Every time I decide to take a hiatus...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 184
Every time I decide to take a hiatus...
Today is one of those days. I have once again "decided" that it's time to take a break from the bottle. This has been happening so much more frequently than it ever used to. It started back in March when I took 19 days off. Then I fell back in.
Now, most of the "day afters" are spent in bed, out of work, telling myself "Nope, not anymore, you cannot do this to yourself anymore!" It doesn't take long, in fact if I do not pick up again that night it'll be the night after that. I leave myself ONE single day to get over it.
I am powerless over it, truly. I feel as if I cannot quit this. Most of you who have read my blogs or posts on here are probably getting pretty annoyed at the fact that I won't just put it down... Thanks for reading.
Now, most of the "day afters" are spent in bed, out of work, telling myself "Nope, not anymore, you cannot do this to yourself anymore!" It doesn't take long, in fact if I do not pick up again that night it'll be the night after that. I leave myself ONE single day to get over it.
I am powerless over it, truly. I feel as if I cannot quit this. Most of you who have read my blogs or posts on here are probably getting pretty annoyed at the fact that I won't just put it down... Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Why won't you? Sobriety isn't like taking a weekend off in the country, then back to it. Doesn't sound like its doing you any good. Quitting for me is like cruising down an open highway, a whole lot easier and less stressful than all the starts and stops and fender benders of city driving.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
I'm not annoyed. I've been there 
Do think about what you could add to whatever you've been doing tho Linz- whether it's seeing your DR, or a counsellor, AA or some other grpup, or inpatient or outpatient rehab...there's a multitude of help out there.
Doing the same thing over and over again...relying simply on 'trying' not to drink...I was genuine in my efforts and well intentioned, but it never got me very far.
Get some help
D
Do think about what you could add to whatever you've been doing tho Linz- whether it's seeing your DR, or a counsellor, AA or some other grpup, or inpatient or outpatient rehab...there's a multitude of help out there.
Doing the same thing over and over again...relying simply on 'trying' not to drink...I was genuine in my efforts and well intentioned, but it never got me very far.
Get some help
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
Linz you were the first person to welcome me to SR back in April.
Now its July and I have annoyed myself so much since then with stopping and starting. I felt I had to give up SR, I felt weak and angry too. Today I'm at Day 5 and I think I might just be getting it this time. I have spent so much energy fighting those thoughts about moderation and how unfair it all is. Now I feel much closer to acceptance and wanting a better life for myself.
I always remember your welcome Linz as I dipped my toe into this SR world.
. I hope you keep posting and feel the support thats always here no matter how many day ones you have!
Now its July and I have annoyed myself so much since then with stopping and starting. I felt I had to give up SR, I felt weak and angry too. Today I'm at Day 5 and I think I might just be getting it this time. I have spent so much energy fighting those thoughts about moderation and how unfair it all is. Now I feel much closer to acceptance and wanting a better life for myself.
I always remember your welcome Linz as I dipped my toe into this SR world.
. I hope you keep posting and feel the support thats always here no matter how many day ones you have!
Last edited by Marria; 07-19-2011 at 04:49 PM. Reason: spelling
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I feel for you. I remember so well swearing off alcohol in the morning and drinking by late afternoon. Rinse and repeat. When I realized my morning resolve had no real effect and I was doomed to endless days of doing the same thing, I started imagining what it would be like if I never got sober again. It was a scary time.
I decided I had to change the way I looked at alcohol. For me, it is poison, it will ruin my life and destroy my mind/body, little by little. I had to make sobriety my #1 job, no matter what, and coming here really helped me make that possible.
It can happen for you (again) too. We're here for you!
I decided I had to change the way I looked at alcohol. For me, it is poison, it will ruin my life and destroy my mind/body, little by little. I had to make sobriety my #1 job, no matter what, and coming here really helped me make that possible.
It can happen for you (again) too. We're here for you!
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
Linz,
I wonder if part of it is a very subtle subconscious effort to make sure your quitting efforts fail. I immediately spotted the word "hiatus", which implies you may return to drinking. Maybe you've talked yourself into, "well, as long as it's not going to be permanent anyway", and you drink again.
Many of us take it one day at a time- but I don't know of anyone who considers their recovery a hiatus. All I know is I wake up each day knowing I will not drink today, and that really helps keep perspective for me.
Your mileage may vary, but these are my thoughts and experiences.
Best,
s
I wonder if part of it is a very subtle subconscious effort to make sure your quitting efforts fail. I immediately spotted the word "hiatus", which implies you may return to drinking. Maybe you've talked yourself into, "well, as long as it's not going to be permanent anyway", and you drink again.
Many of us take it one day at a time- but I don't know of anyone who considers their recovery a hiatus. All I know is I wake up each day knowing I will not drink today, and that really helps keep perspective for me.
Your mileage may vary, but these are my thoughts and experiences.
Best,
s
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