Day 38 without alcohol... not enough for my mother though.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 1,202
Day 38 without alcohol... not enough for my mother though.
I'm trying real hard, but she's pushing me in stress to the end of my rope to be perfectly honest. I can't take much more, she's now insisting I stop my drugs and is monitoring me like a HAWK. I ... am beginning to detest my own mother honestly. Just thought I'd vent it, with all she's made me feel insecure tonight I literally puked and feel horrific. Just saying. 
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 10
Paulos, my dear son, why can't you be brutally honest about what is really going on? How can you go to a recovery help site and NOT tell the truth?
The plain truth is your Tramadol was taken from you by me, because instead of taking 2-3 pills per day (as per Rx. is 2/day) I calculated one week from the fill date - you were taking 5.3 per day.
Now, I'm sorry if I'm always the bad one, but as I explained to you the last few days, since you will not/cannot attend normal rehab, I must intervene. You know you are trying to beat alcohol which is terrific. Almost 40 days. And I congratulate you every night at midnight.
You have another issue with drugs. You know this must be addressed, and because I decided to take back you pill bottle ("but it's my prescription") You wanted to be free with your Rx. bottle since it is in your name, okay, so I gave it to you…for the moment). I knew I would need to check it after 7 days.
I know you are almost 26 years old, but this problem needs attention. As usual, you will run out of Tramadol and hope that I can get another Rx. I told you that's the end of that, you will get it when it's due, and not before. I also stated that I will give you two pills per day as per Rx. This made you very upset.
Do you think I like being in this position? I do not. I told you because you don't want to go to rehab, that you won't like me, and I have to be strong and I am far from a counselor, but I spend much time with you discussing your issues.
I am also a member of SR. I know you have been hurt from being taken from hosting the meetings years ago, I'm sorry about that. You know I intervened on your behalf to get you back on SR, you can’t forget all this.
You have had a difficult time. But, my feeling here is you should be truthful with SR if you want to recover. You cannot keep blaming others. You have to explain what YOU are really doing, example, with the Tramadol. I know it's hard to be honest and you may feel embarrassed, but if you truly want help, lying will never get you to the right destination.
Tell them you do not believe in AA so perhaps you won't get any responses that you do not appreciate from AA members. At my urging, you and your former step-father did attend one meeting, you tried it once and you threw up outside of Dan's truck after that night. Although, Dan said you were one of the best speaking people there, and I do not deny it, basing it on the fact that a lot of those people were either just out of jail, going to jail, dealing with court issues, wife/husband issues and more. Yes, I can see how all those would not apply to you but, you can always learn something from someone.
Anyway, I guess you will be mad, yet again (what else is new!) from this post. But, for your own self, you need to be honest with any recovery place online. Seriously.
Sorry that I'm the one that had to "out" you, but you'd never do it on your own. I understand that, everyone wants to look better than they are but online, but it seems on SR most people do tell it like it is, and you need to do that, for yourself. Love, Mom
P.S. I really do not like the publicizing of this, but it needs to be stated. Thank you.
The plain truth is your Tramadol was taken from you by me, because instead of taking 2-3 pills per day (as per Rx. is 2/day) I calculated one week from the fill date - you were taking 5.3 per day.
Now, I'm sorry if I'm always the bad one, but as I explained to you the last few days, since you will not/cannot attend normal rehab, I must intervene. You know you are trying to beat alcohol which is terrific. Almost 40 days. And I congratulate you every night at midnight.
You have another issue with drugs. You know this must be addressed, and because I decided to take back you pill bottle ("but it's my prescription") You wanted to be free with your Rx. bottle since it is in your name, okay, so I gave it to you…for the moment). I knew I would need to check it after 7 days.
I know you are almost 26 years old, but this problem needs attention. As usual, you will run out of Tramadol and hope that I can get another Rx. I told you that's the end of that, you will get it when it's due, and not before. I also stated that I will give you two pills per day as per Rx. This made you very upset.
Do you think I like being in this position? I do not. I told you because you don't want to go to rehab, that you won't like me, and I have to be strong and I am far from a counselor, but I spend much time with you discussing your issues.
I am also a member of SR. I know you have been hurt from being taken from hosting the meetings years ago, I'm sorry about that. You know I intervened on your behalf to get you back on SR, you can’t forget all this.
You have had a difficult time. But, my feeling here is you should be truthful with SR if you want to recover. You cannot keep blaming others. You have to explain what YOU are really doing, example, with the Tramadol. I know it's hard to be honest and you may feel embarrassed, but if you truly want help, lying will never get you to the right destination.
Tell them you do not believe in AA so perhaps you won't get any responses that you do not appreciate from AA members. At my urging, you and your former step-father did attend one meeting, you tried it once and you threw up outside of Dan's truck after that night. Although, Dan said you were one of the best speaking people there, and I do not deny it, basing it on the fact that a lot of those people were either just out of jail, going to jail, dealing with court issues, wife/husband issues and more. Yes, I can see how all those would not apply to you but, you can always learn something from someone.
Anyway, I guess you will be mad, yet again (what else is new!) from this post. But, for your own self, you need to be honest with any recovery place online. Seriously.
Sorry that I'm the one that had to "out" you, but you'd never do it on your own. I understand that, everyone wants to look better than they are but online, but it seems on SR most people do tell it like it is, and you need to do that, for yourself. Love, Mom
P.S. I really do not like the publicizing of this, but it needs to be stated. Thank you.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 38
Oh my god. None of this needs to be stated, Mom, in my opinion.
The goodness of this site is the anonymity and through that we can all put forward our own series of events. Everything that we (meaning addicts, as I am) is real to us even if we are making ourselves out to be more functional that we really are or 'trying out' the person we would like to be. That in itself is a healing experience.
No one can control another's life. Where we get in life with regard to our addiction can ONLY be driven by ourselves.
My sympathy to both of you, you are both obviously in distress. To Paulos: I can unerstand much more clearly where you are at as I was there, not very long ago. Please keep your chin up. You can do it, but it is up to you and you alone. I felt in the very early days as though it was a very loney road but after a month in it is good, very good, just believe in yourself. To Mom: Paulos need to find his own way. If he is only doing it because mommy is policing him, what happens when you are not there?
Sorry if i've overstepped any lines. I don't comment often but this thread was compelling
The goodness of this site is the anonymity and through that we can all put forward our own series of events. Everything that we (meaning addicts, as I am) is real to us even if we are making ourselves out to be more functional that we really are or 'trying out' the person we would like to be. That in itself is a healing experience.
No one can control another's life. Where we get in life with regard to our addiction can ONLY be driven by ourselves.
My sympathy to both of you, you are both obviously in distress. To Paulos: I can unerstand much more clearly where you are at as I was there, not very long ago. Please keep your chin up. You can do it, but it is up to you and you alone. I felt in the very early days as though it was a very loney road but after a month in it is good, very good, just believe in yourself. To Mom: Paulos need to find his own way. If he is only doing it because mommy is policing him, what happens when you are not there?
Sorry if i've overstepped any lines. I don't comment often but this thread was compelling
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 10
Oh god, you try to be honest on a site and you get responses like Hibou's. I could argue every sentence you presented but I don't have the time, see, I have been up all night making sure my son isn't drinking or drugging and taking care of my 78 year old father who fell, so I needed to "police" him in the bathroom so he didn't fall.
I respond to you only because you have obviously no clue what is going on in our real world, I doubt you are autistic, and are Not in this same situation. This is a lot different than "normal" people who have drug problems. A high functioning (as Paul-his real name is) autistic can not figure out "No one can control another's life. Where we get in life with regard to our addiction can ONLY be driven by ourselves". Not everyone has that capability, and I'd suggest you research before you respond. And, yes, you did overstep. Also, this was a great comment you made, "Paulos need to find his own way. If he is only doing it because mommy is policing him, what happens when you are not there?".
Some day I will not be here. That is my son's worst fear. I would like to get him off of this crap so he can learn more every day important things to survive in my house when I'm gone, instead of him going into a "home". That is the last thing I want. Paul needs more help to "find his own way". Not just me. He has autism. He cannot find his OWN way. I'm only "policing" him because he refuses rehab, AA or any other method. So, as a parent, I can not and will not see my son destory his life any longer.
Imagine if I were to tell the doctor what is REALLY going on. You think that is ok? That I have to lie and have lied for years for my son? I've done it. Yes. I'm WRONG. He needs to admit it, he will never want me to tell his only dr. who is a GP, that he's abusing drugs, not a shrink, not anyone with any specific degrees. He has given up on those professionals.
Prior to this, we also lied about the alcohol. As you can see, Paul has been on this site for several years. You, are a newcomer. Please do your research before you do the same to another person with a disability.
Thank you for the prayers Chicory. We certainly need them. My brother is a priest and he prays for me every day, as he only knows a small part of this situation.
Good luck to everyone on this site, there are so many very supportive people here
K.
I respond to you only because you have obviously no clue what is going on in our real world, I doubt you are autistic, and are Not in this same situation. This is a lot different than "normal" people who have drug problems. A high functioning (as Paul-his real name is) autistic can not figure out "No one can control another's life. Where we get in life with regard to our addiction can ONLY be driven by ourselves". Not everyone has that capability, and I'd suggest you research before you respond. And, yes, you did overstep. Also, this was a great comment you made, "Paulos need to find his own way. If he is only doing it because mommy is policing him, what happens when you are not there?".
Some day I will not be here. That is my son's worst fear. I would like to get him off of this crap so he can learn more every day important things to survive in my house when I'm gone, instead of him going into a "home". That is the last thing I want. Paul needs more help to "find his own way". Not just me. He has autism. He cannot find his OWN way. I'm only "policing" him because he refuses rehab, AA or any other method. So, as a parent, I can not and will not see my son destory his life any longer.
Imagine if I were to tell the doctor what is REALLY going on. You think that is ok? That I have to lie and have lied for years for my son? I've done it. Yes. I'm WRONG. He needs to admit it, he will never want me to tell his only dr. who is a GP, that he's abusing drugs, not a shrink, not anyone with any specific degrees. He has given up on those professionals.
Prior to this, we also lied about the alcohol. As you can see, Paul has been on this site for several years. You, are a newcomer. Please do your research before you do the same to another person with a disability.
Thank you for the prayers Chicory. We certainly need them. My brother is a priest and he prays for me every day, as he only knows a small part of this situation.
Good luck to everyone on this site, there are so many very supportive people here
K.
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Autism and Addiction. Not something that I have much knowledge of. I am around autistics from time to time. I am a boy scout leader and we have had several that have been scouts... I rather enjoyed them, especially on hikes.
I can only imagine the special challenges. I always felt a struggle going on inside the people I knew... I could see reaching for artificial help. I could also see that AA would be very uncomfortable.
Welcome back Daisy, Prayers to both Paul and yourself. Maybe Paul can come back on and this can be an open process.
I can only imagine the special challenges. I always felt a struggle going on inside the people I knew... I could see reaching for artificial help. I could also see that AA would be very uncomfortable.
Welcome back Daisy, Prayers to both Paul and yourself. Maybe Paul can come back on and this can be an open process.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 10
Thank you Mark. It means much to me. When I get time, I will read your posts. You have been around a while, so I'm assuming perhaps you know Paul.You have been around autistics so you do have some insight. You are so right what you said that "I always felt a stuggle goin on inside the people I knew... I could see reaching for artificial help...."
You are son on target there and also about AA being uncomfortable. I was so happy that at least he gave it a shot. Something which was very hard for him to do. And sadly, he got sick right after the meeting, which is something that occurs often, when he is under any pressure. He is definitely not AA material, and he has told me many times that a lot of persons on this site try to push it on him. I'm so proud that he went. My ex-husband described it as this: "he was the youngest one there, he also had a disability (autism), he spoke before the crowd in the most intelligent manner, quite surpassing all others". Now this was his first time around so many people. He even came home and told me the whole story (leaving out the vomitting part when he left) of how he was nervous but confident. Some of the participants were shocked at how well he presented himself (not a surprise at all to me, my son is very well versed in the English language, so much so that he speaks in such a way that commands attention. He does not speak like your usual 25 year old. When Paul speaks, people actually stop and listen and comment later how amazing he is)... and his IS amazing.
Thank you Mark for your prayers and thoughts, a great help!
Kathleen
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Yes...it's a difficult situation that both of you are in....I wish there was a simple answer but there is not.
however please remember we are here as a peer support site and share from that perspective ..
This Forum is titled Alcoholism
Prayers continue for Paul and Daisy
however please remember we are here as a peer support site and share from that perspective ..
This Forum is titled Alcoholism
Prayers continue for Paul and Daisy
Last edited by CarolD; 07-01-2011 at 06:06 AM.
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Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 145
" Oh god, you try to be honest on a site and you get responses like Hibou's"
If you post your personal business online, you leave yourself open to opinion, whether it is something you want to hear or not. I hope all works out for you both.......addiction is a long and difficult road.
If you post your personal business online, you leave yourself open to opinion, whether it is something you want to hear or not. I hope all works out for you both.......addiction is a long and difficult road.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 10
Gee Thanks Shantra! I already know that. And I know there are lots of people how can I say, of different caliber than my son.
Are you autistic? Do you have an autistic in you family? Probably not, judging by your oh so overused phrase, "it is what it is" comment. Thank you that really makes such a difference.
Are you autistic? Do you have an autistic in you family? Probably not, judging by your oh so overused phrase, "it is what it is" comment. Thank you that really makes such a difference.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 10
Carol, yes. Thank you for the reminder. I certainly do believe in "peer support" but I also believe in complete honesty. That's all. No games, no lies, make believe.... all as it relates to drinking and drugs.
I do not like responses from people who are in no way schooled with what it truly means to have autism, high functioning, like Paul and to be trapped in your own body. Because this is a little more complex I suppose than the regular I want to stop drinking person, there will be all kinds of reponses, which I was already anticipating.
I will protect my son at all costs no matter what. Most parents would, and considering his disability, well, enough said.
Thank you. K.
I do not like responses from people who are in no way schooled with what it truly means to have autism, high functioning, like Paul and to be trapped in your own body. Because this is a little more complex I suppose than the regular I want to stop drinking person, there will be all kinds of reponses, which I was already anticipating.
I will protect my son at all costs no matter what. Most parents would, and considering his disability, well, enough said.
Thank you. K.
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