mercurial me

....and that is you have to be accountable to someone. I can no longer drink in silence and have no one to be accountable to. Someone is checking in. Someone out there cares about me.

mercurial me

Letting people in doesn't come easily to me. Thanks for the post, Sarah. I have learned that this alcoholism thing is tough to beat/impossible to beat on my own.

Whether I make it or not & I will always be blessed by the people I've met here on SR and the support I've been given..xx....mm

Huge gratitude to my current AA sponsor

Dee74

Letting people in doesn't come easily to me either, but my life's been enriched beyond measure by giving that a go

It's good to hear from you MM and great to hear you're doing well

D

ReadyAndAble

Good for you, Merc. Glad you reached out for a helping hand.

abc

A lot of people know I drink a lot. But they don't realize what a problem it is. So they don't "check up" on me. I've tried to explain to some of them how bad it is and how much I drink and how I must stop. They usually dismiss it by saying something like, "no you are just bored and have nothing to do, get a hobby." They really don't get it. They think me finding a hobby will cure alcoholism. I would just drink and do the hobby at the same time. My alcoholism doesn't bother anyone else so nobody really cares. And they don't understand the true nature of it all because they aren't alcoholics. That's why I came here. I need people to remind me every single day that I have a problem and I don't drink like normal people and that I must abstain. Thanks everyone.
Cuz of you I'm on Day 20.

PaleMale

Before I started AA, I didn't know anyone who didn't drink. And most of them drink far more than I did and would likely try to convince me I don't have a problem (thus mitigating the damage my sobriety does to their alcoholic minds!)

The folks I have met in recovery, are genuinely interested in preserving their and my sobriety. Some call it 'positive peer influence.' I call it a gift.

recoverywfaith

Merc,

Good to hear from you and that you are taking action in your recovery. Very happy that you posted and shared with us!

DayTrader

I've always felt that a good sponsor SHOULD hold me accountable. Addictions don't like (as if they had feelings) accountability though....it's like they want you to be alone so they can work you over. The more accountability you have though, the better your chances.

One of the things my line of sponsorship requires is that you state your last drink date before you speak in AA - from the podium or even just at tables. A big part of that is the accountability factor. If one goes back out, they're forced to either come clean.....or lie......at EVERY meeting. I've known a lot of guys who chose to lie.....and, sooner or later, it ate and ate at them until they finally came clean and got back on track with recovery.

FWIW, I ask my sponsor to hold me accountable to stuff all the time - working on something at home, job stuff, AA service work....... I know that my tendency can switch into isolating, lying....and eventually back to drinking. If he's holding my feel to the fire though, I'm more likely to stay on track.

whiskeyman

i chose a sposor that would hold me accoountable for my actions. one tough cookies. alot of sobriety. and did well fr along time. she had rules for me, call everday, dont drink, attend lots of meeting, dont ever phone her drunk. she sat with me every meeting. i didnt feel alone.

until i made one fatal mistake, i drank abit (not much) and was so ashamed that i ran to my meeting as fast as i could go.
i sat with my sposor as sober as i could be and she called me on it. As most alcoholic do, I LIED and said i didnt. she insisted i did, and i insisted back.

I left the meeting in hysterics as i knew i had become someone that i never thought i would becoome. dishonest to the core.

she called me that evening and fired me, and told me that when i was truly ready to do this she would be there for me but not until.

i have had a rock bottom since and and still going to meetings but am going to tread the waters slowly this time, dont jump in too fast, the steps are not a quick fix, do them all in one day and you are cured.

Be ready, willing and stop. the work to recover

PaperDolls

Lovely post mercurial me.

What I got early on, besides the accountability, was just being around people. I had isolated myself so much. I had no friends to speak of. It was nice feeling like I was "part of" as opposed to "apart from".

Good luck to you on your journey!

TwelveSteps

agreed! I always found that the evenings on which I REALLY REALLY wanted to just sit home by myself were the ones on which I was later most grateful to have forced myself to go to a meeting.

GG

BullDog777

it's awsome to hear that you're in AA and got a sponser. i'm pulling for you mercurial!!

aussieblue

mercurial me , thinking of you and wishing you lots of sober days ahead.

SSIL75

I somehow missed this post. Made my morning!