't my intention for this post to be so long, bit once I started, it just kinda flowed out of me. Thanks for your support guys, even though you didn't know you were giving it. : )
I've been reading the posts here for a few weeks, & it's done me a lot of good to read your stories & advice for other members. I'm an alcoholic & this is my 32nd day with out drinking.
I'll start with my history with alcohol. I'm currently 42 years old, married & have 2 grown sons. I started drinking at age 16, & would drink to just get totally passed out drunk. From the ages 16 to 30, I was always the drunkest guy in the group, & the first to pass out. I constantly drove drunk & had way too many close calls with DUI's. Things that I did intoxicated, but would never, ever do sober ruined my first marriage. Living on my own after the divorce escalated my drinking, & eventually cost me my job.
I was with my drinking buddy when we wrecked his car & he got a DUI. That scared me. Not that I was going to hurt somebody, but that I could lose my license. I stopped driving while drinking, which pissed off my drinking buddy. He said he got his DUI, now I needed to drive him around until I got mine. He stopped coming around, & I just stayed home & drank.
I learned from my 1st marriage that I always said things to my wife that I would regret the next day. So rarely drank around my 2nd wife. This led to me transitioning to a binge drinker. Every Friday & Saturday night at 10:00, I would kiss my Wife goodnight & shut myself up in my computer room. I got myself into system. As I played computer games for hours, I would drink 3 beers & 1 pint of Wild Turkey whiskey. That would get me just drunk enough to enjoy myself. Any more booze than that & I would feel like **** the next day. When I was done, I would stumble out, eat something & go to bed.
I did that every chance I got. A national holiday meant an extra night to drink. Wife out of town for a few days, more nights to drink. Every vacation I took meant at least 9 days to drink. I looked forward to it, I couldn't wait for 10:00 so I could get started. The fact that every morning after, I would sweat all day, have the shakes & have a red flush all over face were minor inconveniences. My Wife was concerned, but I told her that was just the way I coped with stress.
I had a physical at work 10 years ago, & my liver enzymes were really high. I got the alcohol talk from the doctor. So I did research to see what I could do about it, besides stop drinking. I started taking vitamins, milk thistle & a liver supplement call Liv52 everyday & also after drinking before I went to bed. Added 3 bottles of water to my 3 beers & pint of liquor to help with dehydration. I switched from whiskey to Smirnoff vodka, because I read that clear liquors aren't as damaging as dark liquors. I thought I was so clever. It didn't help my liver enzymes, but surely I would live longer because I was "taking better care of myself". To keep my doctor from lecturing me, I just stopped getting physicals.
Then 42 days ago, things changed. I had to send my youngest so rehab for pain pill addiction. That rocked my world, & made me look at myself in a way
hadn't in a really long time. I took a weeks vacation & really did some drinking, much more than 3 beers & 1 pint. I noticed on the 3rd day of my binge, my chest hurt a little when I was drinking. By the 7th day, my chest hurt a lot when I was drinking. I was getting a little concerned at that point.
During that week, I thought about the role model I was for my sons, they had been joining me in my weekend drinking binges for a while. I got in touch with some family (we are not at all close) I hadn't talked to in years & got some startling news. An aunt had drank herself to death a month ago. An uncle had died from liver failure 3 years ago. Another uncle was homeless begging for money near a shelter & using drugs. On top of that, I didn't know my grandmother died from complications of alcohol abuse, & my grandfather was the town drunk until he found religion. On the mother of my children's side of the family, it was common knowledge her dad, 2 brothers & 1 sister were alcoholics. Genetically, my kids were alcoholics waiting to happen, & I was helping them on their merry way to Hell. Some role model I was. All that, on top of the chest pain, something had to give.
I made the decision. I poured over a gallon of vodka down the sink. Oddly enough, I couldn't pour the beer out. I took the box of 18 beers to a gas station & sat it beside a pump. I'm still not sure why I did that. I also had a jar of moonshine that was a gift that I got rid of, so there was no booze at my house.
My son got out of rehab 2 weeks ago. I told him that I was "on the wagon" & he didn't like it. He told me he wasn't going to take pills anymore, but was still going to drink with his friends. I explained our family history to him, but that didn't make a difference. Oddly enough, he enjoyed the AA meetings that he went to in rehab (even though he was there for pills) & plans on going to meetings now that he's back home. I'm going to go to some meeting with him. We'll see how it goes.
As for me, right now, I'm doing okay. Shockingly enough, after drinking for over 2 decades, not drinking hasn't been too bad. I haven't played on the computer, because I know that's a trigger for me. I started helping my Dad (whom I rarely saw) with a business he has on the weekends to keep me busy. When ever I think about drinking, I lift weights or run on a treadmill. A side effect of that & not drinking (& the 3 slices of pizza that followed before bed) has been I've lost 12 pounds in the last 31 days. I'm still way over my ideal weight, all these years of drinking have not been kind to my body. Healing the damage I've done to my body also motivates me.
I was talking to my oldest son (he's 26) about it, & he says it sounds like I had more a of a habit instead of an addiction. He told me that I should be able to have a beer or two & be okay with it. That's not gonna happen though. I get a sense of satisfaction as I watch the days count up. If I had one beer, it would reset that clock for me & make all that work for nothing.
I have my first physical in many years next week. I'm looking forward to seeing what my liver enzymes levels are. I'm also going to have them give my heart a thorough check up.
I've read a lot of your stories, & I've gotten a lot of comfort & motivation from your posts. I realize I'm having an easier time at this than some. But, it's just been 31 days, with hopefully a few decades to go. It wasn't my intention for this post to be so long, bit once I started, it just kinda flowed out of me. Thanks for your support guys, even though you didn't know you were giving it. : )
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Irish
Posts: 552
How is it going,Mad for Chaos........You have made
a great dicision.
You may be able to do it on your own..long term,one never knows.
I needed AA to get over the obsession,I was also Addicted to Tranqualisers.
I wish you all the Good that is coming you way.........you deserve it.
As far as your family is concerned,they seem to be able to take care of them selves.
Cheers
a great dicision.
You may be able to do it on your own..long term,one never knows.
I needed AA to get over the obsession,I was also Addicted to Tranqualisers.
I wish you all the Good that is coming you way.........you deserve it.
As far as your family is concerned,they seem to be able to take care of them selves.
Cheers
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 2,464
Welcome to SR. Sorry to hear about your son...but glad he is going to AA meetings and that you are thinking of going as well. I utilize SR and AA and it helps to have the support one day at a time. Glad you are here and congrats!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Mad4, welcome to SR! Don't let the habit vs addiction fool you whatever you want to call it it's still a BAD habit and damaging your health in a big way. I didn't have any trouble either when I quit drinking no withdrawal no cravings etc and only about 3 times in the past 4 yrs have I really considered drinking; I'm sure I could have a couple of drinks every once in a while and it wouldn't be a problem but I'm also sure that I would/could get too comfortable in that 'every once in a while' and it would turn into every week then every couple of days and a couple would turn into a couple more etc. I quit drinking when my daughter was 26 and have found it's never too late to be a good example.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to the sharing part of our recovery community.....
I am glad you have started to improve your health and future..
you are making realy positive choices and moving forward is the correct direction.
I am glad you have started to improve your health and future..
you are making realy positive choices and moving forward is the correct direction.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Best wishes on your efforts. I quit at 46 and my son, then 20 quit a year after I did. We both have used AA to keep us sober and improve our lives. He will celebrate 11 years in October and I will celebrate 12 years. The biggest gift in my sobriety is that my boy is living a fantastic life, he has a great wife, a wonderful job and a little 4 year old girl who has never seen Daddy or her grandfather drunk.
My best wishes to you and your family. The life that we can have sober is almost impossible to describe.
Good luck,
Jon
My best wishes to you and your family. The life that we can have sober is almost impossible to describe.
Good luck,
Jon
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I really loved reading your story, and I'm glad you joined so that you could share it with us. I had to smile (in recognition) when you talked about adding supplements and water to your alcohol diet to "take better care of yourself!"
Congratulations on your 32 days. Like you, I'm happy today that I can be an example for my children. Way to go!
Congratulations on your 32 days. Like you, I'm happy today that I can be an example for my children. Way to go!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: WV
Posts: 83
Thanks for all the encouraging replies. There's a part I wanted to share but had left out about my drinking buddy. He had been my best friend since junior high school. My Dad was a fire & brimstone Baptist preacher & his dad would hang out in bars. Naturally, I was frequently lectured that my friend & his family were bad influences.
After we had our falling out because I wouldn't drive him around drunk anymore, I got back in touch with him about 4 years later. I found out from a friend where he lived, & just popped in unannounced one night. I had brought a 12 pack of beer with me so we could get a buzz & talk about old times. To my complete shock, not only had he gotten married, he was now an ordained minister! At home later that night, as I open the 1st beer from the 12 pack, it dawned on me. It was ME! It turns out I was the bad influence! I got a huge laugh out of that at time. Now it's just kinda sad.
Brian
After we had our falling out because I wouldn't drive him around drunk anymore, I got back in touch with him about 4 years later. I found out from a friend where he lived, & just popped in unannounced one night. I had brought a 12 pack of beer with me so we could get a buzz & talk about old times. To my complete shock, not only had he gotten married, he was now an ordained minister! At home later that night, as I open the 1st beer from the 12 pack, it dawned on me. It was ME! It turns out I was the bad influence! I got a huge laugh out of that at time. Now it's just kinda sad.
Brian
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