babycat

I really did not realize how much work this would be. And the problem is, that I am not doing it. After working full time and being a full time student, the last thing I want to do is go to meetings and actively work the steps. When I have a moment off, I want to chill. I want a drink. And yeah, I have been drinking again and not going to meetings.
When I stop drinking for even a few days I feel AMAZING! No anxiety, so much motivation, I eat better, work out a ton. So why do I go back?! Its so stupid!
Obviously, I am struggling today. Well, have been for a while. I realized that at the end of August it will be a year since I first realized I had a problem. I don't want to be one of those people who tried to quit for years.

I thought I had mastered "drinking socially" (which really just meant not drinking to the point of blacking out.) But regardless, it creeps back up and I fully realize i cannot control my drinking and I have got to stop.
I am wondering if maybe I should take some time off work and school so I can really, truly focus on it. Cuz like I said, I am freaken busy and just don't feel like doing what I need to do when I get a moment. Anyone do this? Take time just to get healthy? Or am I just being a baby?

Bikeguy

I think we all have to plan some "ME" time during the day, be it working on sobriety or just taking care of ourselves. Just remember if your not healthy the rest of all that daily stuff means nothing. Take care of yourself first and let the rest of life fall in place after that.

Tuesday24

babycat- I had to take time off. If I didnt, I would not have a career or a life to go back to. I have always put everything ahead of myself and realized that it was my turn. It is not being a baby or being selfish. Being an active alcoholic is selfish.
Just a word of caution from my experiences. If you decide to take some time off you will have A LOT of time on your hands. Use it wisely.
Best wishes

flutter

I think there's a big difference between interest and committment, when it comes to a lot of things in life, including recovery (it's also a popular term in the weight loss circles).

I also think that when we've truly had enough, recovery becomes our priority in life, and we'll attempt to move mountains to get there.

I have absolutely no idea how I had so much time to drink so much, but I certainly prioritized it in my life so that I did..

I hope you find the motivation you're looking for to change your life, I have found it well worth it

doggonecarl

If you can find the time to drink, you can find the time to work on your recovery.

babycat

So true. I worked as a personal trainer, and yeah, always said, "if you can find time to watch the Bachelor, Lost, and Jersey Shore, you have time to exercise."
Admittedly tho, I am lazy. When I have a moment off, I don't want to work. At all. Which is why I am considering a real break.

Boleo

I tried to "find" time for recovery and failed every time. I had to "make" time for recovery. Meaning I had to make it my number one priority for at least 6 months.

Today, I only need a an hour - three or four times a week to devote to recovery
but I still "make" time for it, no matter how busy my schedule is.

meaninglesslife

Boleo the profile picture of, what I'm assuming is, your dog actually put a big smile on my face, not any easy thing to do, thank you. Maybe I need a pet.

Takumi

You might as well get that idea CLEAR OUT OF YOUR HEAD. If you are or have ever been an alcoholic, you should commit to a LIFETIME of abstinence. I would say less than 5% of alcoholics can ever "drink socially" ever again. Almost always, one drink leads to two which leads to fifteen which leads to another decade of wasted life and wasted time, less friends, lost jobs, depression, illness....... Just forget about ever drinking again and accept it as a way of life.

babycat

I fully realize i cannot control my drinking and I have got to stop

Yeah, I am not a fool who thinks this is something I can control. Its not. I have known this for a while. But stopping is far easier said than done.

TheJungianThing

I wish I could. I can tell you my experience, that's all. I can't, but you can find it, it's out there - if you want it and are willing to go to any lengths to get it.

But I can't convince you. Look at your post though. You seem to value logic, yet your thought process is riddled with the illogical.

Do you believe in pyschic power and ability to see the future ?

rws177

I think that anything worthwhile takes hard work and effort. At least for me it does in terms of Sobriety, School, Work, Jiujitsu, Relationships and other things I value at this point in my life. Sobriety comes first thought because without that everything else seems to faulter (quickly!).

Soberpotamus

Hi Babycat, I bought a book about 5 years ago called Sober For Good. I've been trying about that long (not trying hard, I might add... until the past year) to somehow "get sober" because I knew I had a problem. And I'm like you... I really really want to be able to drink "socially". But, I can't. I have tried for at least 7-8 years to control it. I've failed miserably. I'm not one of those "rock bottom" people though and I do NOT believe you have to hit a so called "rock bottom" or lose everything you have... some people just don't have to go that far, thank god. Anyway... if you want to read numbers, percents, polls, etc... basically, interviews of people about all the ways they stopped (how, why, using what programs and combinations of programs) it's an excellent book.

Just a suggestion...

Boleo

You are getting warm...warmer... LOL!

When I say "I feel a "sense of purpose", I am saying that "THAT" is exactly, precisely and ultimately what keeps me sober - because it makes sobriety worth having. Not-drinking has nothing to do with what keeps me sober today.

Brucel

If getting and staying sober was easy, then everybody who had a problem would be. That's not the case. The only ones who fail are the ones who quit trying. Keep the faith and keep trying!!

NYCDoglvr

Since I spent time -- valuable to all of us -- on buying booze and drinking it, I figure I can find time each day to protect my sobriety in AA meetings. I couldn't get sober on my own, wouldn't have without the support of people in the rooms.

CarolD

In early sobriety...I found a group that met at 7 a.m. weekdays
8 a.m. on Saturday and Sunday.....

I liked starting my day with AA... gave me a head start on enjoying whatever.

gravity

Working full time and being a student full time is NOT lazy. I would drop that label. I have a demanding job and 50/50 joint custody of two kids and at the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is go to an AA meeting. I just wanna relax - physically & mentally recover.

When I started AA, I made it to 3 meetings a week but the key was getting a sponsor and working the steps. My sobriety and spiritual growth are strong and it is from this foundation that I live my life. I only get to a few meetings a month but I'm doing just fine.

So I think that you do have to do some intense work in early sobriety - really push yourself but the payoff is HUGE. I live an awesome life and the last thing I want to do is drink.

loveon2legs

I personally didn't go to meetings alot, I checked a few out, but what I did do was work on myself....I read alot of recovery books, prayed alot, I see a counsellor...get out into nature, meditate...there is a whole list of things you can do....the key is wanting a sober life more than anything..and surrending to the fact you can't drink like "normal" people...we've all been there..my "controlling" ended up with a dui! Don't be hard on yourself...the first step really is knowing you have a problem...then you go from there... feel things out...discover who you are...and try not focusing on your thoughts about drinking too much...let them go.....soon you will find they go away....I haven't had a real craving for over a year now....it can be done..and it is soooooooooo worth it!!!
All the best on your journey....xo

babycat

Thanks for the replies everyone. I have faith that I will get it one day. And I am never going to stop trying.
I just can't believe how quickly I can forget how terrible this drug can make me feel. 4 days sober and I magically think my problem went away and I can drink again. I don't WANT to feel that massive anxiety and hopelessness that I do after blacking out, but I need some reminder that I am far from healed just cuz I abstained for a few short days.