DayTrader

Pretty much par for the course MM. I don't say that to downplay your quandary but I hear stuff like that all the time from alcoholics. It's really quite common and probably won't bum too many experienced alkies out so I wouldn't worry about it.

You may be suffering from a problem that only a spiritual remedy will fix. I hope your ego will allow you to look at that possibility before it's too late.

mercurial me

Thanks for all the replies. I've read them all in detail and appreciate the support, criticism, and thoughtfulness. Finally got through day #1 sober. Lot's of motivation to be found in the comments here. Thanks so much..xx....mm

Sudz No More

That's awesome news Merc, I 'm really happy to hear you are going to give a fresh start. I hope only the best for you.

BullDog777

I've heard this explanation from you before. "you don't trust people". So don't. I don't either.....but i don't need to in order to stay sober. why do you?
I hear you saying you would like a support group like AA but you're not giving it a shot....i tried for awhile but what made me so turned off of the AA program was the 4th and 5th step...

it states step 4: and step 5: So, AA encourages a rigorious honesty and that you spill all your horrible secrets to another human being in the 4th and 5th steps...i say F that. that s#it just made me feel paranoid and vunerable so i take what i need and leave the rest.

imo...for ME...only my wife or my clergy need ever know all of that and that's only if i feel the need to unburden my heart about it. I don't . I'm at peace with my life.

Still ...whether you're shying away from it because you don't feel like you can trust anyone...that's not a valid reason anymore, bro. With a due respect, you're no more addicted than i was or anyone else. the difference between you and the rest who do stay sober is just a simple willingness to not pick up again.

this is a horrible obsession. i get that, but you won't ever get this until you get sober and have those raw few months when you crave every day and night....but it DOES go away. there IS a new freedom when the obsession lifts, but i don't need to tell you that. you know. you're been around here for a few years.

the question is. and has always been is there a part of you who wants to be sober more than you wanna be drunk?

this is not so complex...in fact, it's incredibly simple. if you don't drink, you won't get drunk. the footwork begins in diverting your mind from the obsession until your mind no longer obsesses about it. that's all it is.

sigh.....i so hope and pray for you mercurial. dude, you've suffered long enough. i just want to see you move on with your life bro.

I hope i didn't sound too harsh. i didn't mean it as such...it's just a little bit of frustration for you because i've see you struggle so much and i know there is another way.

take care man.
BDog

GlenK

MM - I'm new around here... after 30 years, I'm only on day 21.

One of the first posts I found on this forum was from you... you were clear, concise, and inspiring to me. I even went back and used the advanced search to find all of your posts and read them.

You've replied to a couple of my own posts and were encouraging... your story inspires me to walk the line. A lot of people around here are pulling for you and your life is important to many more people I'm sure.

Just keep telling yourself that there can be NO compromise on this - you simply cannot take another drink the rest of your life.

I hope you find what it is you can cling to...

Glen