doomedwinter

hi. my name is mari, and my mother is an alcoholic. she has been drinking since 17, and is 47 now. everyday when i watch the news, i see perfectly inncoent people die, and i think, it should have been her. i hate my mother. i truly, truly do. she does not deserve anything she has gotten out of life. she has a big house, a great husband, and i have given her everything i possibly could. but not anymore. there is a new song by good charlotte about suicide. it doesnt sound so bad to me. she refuses to go to aa because she doesnt think she has a problem, and i cant bring myself to go to a support group. besides that, no one cares enough about me to take me. sorry, just had to let off some steam.

phoenix

Hi mari,and welcome.

We have an Al Anon forum here for the families and friends of alcoholics.What you are feeling is perfectly understandable,and you'll find a lot of support there.It's fine to blow off steam.We all need that sometimes.I think you already know that no one can help your mother.But there is a lot you can do to help yourself get through this.I hope you find some peace of mind.

Hugs,

phoenix

boop64132

Hi Mary,Welcome to SR!!
Glad you found us.I am the alcoholic in my
house ...so I cant help much,but I do have children,and I know from my own experiance that it is hard on them.So it must be hard on you also.
I have a 20 year old son that I have not spoken to in over 1 year and a half.
And I miss him terribly!! But it was my drinking that took him away from me.
I know you say you hate your mom,
but is it because of the alcohol??
If so...would you want a relationship with her if she quit?
You will find alot of support here.I have.Check out the al-anon forums.
Im sure they will help.
Alcohol is not only good at destroying the individual person....it desroys the entire family!!
Hang in there..........Betty

doomedwinter

betty,
1) partly
2) no
The pain she has caused me can never be forgiven. Before I realized what was going on, I had a ton of friends and was always happy. I got fabulous grades and everyone loved. Then, in 6th grade, I realized what was happening and alienated everyone except my best friend. I could never tell her, though. This year I have begun to accept the fact that not everyone hates me or is plotting against me, and I told my new best friend (the old one moved to chicago) about my mother. It turned out her aunt and uncle are the same way. I still get really good grades, but the only reason I do that is so I can get out of this house and into college with a full scholarship. My mom does not want me to go to college because she thinks (knows) we can't afford it. Upon telling me this I said, "And do you know WHY?" Of course she didn't. She was drunk. And bringing me home from school. I yelled, "You're wrong! I'm getting out of here and away from you! I will not see you nor speak to you until I come back to dance on your grave and laugh at your funeral." The people in the next lane gave us a petrified look. I have never said something that cruel, or that true. I do not regret saying it. Never have, never will. (and im pasting this in the al-anon forum now)

thanks everyone for your words of encouagement.

boop64132

Mary,
I am so so sorry that your mom has hurt you.
Maybe now that you have distanced yourself from her you can finally get on to whats important....helping you.
It sounds like she really hurt you.

I cried reading your post.That is probably how my son feels about me also.
Its sad that alcohol can destroy so many people.

HUGS TO YOU!!!!
Take care!!
Betty

Chy

Marii welcome and I'm glad your here.
I'm a mom who got sober and hope I never inflicted the kind of pain your going through. Keep those goals you've set for yourself and find peace by getting into a support group, be it counseling, alanon, whatever! You deserve to be happy! We're here and listening.