Sounds like you were locked and loaded, looked through the scope and saw that you were the one in the crosshairs. Good to hear you ejected the cartridge instead of shooting yourself.
Today was not the day to die. Funny thing that came of staring down that abyss tho is that it put all of the things that had been so badly overwhelming me squarely back into perspective, and while I don't recommend dancing around the danger point for kicks, I will say that it can help to jog the memory of what truly is at stake.
Serious thanks to you all for humoring and helping me. I'd be awfully alone in this without your support.