thekat

Hi everyone,
As some of you know I'm on day 6 and to be honest I'm feeling really really good and positive. But on Sunday I go back to my own home (staying with Dad at the moment) and starting to worry a bit about what will happen when I get back. First of all I have 3 young people desending on the house on Tuesday/Wednesday, my 2 step daughters plus ones' boyfriend, they do not know I have quit (although I'm sure they will be thrilled!!). Just unsure about how well I will cope with that since I've spent the last week or so basically in isolation! And they will all probably be drinking I really am going to have to pull together all the strengh I can.
Secondly, I still haven't told my best friend, this is tricky because to be honest all we ever do is drink together, and since that's all she ever wants to do on her day off I'm concerned that she will not want to do other things with me that don't involve drinking, and at the same time I'm not ready to tell her yet, as much as I love her and her husband, get a few drinks down them and their toungues loosen, and I don't want my personal business broadcast to whoevers company they may be in at the time.
Sorry, I know these are just ramblings but just a couple of things that are starting to niggle at me as Sunday approaches.....

MycoolFitz

Well its sobriety in the real world. You only have control over your thoughts and actions. You can't control what others think or do. Sometimes our fears are biggger and scarier than our reality. In any case, if you made your committment (and I'd like to propose peace) with your decision regarding sobriety stick with it through thick and thin. There will be easier times and environments and harder times and environments but eventually you and those around you will identify you as a sober person and that context will become increasingly more the norm.

thekat

Thanks, I know what I have to do really, sometimes just feels better to get these thoughts out before they drive me nuts giong round and round in my head

CarolD

Staying connected with us is a really good idea...
We do understand and someone is here 24/7 to share with.

Englishrose70

Hi Thekat

I am on Day 4 and I hope my situation will help you a little bit.

I live in a village approx 200m from our local pub. All our village friends drink and the pub is a local meeting place to chat and of course drink, alot. Last weekend after a particularly heavy session (after years of them, and plent of drinking at home too and on any other occasion that drinking gave rise to), I decided I cant go on like this.

My husband works away in the week and he has no idea of my decision. He also has no idea I drink in the week (2 bottles of white wine a night) he thinks I only indulge with him at weekends. The weekly habit formed through comfort and boredom and loneliness.

Tomorrow night is pub night. eeeeek dillemma but when I order my orange and soda and the wave of "what?" come flooding my way I am just going to say, "hey guys, I had quite a bit last weekend, just laying off it for a bit"

Delaying tactics but I know it will work for this weekend in the pub. The question is can I cope and I really hope I abstain.

So what happens next weekend then? Well I am going to tell them, "Do you know what, I felt pretty good without this week so I am just going to stick with it a bit longer"

They wont like it, my "friends" will feel threatened. All drinkers feel threatened by none drinkers. They think you are self virtuous and boring. I know... I was that person.

You have to question, if all you do with your friends is drink and if they do not accept your new status, then are they friends after all?

I also questioned myself, how even more devastated would I be when I am suffering from liver disease to think I didnt stop for fear of not "fitting in with my friends or worse offending them"?

We get one shot at this life, just one. God gave us this life to live with a purpose and that purpose is not at the bottom of a bottle.

I also think, there is a drought in Africa right now, people are dying in appalling conditions through no fault of their own, dying of thirst and I sit and think how can I feel sorry for myself and my alcoholic thirst when I have life giving water at the turn of a tap.

This is how I am helping myself to pull through. I hope it resonates with you a little, true friends will love you come what may. If they dont then they never were true friends and the world if full of new potential ones that will have your back and nurture you in your sobriety.

Love and light to you and please let me know how this weekend goes and I will let you how mine does, message me if you wish .xxx

KellyToronto

Good for you, you at least have a PLAN!

My friend Rod used to spend from 5 - 9 at night, in a pub near his apartment.

He worked from home...and could WALK there in 3 minutes...thus avoiding a DUI.

He now realizes that 99% of the people he "chummed with" were only there for the A L C O H O L...so it has been easy for him to give them up as "friends"...which they were not, really and truly.

:-<

So, you are right in your comment about the people YOU hang around with at the pub, being just drinking partners.

Rose, why not do what I did: "I can't drink - my doctor said not to mix alcohol with my high blood pressure medication."

...and guess what? I really AM on blood pressure medication, in fact, 2 types.

But until April 19, 2011, I used to mix the B.P. pills WITH alcohol.

I wish you well - you do realize the horrified looks on people's faces, at the pub, when they hear you say "orange and soda, please".

Kelly

Remember the ancient Chinese proverb - MAY YOU LIVE IN INTERESTING TIMES.

Confucius

thekat

I know it will not only be a test for me but also a test for the people close to me. I can already forsee the people who will be filtered out into REAL friends and fairweather friends. My resolve is still the same, I am comitted to staying sober, it's what I want and need for my health, my life, my family, my amazing husband and most importantly for me.
I am so happy to have SR too, it has been an unbelievable support this last week, thank you to everyone.

BennyHill

thekat,

Good luck with everything.
Everybody does things differently, and I chose to tell anybody and everybody in my circle that I quit drinking. Period. Some were shocked, some were incredibly supportive, some asked "Even wine?", some I have not seen since.
For me it would have been too difficult to come up with a story such as the drink interferes w/me meds, I had too much last weekend, etc.

Do what YOU feel is right. I truly wish you the best in your sobriety!

raindancer11

Great job on your 6 days. I'm on Day 22 and have avoided everyone that I could avoid. In those cases where I couldn't, it really helped me to log on to SR beforehand. Also, it helps to have an excuse to leave even temporarily if anything gets too overwhelming. Glad you are here.

DayTrader

Kat.....

that's alcohol talking to you - getting you worried about how the weekend, the kids, the neighbors......... If you're an alcoholic, those "voices" can and will have the power to take you back to your next first drink.

I'd strongly recommend upping your game in sobriety. Maybe that means not going home this weekend, maybe that means working one of the programs of recovery that are available, maybe that means........well, it just means that, if nothing else, you may be dealing with a bigger problem than you realize at the moment - you might be an alcoholic.

David 1

"Just unsure about how well I will cope with that since I've spent the last week or so basically in isolation! And they will all probably be drinking I really am going to have to pull together all the strengh I can."


I can tell you what I did early in my recovery. Of course my wife know about my alcohol issues and we agreed NO ALCOHOL in our home until I felt comfortable with it. How long was that? SIX MONTHS SOBER!

My wife had no problem with no alcohol in the house since she is not an alcoholic and wanted to support my sobriety.

That is what I needed to stay sober!

Dave

detroiter

I'm not saying that telling lies is a good thing, nor am I saying that the tactic I'm about to share is a good idea, but it worked for me. I had to lie to my drunken friends to stop hassling me to drink (although half the peer pressure of drinking was self inflicted). The HARDEST thing about going sober for me was losing the social aspect of it and all the friends, although at times I just used the social aspect as an excuse to get drunk all day. Friends (even the drinking buddies) can snap into reality rather quickly if they are informed that your health is low and that you are clinically depressed. Tell them that you got a blood test and your liver enzymes are elevated and that you are taking depression medications that you can't drink on.... Or something of that nature… My cousin is a doctor so he told me what to say lol. Basically I convinced my friends that I wanted to drink and that I love to drink with them, but my body wouldn't permit me to anymore. They understood, they felt bad for me, and many of them in fact re-evaluated their drinking out of worries that their bodies may be going through the same thing. It was an extreme step that I took on my road to sobriety after around 9 years of college style binge drinking almost every day. Now I can still go out with them, and I cringe to think that I used to drink like them. I just drink red bulls and I make an effort to engage in conversations. If you act happy, they'll think you're happy, and soon you'll be happy. Starting off is the hardest step, but when you’re sober, life becomes a high. There’s so much more to life than drinking. If you can't hang out with your friends and stay sober, you'll never lose your habit. So lose the habit, or lose the friends. It all has to start somewhere. This tactic worked for me, but it won't work for everyone.

Dee74

Welcome detroiter

The problem for me with using a medical excuse is in most cases it's finite...sooner or later people will ask again...'surely you're better now?'...

In my case, I couldn't hang with my old friends anymore anyway - their way of life nearly killed me.

I liked being straight up too. I'd lied for too long

I do understand that there are other ways to mine though - and I'm glad yours has worked for you...

Welcome
D

detroiter

Dee,

You're totally right, questions were DEFINITELY asked again... and they still are. I always stuck to the same story though: The liver takes a long time to heal and according to my doctor mine hasn't fully healed yet, and I needed my depression meds or I get random suicidal thoughts, and I always made it clear that I really missed drinking with them and that I still love being around them because it reminds me of the good days (all lies). I know, the lies were super extreme, but I didn't know what else to do lol. It's weird to think that lying to my friends saved my life.... I guess I had to lie or just drop them, and I didn't have the strength to drop them. Fortunately after being sober my interests in that group of friends started to diminish. I realized that every good time I've had with them was when we were drunk, and we hadn't done anything fun without drinking since we were 16. Time took us apart from each other. I got sick of watching idiots drink, and watching them do nothing with their lives. We're all still pretty young, the drinking also started when we were very young. I'm glad I'm on the right path now, they definitely aren't.

sunrise1

Early in my recovery attempts, I too used alternate excuses because I was terrified of peoples' reactions and because I didn't want to rain on anyone's parade. I am in a band, which means that I am in bars or at least restaurants many nights all that serve alcohol. I didn't want to tell my best friend because I desperately worried that she would think I wasn't fun anymore.

Now 2 years after that I finally this past weekend told her. Having been sober for most of the 2 years around her (we see each other about once a quarter) and still dancing on the bar and being as crazy as ever, she was happy that I had told her and by now she was most convinced that our events together would be no less fun because one of us isn't drinking.

Glad you're here... keep posting!

Reset

When the young people come over (how old are they anyway?), just say you're not feeling that great and retire to your room. In my opinion it's totally ok to avoid situations where alcohol will be present at the beginning of your sobriety. Do whatever you need to to get over the hump, deal with the real facts later and when you're comfortable talking about it.

You'll also find out who your friends really are. Sad that it has to be that way but you'll probably lose some friends and the reactions of a lot of people might positively surprise you.

I just spent a week with my boss (he lives overseas; we're really good friends and used to drink A LOT together). After a couple of months I told him about my decision and while I was with him, he drank like the old days and I hung out drinking soda. And we still had a blast. There was one tempting moment but for the most part it was great. You never know, maybe you'll get to the point where you can hang with your friend while she drinks and you'll still be good friends.

thekat

Have been thinking a lot this morning, I feel strong and am still dedicated to staying sober. I need to have a good long talk with my husband about what is going to happen when I get home. Since he has been begging me to get clean for so long, I'm sure he is willing to do whatever it takes for me to feel comfortable, and if that means no alcohol in the house then everyone will have to deal with that. There are plenty places for the young'uns to go for a drink if they want one.
But I think that they will probably just respect we are not drinking in the house, they are aware of my struggle and bless them they are supportive and give me nothing but love.
Looking forward to getting back to my new little house, miss my Husband and our dog terribly, need a big hug from him, that Man has been moving heaven and earth for me just lately, I am so lucky. I don't know how or why he has put up with me, maybe he still sees a little bit of the girl he fell in love with somewhere inside me. He does say when I had my nightmares while drinking that it was like the 'old' me was fighting to try and get out.
Day 7

KellyToronto

You have a good, supportive, man by your side - that makes a BIG difference.

Is it anxiety that caused you to drink?

Kelly

Nitram

I know exacly how that is. I'm trying to give up the stuff myself right now, as you might've noticed in the chatroom, and I also have a friend (one of my best friends since we were 5 years old) who all I do is drink or party with. I don't even want to be around alcohol at the moment, which means I will most probably not even be able to hang out with him since he will without a doubt have some alcohol even then.

This might not help you, but the point is that you're not alone.

Drexo

Situations can turnout surprisingly different than expected. I was in the same situation with a drinking friend, but after I told him I chose to stop drinking I motivated him to stop too... I didn't expect that to happen at all.

I hope you'll both find your way with your friends!