abd112

Yes...
I was 29 days sober today but relapsed tonight at my baby sisters 21st birthday celebration. I went out with positive thoughts in my head that I could celebrate with her tonight without drinking but I failed 20 minutes in I gave in and cracked open my first beer had a few swigs out of it then left for the bar. When I got to the bar I ordered a shot for me and my sister without even thinking about it it felt as normal to me as breathing air, then after I took it the guilt set in, but not for long.

As the night went on I realized what a great time I was having, had a few beers, a couple shots, and a mixed drink and now at the end of the night I feel great. I left the bar and didn't even think about another drink (very unusual for me, usually once I start I can't stop). I feel like I was able to go out and have a couple drinks enjoy the night with my sister and feel good about it. Although, I do not want to drink as often and as much as I was before.

I do not want this to become a regular thing but I would like to be able to be a "normal drinker" you know go out a couple times a month and have a couple drinks and be able to go home and go to bed without wanting more. I suppose I'm on my way but after tonight the only thing I'm worried about is falling back into the same black hole I was in before.

Dee74

I tried to be a normal drinker. I just wasn't - but I still spent 20 years trying.

I'm a lot happier now I accept that alcohol and I simply do not mix- it always, inevitably, takes me back to that black hole you spoke of....

whatever you do, don't take 20 years to decide like I did, abd.
D

Newborn

I agree with Dee. I tried to moderate. After heavy drinking for 11 years, I could moderate to one or two glass of wine. But it did not last long. Went back to the large amounts ,without even realizing.

For all of us , alcoholics, moderation does not work. Though, each of us always want to believe that we can drink normally but the history and hard core data of decades, prove otherwise.

Wish you courage to say no to 1st drink,every time, it comes on your way.

Newborn.

artsoul

The trouble with that is that normal drinkers don't have to try to be normal, if you know what I mean. I had a few brief periods of moderating, but over time I made more and more excuses to have just one more drink, or attend more parties.

Remember that there's a reason you wanted to get sober 29 day ago. I don't want to be a downer, but I'm glad you're feeling at least a little bit scared. I just don't want to see you go down that same path either.

SixStringZen

For the record, "a few beers, a couple shots, and a mixed drink" isn't even normal drinking....take care of yourself...

ZZworldontheweb

This is extremely dangerous thinking. Most recovered alcoholics will tell you that moderation just isn't possible once you've determined you're a problem drinking. It may take a few weeks or months, but it always ends up back at the same place and usually worse. One of the primary tenets of successful recovery is complete abstinence.

For example, there are many, many people on various internet forums who will tell you they tried controlled drinking and failed. I've never seen EVEN ONE who said they were alcoholics but then returned to controlled drinking. You would think there would be at least ONE, if it were possible.

ANEWAUGUST

That is the great obsession...to drink like normal people.

For this alcoholic, it was just denial.

Normal people drink one or two drinks, period.

sweetnovember

Agree with your comments. No such luck with moderation for me. The problem was as I am starting to realize, I needed alcohol to cope with stress. The stress just kept coming and I sought alcohol to escape.

endlesspatience

I think it's worth saying a big well done for getting a decent bout of sobriety. Is 29 days the longest you have stayed sober recently? Do you have a program to help you to stay sober for longer.

DayTrader

abd....

good OR bad for you. Time will tell. Maybe you haven't crossed that invisible line into alcoholism. Maybe you have. If you haven't, you should be able to control it every time.

That wasn't my experience. Sometimes I could control it, have a few, and a good time. Other times I could control it but it would be like trying to hold a breaking dam back. In the end though, I really didn't like being a "social drinker" - having a couple, getting that glow/warm feeling......then stopping. I wanted to go all the way.

When I look back at my "drinking career" I can say that there was a good 5-10 yr period where I was a social drinker.......albeit a heavy social drinker.

What I never knew though, until I experienced it first hand, was just how cool living in recovery really is. I always thought/assumed that it was just "not drinking." I couldn't see that there was a TON more than that in store for me/us - wonderful things.

Hey....if you can control it.......and have a great life..... go for it.

If you can't....then there's a wonderful life awaiting you in recovery - you just have to choose that path.

** I'd suggest though......if you didn't plan to drink at that party.......that's a pretty big indicator that you can't control when you drink or not - don't trick yourself into thinking that slips and relapse are OK. If you're an alcoholic, those are big parts of what kills us. Matter of fact, I just was at a funeral for a 51 year old guy.....he had 15 years or so dry...... his "relapse" cost him his life.

jmcfee

well said. it starts with one, and with each one after that its harder to stop. before you know it you're 30 deep in a stupor...

CarolD

A few drinks? No you went far past that You were not a social drinker at all.
You may have been in social situation...at home and maybe at the bar...you were not drinking normally.

Ergo the guilty feelings that you drowned with more alcohol.

Sorry to know you caved in ...please find someway to stop and stay quit...alcohol damages so many things...

abd112

Thanks for all the posts guys, I am going to try to stay sober again. I feel bad that I ruined almost a month sober, but I think I knew I as going to take that first drink when I was getting ready for the night.

29 days is the longest I have been sober since after I had my daughter about four and a half years ago, the longest since then was maybe three weeks I can't remember. I used to usually drink on the weekends and maybe once during the week. As for a program to help me stay sober I've just been doing it on my own.

Froglet

It can happen, which is why this can be tougher for those w/ a drinking habit. Stay strong, but being honest is a great step.

Terminally Unique

Just my two cents here. I'm not one with a purity fetish per se, as I have seen former drunks go back to moderate drinking. That said, when I say moderate, I mean once a month, not two drinks every day, or even once a week. I can't tell you whether or not you could pull that off, but given that you weren't even able to go a month without, and you say that is the longest in four and a half years, I would wager that you can't, or at least that you don't want to.

I would caution you against using this one experience as a predictor, however. After 29 days, your tolerance has dropped some, and your liver has had some time to rest, but you can very easily get hooked again. I quit for over a month once, and then drank, and had a similar experience. Nothing bad happened the first time I drank again, and I didn't even feel sick, since four beers pretty much got me hammered. My usual nightly intake prior to that was a fifth of whiskey.

The problem was, a week later, I thought "well, nothing bad happened last time, let's try this again." Then I didn't even wait a week, and it was "well, as soon as the weekend comes, let's try this again." Then it was "oh, I'll just drink after 6 PM," and pretty soon, my tolerance ramped right back up, and I was back on the whiskey. BIG MISTAKE. I was drunk for two years after that, every day, and quitting was a nightmare compared to the first time.

Spawn

Normal drinking?

That's a dangerous thought if your an alcoholic.

instant

If you haven't had a look I suggest reading parts of the Big Book (it is free online). In my experience over many years moderation (or getting hammered less frequently) is just to much effort to maintain and cannot be maintained over the longer term.

You are not factoring in the fact that alcohol is an addictive substance, that is why problems are progressive. Read your post again and imagine if you were talking about heroin, and you may see the danger.

I am only day 66 but I have found sobriety to be a release not a sentence

Mad4Chaos

My oldest son tells me it's a habit for me instead of an addiction. There's no way I can let myself believe that. You stumbled & fell. Learn from this experience & keep on the path.

TheEnd

It sounds like you were successful in your opinion and if that's your goal, then more power to you. Just make sure when you're measuring your success you keep the bar high and don't keep moving it around to make yourself seem like successful.

I had plenty of nights like that where nothing went wrong. Then I might have a slip and drink a little too much. Instead of looking at it as a slip I would say, "I didn't go on a 3 day binge so everything is OK" or "My partner isn't mad at me, so no worries".

Time will tell if this is something you can keep up. Just remember where you set the bar so you will know when and if you have failed.

KellyToronto

Abd112, are you looking for alcoholics on SR to agree with you, that you have succeeding in establishing the fact that you have arrived in the Land of Controlled Drinking?

I can only speak for myself, but once I take that first drink, ALL BETS ARE OFF where I shall end up.

I wish you well, in that Land...I could never navigate to it.

Kelly